Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – October 16, 2013

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. Rohit did his “Persuasive speech” project. He persuaded the audience to volunteer for social work. He said that volunteering leads to low mortality rate since it will keep people happy.

2. Nicole, during her speech, asked how many of us were from different countries. For which she got the answer from audience: India, Hungary, USA, UK, China, Indonesia, Italy.

3. Bogdan gave a speech about “Art of goal setting”. He asked us to write the goals down in paper. And to be more specific. Eg. He told he once wrote down “I want to become a better speaker”. The he changed that to “I want to join Toastmasters”. Then he changed that to “I am completing project 4 in Toastmasters by next month”.

4. Chris said, “If you find a white elephant in the room, name it”. He also said he was once in a dark, black room.

5. Chris, during his speech, told that he once went to Kolkata. In the Kali temple, the authorities were asking him for donation with a sheet filled with dummy statistics like X donated 250 Euros, Y donated 200 Euros etc. But he knew it was cheating, and hence only donated 2 Euros. He jokingly said, “I was afraid they would send Kali after me, so I wrote down my address as Philadelphia, USA”.

6. Kees wanted to explain how Toastmasters work for the guests. He had CL manual in his hand, but he wanted to explain about the CC manual. So, he put the CL manual down and picked up the CC manual.

7. One of the table topics was “Would you still work if you got 2500 Euros as free money from government?”

8. Bieneke volunteered to do 2 roles for which the actual persons who were assigned the roles were absent. Later both of them showed up, hence Bieneke didn’t have any role.

9. Chris’ wife tried to correct the hair of Chris in the back side of his head. But the razor went wrongly and cut half of the lower portion of hair on his back head.

The Humor Monologue

1. Dear Toastmasters, guests, and the white elephant.

2. After the persuasive speech by Rohit, I’ve decided to volunteer. To be the president. Of India, Italy, China, Indonesia, Hungary, Netherlands, USA.

3. Don’t laugh. I am going to write down that goal.

4. The goal would read, “I would like to become the president.”. No no, it would read, “I would like to join a political party”. No no, it would read, “I would first like to become a citizen of that country”.

5. Chris was in a dark black room. What is the bright side of it? He could easily see a white elephant.

6. If there is a white elephant in the room, name it. If there is a white bear, drink it (bear sounds like beer).

7. Kees didn’t use CL manual to explain to the guests, rather he used CC manual. The reason is obvious. (I showed both the manuals to the audience. CC manual’s cover contains a girl pic and CL manual’s cover contains a boy pic)

8. Today, we found 3 things that we can do for low mortality rate: Volunteering, Volunteering, Writing down wrong address after donating 2 Euros.

9. Ok, one more thing for low mortality rate: Never ever give a razor to your wife.

10. Look at this agenda. 4 speaker roles, 4 evaluator roles, 1 timer role, 1 grammarian role, 1 ah counter role. Actually, Bieneke volunteered for all these roles.

11. Thank you. Wait, wait. Cancel that “thank you”. I say thank you only when I get free money.

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