Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – July 25, 2012

Read the set-up below and then read the monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

1. The word ‘Apple’ was written on the board in the meeting room (That was written during our last meeting. It was left unerased)

2. Word of the day was ‘Language’. Tobias was the table topics master and he invited everyone to talk about different aspects of body language. He detailed the mirroring body language technique, where you mirror the other person’s body language to make him/her feel comfortable.

3. Chris, Toastmaster of the evening, informed us that one of our club members had given birth to a baby. And it’s unusual that the baby was born on due date. He added that only 3% babies born on due date.

4. Zhou, president of our club, started the meeting by giving some tips on how to persuade people – Be an expert, power, be a role model.

5. Zhou also gave a speech on ‘Electric car sale’, where he talked about selling tactics.

6. Zhou, during his speech, invited someone to volunteer as his customer. Jan volunteered. And when Zhou asked him if he would buy a car, Jan told, “Yeah. We shall do it now. Or maybe tomorrow”.

7. Jan gave a speech on manufacturing solar cells and selling those.

8. Marcel, while evaluating Jan’s speech, told that Jan had included some slides with Dutch text in his presentation.

9. The fridge, where we keep the beer, always would make noise during the meeting. Surprisingly it didn’t make noise today. Marcel pointed out this fact during his overall evaluation of the meeting.

10. Many members, including me, had had a hair cut recently.


1. The fridge didn’t make any noise today. Do you know why? *pause for 3 secs* Because I persuaded it. To persuade it, I gave it plenty of beer bottles.

2. I am selling something and I want one of you to be my customer. I sell things which you can rarely see. I sell babies born on due date.

3. If you buy one from me, you will get for free a ride… in a police car.

4. They will introduce you to people who sell electric… chairs.

5. I once had a shop. One of my friends asked me: “What do you sell?” I told, “Solar cells”. He again asked, “I don’t care about solar, what do you sell?” I again told, “Solar cells.” He again asked, “I don’t want to know what solar sells. What do you sell.” I again told, “That’s what. Solar cells” Basically we kept on doing the same thing or in other words… mirroring body language.

6. I want to open a shop in Eindhoven. To attract customers, I would put a board in the counter, saying, “We accept cash, credit cards, and babies-born-on-due-date”

7. If you’re wondering why Zhou, Navin, Marcel and I have had a hair cut, it because we all were practising mirroring body language. In the salon.

8. Word of the day is ‘language’. Alphabets are the building blocks of any language. Let’s learn a language today. Ok, say along with me… “A for Apple” *pointing at the word ‘Apple’ on the board.

9. We talked about many languages: Tobias talked about body language, I talked about English language. Jan did his part by including Dutch language.

10. I think I should finish my speech now… Or maybe tomorrow.


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