Humor Monologue delivered at Area-level Speech Contest – April 6, 2013

We had the Toastmasters area-level speech contest today. I participated in that. And I also observed the whole contest and delivered a humor monologue based on the things that happened during the contest.

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. One of the contestants was Yoeri. While writing down his name on the board, the contest organizer, Marcel, had issues spelling out his name.

2. Marcel gave a speech about emotions and facial expressions. He acted like an old man in the beginning and then put on magic glasses after which he expressed happiness (emotion). He did that to convey the message that the glass had some power, but didn’t clearly express what problem he had earlier. No one understood the act clearly.

3. Robert talked about his personal incident. He said that when he was 5, he was playing with matches during Christmas and the fake white beard caught fire. His total lower jaw got burnt and it was a 3rd degree burn. Luckily the hospital was nearby and his parents could get him there on time. Robert ended his speech by saying, “From that incident, I learnt, laughed, and lived.” Robert won the contest.

4. Yoeri talked about self control. In one of the psychological experiments, few people were brought in to a room and chocolates were kept and they were instructed not to eat them until solving a hard puzzle. The psychologists were measuring the time it took for them to solve the puzzle under the influence of chocolates. Another set of people who were asked to solve the same puzzle but not with chocolates, but with radishes, did much better. Because radish is not tempting and they had much self control.

5. Tobias talked about fishing. He told that in Germany, you should have a fishing license to fish. Once you catch fish, you should measure it with a scale and if it’s below the limit, then you should put it back into water. If above limit, you should first kill it with smacking its head. That’s the rule in Germany.

6. Tobias asked us a question, “How do you call a fish without an eye?” He answered ‘Fsh’.

7. Tobias evaluated Marcel’s speech on emotions. He told that his body language/expressions didn’t match with what he was speaking.

8. During the break time, we had some cookies, orange juice, and some oranges.


1. This is actually not a contest. This is a psychological experiment to study how people speak under the influence of oranges and cookies.

2. We also had radishes. But the contest organizers ate everything before the contest itself. They don’t have self control.

3. In the Netherlands, only doctors are allowed to kill people. Before killing, they have to measure the height. Only if it’s above the limit, they can kill. Robert, you were lucky, you caught the fire and were admitted to the hospital at the age of 5.

4. Marcel, you could have made us understand the effectiveness of the magic glasses by just moving your lips in the beginning without any voice, and after you put on the glasses, spelling the name correctly ‘YOERI’.

5. Sometimes, it may be necessary for you to have a body language that doesn’t sync with what you speak. For example, “Ha Ha Ha Ha… My mother-in-law died.”

6. If you want your kid to give a kick-ass speech in the future, set fire to its cheek.

7. What do you call a Toastmaster without an eye? You would call that “correctly spelled.”

8. In today’s meeting, I learnt, laughed, lived.
a) I learnt how to spell ‘Yoeri’.
b) I laughed because I’m a toastmaster with ‘mouth’
c) I lived, because there is an ‘i’ in lived.


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