Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – November 12, 2014

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. Floris was the General evaluator and he was also one of the speech evaluators. During the transition from GE to evaluator he introduced himself and said, “I don’t shake hands with myself”.

2. He evaluated other 4 evaluators since he is GE. He said he doesn’t evaluate himself (himself as 5th evaluator).

3. I was the Toastmaster-of-the-evening and Observational Humor Master.

4. Chris gave a table topic where one person was mom, one person was dad, one judge. Mom and dad get divorce and the judge should decide as to with whom the child should stay. Somebody said that the mom is blonde. And everybody laughed.

5. Joao told that every single day his girl friend would ask “How do I look?”. He talked about colors, red means powerful, blue means authority etc.

6. Justina won the best tabletopics speaker award. She won the award at the last 2 meetings too.

7. Justina was the only female member at the meeting. Also one of the 3 in the club.

8. Bart gave a speech about sales. In his role play Joao acted as customer. Joao said he wants the best suit in this country. He said he doesn’t like his current suit.

9. Bogdan said that Toastmasters is where leaders are made.

10. Bogdan told a story of experiment made on 5 monkeys and how they tried hard to get a banana but couldn’t because they lacked communication skills.

11. Justina, who has given only one speech at our club, evaluated Rubin’s 2nd speech. She said she felt inferior because of that. She delivered her evaluation just by facing Rubin. She held her back towards the others.

12. Justina said that ‘Mom’ is the oldest profession in this world.

13. I was wearing a red shirt and black pant.

The Humor Monologue
1.
[I was the Toastmaster-of-the-evening and I said I now welcome Observational Humor Master which was me too] Like Floris, I don’t shake hands with myself

2. Like Floris, I don’t laugh myself.

3. The mom spoke, the dad spoke, the judge spoke. I am that 1-year-old kid speaking.

4. I don’t want to be with my mom or dad. I want to be with the judge.

5. I am kidding. I want to be with my mom. Because mom delivered me. Strangely now I’m delivering mom… Minutes of Meeting, that is.

6. I’ve dyed my hair. I’m actually blonde. But what color do you see? Black or blonde?

7. Joao, the next time when your girl friend asks “How do I look?”, just say, “Look honey. I love you so much. And you know what? Love is BLIND.”

8. Justina has won the best tabletopics speaker award for the 3rd time in a row. We men are trying really hard to keep you at this club.

9. Joao, if you want the best suit in this country, you should not shop in Eindhoven. You should shop in ‘Best’ (another city in the Netherlands).

10. The first time I came to the Toastmasters, Bart came to me and asked “What would you like to buy?” I was shocked. He said, “This is Toastmasters. And we make leaders.”

11. I was sweetly surprised to hear that something is not made in China.

12. My upper body is powerful [pointing to my red shirt]. My lower body is very sad [pointing to my black pant].

13. Justina, don’t feel inferior. After all, you are doing the oldest profession in the world.

14. Justina, you took the literal meaning of “Giving straightforward opinion to the speaker”.

15. Joao didn’t like his suit because his mother-in-law gave it.

16. Respect her. Mother-in-law is the second oldest profession in this world.

17. Next week, we will have some new guests who would like to improve their communication skills. To entertain them, in the fridge, I’ll buy and keep some bananas.

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