Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – June 25, 2014

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. Theme of the meeting was ‘soccer’. And word of the day was ‘offside’.

2. Rohit, Mark, Bieneke, Sjana, and Tobias were sitting facing the dais. Others were sitting sideways on both sides of the dais.

3. Marc told about the time when he went to France. And when he was about to return to the Netherlands, there was a strike going on and no flights were operating for 1 week.

4. Wilhelm told that soccer players get paid too much.

5. Chris was asked a question, “How to beat a formidable opponent?” Chris, during his speech, said that everywhere they call it soccer, but in England they call it football.

6. June is the year end for Toastmasters. And Bogdan is the new president of our club from July.

7. Tobias’ project was to persuade the audience. He drew a pie chart on the board with 7%, 38%, 55% pieces. He told 7% of content, 38% of tone intonation, 55% body language matters for a great speech.

8. Tobias’ speech evaluator Nicole told that his speech wasn’t persuasive enough.

9. Tobias said that when you’re at a bill counter, make that person smile and make that person say, “This person changed my day”.

10. Bogdan’s speech title was “Man’s search for meaning”. His speech evaluator told that his voice was nice this time.

11. Bogdan talked about situations where you miss something in the last minute. e.g. you run to the train station and climb the stairs and finally miss the train just after it shuts the door. He asked the audience, “Do you know what I’m talking about?”.

12. Wilhelm said that Dutch women won world hockey championship. Still, hockey is not popular. Soccer only is popular.

The Humor Monologue
1. Hello Rohit, Mark, Bieneke, Sjana, Tobias, and the people on offside.

2. Today’s theme is soccer. Seems we’re rightly following it. I mean we completed the meeting in 90 minutes. With 3 minutes extra time.

3. Tobias said, “Make a person smile in 30 seconds”. That’s exactly why I’m here. C’mon. Make me smile in 30 seconds.

4. Spain, England, Italy made early exit in World Cup football, so that they can be on time in the train station before the door shuts.

5. They exactly know what Bogdan was talking about.

6. How to beat a formidable opponent? Bite the opponent players.

7. Yesterday, Suarez, a player from Uruguay, bit an Italian defender on shoulders. Football is a dangerous game. You may even die. Hey Wilhelm, now you know why they get paid too much.

8. *showed the pie chart on the board* Look here. It’s a pizza. 55% is a piece normally eaten by a normal American. 38% piece is eaten by an American in diet. And the 7% piece is eaten by an American who is dead.

9. Tobias, to persuade the audience, you could’ve said, “If you do what I say, I’ll give you the 55% pizza piece.”

10. To avoid the strike in France, France football team flew to Brazil 3 years ago.

11. Everywhere they call is soccer. In England, they call it football. In India, we call it “some-90-minute-ball-kicking-game”.

12. If I were a boss, I would change my employees’ shifts from Thursday, Friday to Saturday and Sunday. Then they will say, “This person changed my day”.

13. Bogdan’s voice was nice this time. So, he should step down as president. And become voice-president.

14. Man’s search for meaning. Whereas women have won the hockey championship.


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