Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.
THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)
1. When our meeting started, people outside the meeting hall, in the pub, were making noise. It disturbed our meeting.
2. Mario talked about “quoting without bloating”. He gave tips on including quotes in your speech. And when the number of quotes go too much, it’ll bloat. So you should always be careful.
3. Mario quoted a musician, Gustav Mahler, “If you think you’re boring your audience, go slower not faster.”
4. Kees, one of the members, had cold and his voice had little ‘ummm’ sound. Chris pointed that out. Kees talked about time management. He made a matrix with the help of toilet tissue paper on the floor and explained four different criteria.
5. Jitske was the general evaluator. When she invited one of the evaluators, Bieneke, she didn’t shake hand with her. She forgot.
6. Marcel talked about “How to give good opening to your speeches.” He gave some tips. One of the tips was to be personal rather than generic. For example, instead of saying “Two people went hunting”, you could say, “My brother and I went hunting.”
7. One of the table topics was, “How would you convince your alcoholic addicted or smoker friend to get rid of that bad habit?”
8. Floris talked about patience. During the conclusion of his speech, he said, “let me come to the conclusion.” and then he started talking about new things. During evaluation, the evaluator, Mohammad told that conclusion should be short and not introduce new things.
The Humor Monologue
1. *I opened my mouth and showed it to everyone* See, this is the only opening that I can give to my speech.
2. Ah, the noise outside the meeting hall when the meeting started was irritating. We all should get together and convince them not to drink anymore.
3. Just an imagination how would it be if our club members tried to convince their friends not to drink/smoke
a) Marcel: “I talked in the Toastmasters club on how to open, but I will tell you now how not to open… the bottle”
b) Kees: “See my dear friend, if you smoke, you will get a ‘ummm’ voice like me”
c) Mario will start saying quotes like “Smoking is injurious to health.”, “Smoking kills”, “Don’t drink and drive.”
4. Jitske didn’t shake hand with Bieneke. Apparently, today no one would shake hand with anyone because the toilet tissue paper is here, not in the toilet.
5. I’m lucky that Marcel didn’t give the tip “replace ‘two people’ with more personal sentence like ‘my brother and I'” last week. Because last week, I opened my speech with the phrase “Two people were having sex.”
6. One person would tell the exact opposite of what Gustav Mahler, the musician, told. That would be “If you think you’re boring your audience, go faster not slower.” ~ Usain Bolt.
7. Q: What would you call Usain Bolt with a swollen face?
A: Usain Bloat
8. OK. Let me come to the conclusion. If you want to cook spicy food, put more chillies. If you want to garden well, pour water. If you need water, take it from tap. Water is essential for human body… and I kept on talking. And I finally said, “That concludes my speech.”