Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – April 2, 2014

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. Chris said, “Gun is useless without bullet. Toastmasters is useless without the board of club.”

2. Chris said that he is the president of the club and his job is to be pretty.

3. Chris announced that there will be one free drink for everyone from next meeting.

4. Marc said that once he had no clothes to wear (all wet). The only dry dress at his home was his girl friend’s. So he didn’t go out that day.

5. Nicole said that for a speaker to tell some story in speech, there should be something exciting in their lives, like a car crash, or like the girl who swam from Cuba to some other country in 2 days.

6. Julia was trekking in a mountain. He was hanging on a rope and he asked his friend to take a picture on mobile, but the memory card was full. So, he couldn’t.

7. Chris’s table topic was to convince the location owner to give his place to conduct toastmasters meetings. Chris said, “Our club is a gold mine. If you give us the place, 30 members will drink coffee in your cafe every time”.

8. Julia maintained full enthusiasm throughout his speech. His speech evaluator asked him to take breaks in between his enthusiasm.

9. Julia explained his parts of speech by writing abbreviations like C.A.P and D.A.P on white board.

10. My speech evaluator said that my speech improvement is exponential and right now I’ve reached moon.

11. Bart’s speech was about a story in Rome. He talked about a character named Julia. Every time he said Julia he pointed to me.

The Humor Monologue
1. Dear Toastmasters, guests, I am the secretary of this club. My job is to be ugly.

2. Our club is very much balanced. Julia expresses too much enthusiasm. And I take all the breaks.

3. Gun is useless without bullets. Toastmasters is useless without, er, free drinks. And I am useless without… oh wait… I AM USELESS.

4. Marc is lying. I saw him wearing his girl friend’s dresses… on Carnaval (like Halloween when people dress like others).

5. We took C.A.P, D.A.P from Julia’s speech. Hope, during my speech, you took NAP.

6. We’ll have to change the venue for our upcoming meetings. The cafe owner just found out that we are giving our members free drinks.

7. Hitler massacred 1000s of people. He wanted to have something exciting while telling a story to his girl friend.

8. Hitler committed suicide. But there was no one to take that picture. After all, he was hanging on rope.

9. Sorry, sorry. Hitler didn’t hang himself. He shot himself. Gun is useful with bullets.

10. Bart, you gave a nice speech about Julia. But can I correct you? Every time you pointed me while mentioning Julia. Can I say that Julia is THERE? (A member named Julia)

11. I see improvement in Toastmasters at every meeting. The next improvement will be when the board announces 2 free drinks.

12. Cheers. Bye.

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