Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – March 19, 2014

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. The timekeeper didn’t show up. So, I filled in that role. When it was my turn to speak, Nicole took over timekeeping. She joked when I went to give a speech, “You can’t go over time. Because I am there to keep time.”

2. Chris said that we live in unequal world. In terms of wealth.

3. Bart said he likes toastmasters because people clap before and after they give speech.

4. One of the table topics was, “You are one of the board members. And you should convince other board members to bring in more women in your company”.

5. Nicole talked about conference calls. She said it’s annoying when you’re in a conf. call and the kids of your colleague scream “Daddy daddy”.

6. Nicole said, audio conference is lifeless and the future should be video conference. Also, when she started her speech, she said people from Chicago, Veldhoven, Bangalore join conf. call and they are at diff. time zone.

7. Mohammad talked about the use of growing plants.

8. Once Navin’s teacher gave him a problem: A circle inside a triangle. A straight line (chord) inside that circle. The problem is to find the length of the straight line.

9. When Navin was young he would celebrate b’day of all his friends and make their day special.

10. The general evaluator said that the agenda sheet didn’t mention time of speeches, break time and not proper. Also the theme was not mentioned in the agenda. The theme was mentioned as TBA (To be announced). He criticized that.

The Humor Monologue
1. Dear Toastmasters, guests, and acting-acting timekeeper Nicole.

2. We live in an unequal world. For e.g. Chicago, Veldhoven, Bangalore don’t have the same time.

3. The world became unequal when I flew from India to the Netherlands. The avg. IQ of India went up and Netherlands’ went down.

4. I decided to join Toastmasters to clap for Bart. Ok, ok. I’m kidding. To clap for everyone.

5. My teacher gave me the circle, square, line problem. I measured the length of the line with the help of a measuring scale.

6. Navin sang b’day song for all his father’s colleagues while he was on conf. call.

7. In my company, there’s not even one woman. All employees are male. So the board directors decided to, er, demolish the ladies’ toilet.

8. You know it is conf. call ONLY between men and not even one woman, when the only sound you hear is “Daddy daddy”, and no “Mummy mummy”.

9. We should move from audio conference to video conference. I’ll be very much interested in seeing the faces… of the ones who say “Daddy daddy”.

10. I like plant very much. It helps me a lot. Yes, I start with plan-a, then failure, then plan-b, failure… goes on until plan-t. And still I wouldn’t succeed.

11. I want to relive the most joyous moment of my life. The moment when there was no timekeeper during my speech.

12. Planting used to be my hobby. Until I came to know that planting marijuana is illegal.

13. Hope I inspired you all to grow plants.

14. Actually, we have a theme tonight. The theme is TBA. The Best Agenda.

15. Thank you. And before I leave, I would like to clap for Bart.

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