Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – January 22, 2014

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. One of the guests was Raluca Boca. She is very pretty.

2. Niels said that the benefit of working from home is that you don’t have to wear suit.

3. Rohit said that impromptu speaking is one of the important benefits of being a toastmaster. By being a toastmaster, it’s easy to develop impromptu speaking skill.

4. Next to our meeting hall, there is a bar. The bartender interrupted the meeting and gave a plate full of food for free to us.

5. Bogdan talked about ‘Focus’. He said an example – His master explained focus by pouring water into a glass and didn’t focus and the water started flowing over the glass. He also said “I want to make you see what I see. I want to make you feel what I feel. I want to make you hear what I hear.”

6. Julia gave a speech. He said he’s a coconut in the beginning and said he is not a peach at the end. He finished his speech in 5 mins and 36 seconds. The timer, Ko, signaled amber color.

7. The theme of the meeting was ‘Pursuit of excellence’.

8. Our club contest is on 5th March.

9. Bogdan took his friend as guest to the meeting. When his friend introduced himself, he said that he came here with the invitation of Bogdan. Later during the meeting, Navin, the general evaluator, mistakenly called this guest for an evaluator and called him on to the stage to evaluate a speech.

10. Niels gave a speech in which he said what went wrong in 2013. And what went well in 2013.

11. Kees had a pack of pens with him (5 or 6 pens).

12. Kees, during his speech, pointed everyone and said “Let’s pretend you’re 18; you’re 26; you’re 15; you’re 24 etc”

13. Mohammed was the table topics master. He gave a topic to the audience and asked one of them to speak about the Dutch winter this year. Because on Jan 6th itself the degree was JUST 14.5 degree C, which is much better than last year (-10 degrees). He printed “Dutch Winter. Jan 6, 2013. 14.5 C” on a paper and gave to the speaker.

The Humor Monologue
1. Dear Toastmasters, guests, and guest-cum-evaluator.

2. I am Bala. I am here with the invitation from Bogdan.

3. I’ve come here today because Bogdan told me that they give free food here.

4. I am going to tell you what went wrong in 2013 in my life. And what went wrong in 2012. And what went wrong in 2011. And backwards up to the year on which my great grandfather was born.

5. (Looking at the audience) Let’s pretend you’re 80; you’re 90; you’re 75; you’re 100; you’re 120. Ok, I’m 18. And Raluca, you’re 16. (Nice, clever way to flirt, no?)

6. Do participate in the club level contest. Exciting prizes are waiting for you. Like this. (I showed them the pack of pens.) 1st prize – Blue pen, 2nd prize – Green pen, 3rd prize – Red pen.

7. The benefit of working from home is that you don’t have to wear suit. And the benefit of Dutch winter this year is that you don’t have to wear ANYTHING.

8. I’ve helped a lot of people develop their impromptu speaking skills. Yes, more than 100 people. So far, I’ve gone to 100 girls and said “I love you. What do you say?” (For which they have to respond, which is impromptu)

9. I did it 100 times because I was in pursuit of excellence.

10. The bartender after giving the plate of food, murmured, “I want to make you eat what I eat”.

11. There was a HUGE flood in India in 2013. The reason for the flood was found out. The source was traced to Bogdan’s master pouring water into a glass. Since 1996.

12. Julia, you’re neither a coconut, nor a peach. Because, Ko, our timer, just confirmed that you’re an orange (since amber color was shown).

13. The venue for our next meeting is not going to be the same. In fact, the next meeting will happen from VENUES. Yes, work from home.

14. We’ll speak and see each other via skype. More importantly, you have to wear SOMETHING.

15. Thank you all. And the bartender.

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