Humor Monologue delivered at Amsterdam Toastmasters Club – November 14, 2014

This is the longest humor monologue that I’ve ever presented. I was fully satisfied and proud of this monologue. I’ve impressed myself. Go, read on.

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. The meeting was held at Bilderberg Garden Hotel.

2. Somebody said that he is not Barrack Obama.

3. Speakers of the evening were Julita, Hille, Florence, Edmond, Bogdan, ATC.

4. Edmond gave a speech on “Cheating Essentials”. He talked about how to cheat during exams without getting caught. You can talk with your friends in sign language. Sign A, B, C, D for multiple choice questions.

4. Florence did the 3rd project “Get to the point” from the CC manual. Her speech title was “If only you knew what I did last week”. She told that she has experience of giving speech to audience of 600.

5. Hille did the 2nd project “Organize your speech” from the CC manual. She talked about various objects at home, their shapes, colors and how you can arrange them. Her speech title was “The magic of Feng Shui”. The timer forgot to time her speech. She actually crossed red, but the timer didn’t even signal green. Her speech evaluator said, the transitions were not smooth before getting to the main point.

6. Bogdan gave a speech. He showed a light bulb at the beginning and asked what comes to our mind when seeing that. In the middle of his speech, he hit a water bottle by mistake that was on table, water spilled over one person. He closed his speech by saying “Food for thought”.

7. Julita said “Keep calm and carry on”.

8. Andy told that once he was jobless. During that time, he would stay home and cook all day. He is an American. He told that he never met an American for a long time in the Netherlands.

9. The Emcee changed the structure of the meeting. She moved table topics before prepared speeches.

10. The CL master asked for all members’ CL manuals. He said, “If I don’t get one now, it’s over”.

11. Noreen told a story that she had to wear completely green dress at work.

12. It was raining outside.

13. Ian gave a presentation. A text “Building Bridges” featured many times in his video. His desktop background was some green object that looked like alien.

14. ATC gave a speech titled “Guerrilla Garden”.

The Humor Monologue
1. My name is [signals B by hand] [Sinals A by hand] No I’m not Barrack Obama. I am Bala.

2. I’ve experience of talking to huge audience of 2 or 3.

3. I am the Observational Humor Master for tonight. All of you, laugh… now. If I don’t get one, it’s over.

4. I have a surprise. There is a change in format of this monologue. First 2 minutes, you keep laughing. In the next 1 minute, I’ll tell all my jokes.

5. Good evening ladies & gentlemen. It feels weird to address you that way. Because at our club, I’ve always addressed the toastmasters as “Good evening gentlemen” or “Good evening lady & gentlemen”.

6. So, let me try in another way. Good evening toastmasters of today and cheaters of tomorrow.

7. I hate you guys. You are talking a lot. Even after Julita warned you “Keep calm and carry on”.

8. I am wearing all blue. I’m not police.

9. I am very sorry to say that tonight your club speakers are going down. I mean alphabetically. Julita, Hille, Florence, Edmond, Bogdan, ATC. J->H->F->E->B->A.

10. Still, I like your club. Because you have a policy that “Ladies first & gents next” (Note Julita, Hille, Florence are women).

11. Florence, your speech title should be “If only you knew what I did August 3rd week”. Because you wrote down this speech August last week.

12. Andy, if you want to meet Americans, you should stop cooking at home and pay a visit to their home. McDonald’s.

13. Outside, we have rain. Inside, we have No-reen (Word play on “No rain” and person named Noreen – My favorite of the evening).

14. Hille, your project is “Organize your speech”. But you talked about “Organizing your house”.

15. The magic of Feng Shui – it stopped the clock.

16. Florence. Like Hille, you don’t have to have transitions. Because your project is GET TO THE POINT.

17. Bogdan, when you showed the light bulb, this came to my mind.. that you stole the light bulb from here [pointed to a place where there was a bulb holder but there was no bulb].

18. Because a bulb is missing here, it’s little dark, and you hit the water bottle.

19. You closed your speech by saying “Food for thought”. Before the food, you served drinks.

20. How many toastmasters does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change. And one to evaluate.

21. During Ian’s presentation, there was a strange green object. I thought, “Oh, Noreen’s picture”.

22. Lot of rhyming words today Building Bridges – BB, Guerrilla Garden – GG. And now you are laughing HaHa – HH.

23. B.G.H – Oh wait. That’s Bilderberg Garden Hotel.

24. Are you hungry? Get ready. Let’s go to Andy’s home.

25. Keep calm. Curry on.

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