Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – September 3, 2014

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. Word of the day was ‘Happy’. The ah-um counter, who was Pierre, should count the number of times people use this word. But he forgot to count. When he said he didn’t count, everybody was disappointed since they used the word many times.

2. Floris’ speech topic was ‘Positive thinking’. He forgot his speech at many places. So he paused a bit to recall. And sometimes he looked at his notes to recall.

3. This was Floris’ 10th speech. He began his speech by saying ‘Thank you for listening to me for the 10th time in a row’.

4. I gave a prepared speech. I also gave an impromptu speech. Then I finally I gave this humor speech.

5. Last meeting’s theme was ‘Change’.

6. The hall where we normally meet was booked for some other function. So, we held our meeting in an empty restaurant in the same campus.

7. Normally in Toastmasters, we use sandwich method for evaluating speeches. i.e. first say what was good about the speech, then what could be better, then again what was good about the speech. Chris and Floris stressed this sandwich method of evaluation a lot.

8. Richard told that he knew his purpose of life when he was 3 years old. To invent lot of things.

9. There were dark clouds outside.

The Humor Monologue

1. I first gave prepared speech. Then impromptu speech. Now humor speech. Thanks for listening to me 3 times in a row. Today itself.

2. I knew my purpose of life when I was 1 day old. To eat.

3. I joined Toastmasters because someone told that they use sandwich method.

4. Last meeting’s theme was ‘Change’. And wow. What a change!! We are in a completely different location.

5. I am not sure if Floris’ speech topic is ‘Positive thinking’ or… just ‘Thinking’.

6. Floris and Chris stressed a lot on the sandwich method. Maybe that’s why we are here in a restaurant.

7. Look at the clouds outside. It’s dark. What it means is that earth is getting ready for ‘ice bucket challenge’.

8. Tonight, here, all the speakers got very good tips from the evaluators. But, here, during the day time, it’s the waitresses who get tips.

9. Pierre didn’t count word of the day for many people. They are not ‘Happy’.

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – August 20, 2014

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. Theme of the meeting was “Change”.

2. Nicole said, if you want to teach a group something, teach from the back of the room, to be effective trainer. She said 4 points to be an effective trainer: “Connect”, “Concepts”, “Concrete practice”, “Conclusion”.

3. I gave a table topic to someone to speak on: “You’re in Paris. You’re left with change (2 or 3 Euros). Not enough money. No ticket. No credit or debit cards. You have to get back to the Netherlands. What will you do?” Rubin said he would call his dog Fafa (magic dog) and fly to the Netherlands on Fafa.

4. Inna’s speech topic was “Strike a pose”. She asked us to use high-power pose, never low-power pose.

5. Rohit said that when you’re nervous while speaking, you will feel that 1000 butterflies fly in your stomach.

6. Rohit’s speech topic was “Converse with ease”. He called Inna to stage to do a role play. Rohit and Inna went to a speech conference where they have a small talk. During that, only Rohit was speaking most of the time. Inna was just nodding or just saying yes or no.

7. Rohit’s speech evaluator said that Rohit should ask short questions and give the other person chance to speak. Also said that Rohit could’ve started the small talk by asking personal questions like “How are you?” “How was your flight?” etc.

8. Piotr was a guest. He is a toastmaster from Poland. He performed ah counter role at our meeting. He said that in their club, they have a device which will make “ding” sound whenever the speaker says ‘ah’ or ‘umm’.

9. Pierre talked about a psychology experiment. i.e dad would give a kid a marshmallow and leave the room saying if the kid wouldn’t eat that for 10 minutes, the kid would get another one. But 80% kids get tempted and eat that. Pierre distributed marshmallows to everyone before he said this. I was the only one to eat that. After he said the psychology experiment, everybody laughed at me since I was one of the 80%.

10. Rohit said that 13 years ago, he asked a girl “Are you an actress?” when he met her for the 1st time. She became his wife.

