Here are some questions from our blog readers, blog non-readers, and god. And the answers from Bala and Mark. Enjoy.
Q: Why is it dark at night?
Bala: It is nature’s way of making sure that our electricity bills are high.
Mark: It’s dark at night so that some people will have jobs. People like electricians, fireworks labours, and robbers.
Q: How can I protect myself from robbers?
Bala: Always keep a knife, chilly powder, gun (if possible) in your bag. When someone tries to rob you, give him all your cash and escape.
Mark: Watch movies like Karate Kid, Kung fu Panda, Kung fu Panda part II etc. That’s it. YOU ROBBER!! You watched the movies in pirated CD/torrent, didn’t you?
Q: How many times I can vote?
Bala: You can vote as many times as the number of index fingers you have on your left hand. If you want to vote many times, I’d suggest you go for index-finger transplant.
Mark: Don’t waste too much money on index-finger transplant. I’ll tell you a cost-effective way for voting many times. Bite the part of index finger where the ink is put. Feed your hungry dog. All set for voting again. If you don’t have a dog, buy one. Dog is cheaper than index-finger transplant.
Q: My wife is sick. Can I go vote for her?
Bala: Your wife is sick? You lucky bastard.
Mark: Go and admit your wife in a good hospital. Come back home and party hard. “Opa Gangnam style”… Don’t forget to invite us.
Q: Who should I vote for?
Bala: Vote for anybody you like. But keep one thing in mind: If you are not yet 18, don’t forget to steal your dad’s voter ID card.
Mark: Vote for the one who will be patient with people, work day and night, and bring change. No, I’m not talking about beggars.
Q: How does this Anna guy live without eating? He never gets hungry or what?
Bala: Who said he’s not hungry? He’s so hungry that he can eat everyone’s index fingers.
Mark: Cancel the order that you made for a hungry dog.
Q: I’m 24. When should I get married?
Bala: You should achieve “at least one” of your ambitions before you get married. My ambitions are, becoming a millionaire, building a super computer, and turning 28.
Mark: Don’t have such extremely high ambitions. Have something easy like this: turning 28, turning 26, and turning 24.
Q: My husband smokes 20 cigarettes a day. What should I do?
Bala: Oh. Your husband’s ambition is to die at 28?
Mark: When your husband smokes his next cigarette, call the fire engine. When they arrive, tell them that “there is no smoke without fire”. Thank me later.
Q: What should I get for my wife’s birthday? Is Audi Q7 car a good idea?
Bala: Amazing. I can’t believe it!!! YOU REALLY REMEMBER YOUR WIFE’S BIRTHDAY???
Mark: Audi Q7 is really a good idea. Drive her to a nice restaurant. Order nice food. And when she goes to the restroom, drive back home. Alone.
Q: I’m doing 8th std. During class time, I like to talk with my friend in the last bench. But my teacher punishes me and asks me to remain silent. Should I remain silent?
Bala: Yes. If you remain silent, you will achieve a lot. You may even become Prime Minister.
Mark: Yes, remain silent. And set your teacher’s jaw to fire. When your friends shout in panic, advise them to remain silent.
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