Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – Feb 20, 2013

I was the toastmaster-of-the-evening yesterday. i.e. I had to act as a genial meeting host and conduct the entire program (2 hours). As I was there on the stage most of the time, I delivered my humor lines in between. So it was the not like the usual humor monologue that I would do (deliver a monologue at the end). I delivered the lines as soon as a speaker would complete and I take the stage. See below what happened during the meeting in normal text and my humor line in bold.

1. The table topics for the participants were a) what if you wake up late and find out you’re a fish b) what will you do if you’re in the airport and you find out you’ve forgotten your flight ticket c) how would you react if you’re the responsible person to save the world and you should push a button always d) what will you do if you have a million Euros e) talk about your memorable vacation

I was flying to India on vacation. On the flight, I ate fish meal and slept. I woke up late to find out that I missed my stop in India and landed in Iraq. Al-qaeda captured me and asked me to push the button to destruct the world. I told them, “If you release me, I’ll give you a million Euros.” And that was the most memorable vacation. I wish I had forgotten my flight ticket.

2. Mario, the first speaker, talked about the risks of public social media, like exposing too much content, automatic programs that follow you in Twitter etc.

Mario has opened my eye. Tonight, I’m closing my Facebook account. And I am selling my laptop. Any buyers?

3. Kees, the second speaker, talked about sleep, different types of sleep. He told that American military believes that 4 hours sleep per day is sufficient. He also talked about polyphasic sleep – sleep 20 minutes every four hours. He told that he couldn’t follow the polyphasic sleep routine as it would affect his drinking habit and sports.

I once tried the polyphasic sleep. I slept for 20 minutes every 4 hours. It was really difficult. My body couldn’t adjust to the new routine. I had 3 hours and 40 minutes free time every 4 hours. I didn’t know what to do. During those times, I would drink alcohol and play sport.

4. Tobias, the third speaker, talked about misperception. He called one of the audience and asked few questions.
He showed a white paper and asked the person, “what color it is?” – White.
Say again, “what color is it?” – white.
Say once more loudly, “what color is it?” – white
“What does a cow drink?” – Milk.

The audience answered it wrongly. Cow drinks water. That is how we perceive things wrongly based on the context.

Normally, after every speaker finishes his or her speech, the toastmaster-of-the-evening would ask the audience to write down their comments about the speech.

I said, “Can you all please take a minute to write down your comments about Tobias’ speech in the WHITE paper?”

5. Rohit, the 4th speaker, did his 6th project – vocal variety. He talked about stress. When he came on to the stage, he started going ha ha ha ha ha. Then he said that in India it’s called laughter therapy, where people gather in a park and laugh like this. He also told that when people experience stress, they get new friends like Johnny Walker, Jack Daniels.

All of you, please take a minute to write your comments to our friend Johnny Walker… sorry, Rohit Anand.

When he started going ha ha ha ha ha in the beginning of his speech, I thought he has showing vocal variety – one ha in the high pitch and the other ha in the low pitch.

I propose that from now on if a speaker does well, we’ll not clap, rather we’ll go ha ha ha ha ha.

6. Jennifer, the grammarian, had to leave early. So she wanted to give the report on how the speakers’ grammar was until the mid of the meeting. She gave feedback and she was about to leave.

OK, now that the grammarian is leaving, rest of the speakers don’t have to worry about making grammatical mistakes.

7. After the speeches and evaluations were over, I delivered one line during my normal “Observational Humor” time. Here it is.

My normal sleep quota per day is 8 hours. Today, out of 8 hours, I have completed 2 hours here in this meeting.


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