The Humor Monologue

1. How many of you like change?…. Raise your legs.

2. Whenever I teach something to a group, I would take my friend with me. I would make my friend stand on the stage, climb on him, sit on his shoulders, and teach the group. My friend’s name is Room. And I teach from the back of the Room.

3. If you are in Paris, left with change, not enough money to return to the Netherlands, I would say, stay there and enjoy the weather.

4. *I wrote down the word ‘Pose’ on the white board and struck it* See. This is the only way I can strike a pose.

5.  “Wow. Are you an actress?” This is what I asked when I first met Justin Bieber.

6. There are 2 possibilities at Toastmasters. You can either be a great speaker. Or a magician… who can show 1000 butterflies coming out of stomach.

7. I also went to the same conference where Rohit and Inna went. I saw Rohit talking to Inna a lot. He didn’t even say hi to me.

8. I saw Rubin too at the conference. I had a small talk with him. I asked him, “How are you?” “How was your flight on Fafa?”

9. Nicole said “Connect”, “Concepts”, “Concrete practice”, “Conclusion”. All of you, beware of Nicole. She is a “Con” woman.

10. As Piotr suggested, we should buy a machine that would make ‘ding’ sound whenever… Rohit speaks a lot.

11. I was driving a car too fast. The cops pulled me over and said “Hands up”. I put my hands behind my head. They said, “Not that!! It’s low-power pose. DO THIS!” *I held my hand wide open above my head. Like Jesus*.

12. I will give you one million Euros if you still have not eaten the marshmallow. (I noticed that everyone had eaten it after Pierre’s speech was over)

13. I once went to Piotr’s club in Poland. I gave a speech. At the end of the speech, I composed a great song. *ding dingding dingdingdingding ding*

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – August 6, 2014

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. Bart gave a speech. He said that you yourself are the most important person in your life. No one else. He asked everyone to say, “I AM the most important person in my life”.

2. In a b’day party where Bart went, his friend broke coffee glass and poured coffee all over. Then he was scolding himself, “Why is it happening only to me?” Bart said that it was wrong and you should treat yourself as your best friend and console yourself “See. It could happen to anyone. Now, let’s clean the coffee on the floor and get back to the party as if nothing had happened”.

3. Jitske’s speech topic was “Lean management”.

4. One of the table topics was, if it rains, what would you like it to rain. One speaker said, “raining money”. Examples given were raining frogs. Raining cats & dogs etc.

5. Marc asked us to gather all our talent and achieve something. He told a story of a guy who built a boat in 1895 and traveled all over the world with it.

6. During the meeting, I got a call from my manager and got some urgent office work. So, I took out my laptop and worked for 10-15 minutes, while the meeting was going on.

7. One of the table topics was, “Were you ever stood up by someone in the rain”. I talked. I said, “I was waiting outside my home because I din’t have home key and waiting for dad or mom”.

8. Toastmaster-of-the-evening didn’t print out agendas. So, nobody had agenda with them.

9. Bart completed his 10th speech today. The emcee praised Bart that his speech progress was very quick and completed 10 speeches within 1 year.

10. We provided everyone with plastic cups and water in a jug.

The Humor Monologue

1. Dear toastmasters, guests. Now, the most important person of my life is going to give this speech.

2. You might have noticed that I was working on my laptop while the meeting was going on. That was right after Marc told the story. I started creating a plan for building a new boat. To go around the world.

3. Three years ago, on average we would have 15 agendas printed out per meeting. Last year, 10 agendas. Last week 5 agendas. Today no agenda at all. It’s very good ‘lean’ management.

4. Bart completed his 10 speeches very quickly. In other words, “raining speeches”.

5. I would like raining house keys.

6. Once I threw a party. I invited all my best friends to that  party. In other words, “I spent the night alone”.

7. I went to Bart’s party. And a guy broke a coffee glass. We kicked him out. Because he is not the most important person in any one of our lives.

8. We wanted to make you feel like “You are the most important person in your life”. That’s exactly why we gave you unbreakable plastic glass for water. Not glass.

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