Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – November 26, 2014

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. Bogdan said that it’s very cold out there, all flies and mosquitoes start coming inside home.

2. Word of the day was ’35’. Bogdan used that word 5 times and he won the contest.

3. Justina said singing is good for health. She stood still in one place throughout her speech.

4. Wilhelm wrongly said that for Thanksgiving, people eat chicken, instead of turkey.

5. Mohsin, one of the guests, told that he came to know about Toastmasters at a Halloween party.

6. Marc talked about saving our environment. He said that when we wash clothes, plastic from dresses go via drainage and reach sea, which is bad. He advised adding filters to washing machine outlet.

7. 3 out of 4 lady members were present at the meeting.

8. Bogdan talked about getting pay raise at work. He said that it’s always better to mirror the body language of your boss to be friendly with him. He said that if you ask for 35% raise, you will at least get 3.5%.

9. At the last meeting, I was the Toastmaster-of-the-evening and Floris was the General evaluator. At this meeting, Floris was the Toastmaster-of-the-evening and I was the General evauator.

10. Bieneke had broken foot (right foot). She gave a speech, and her evaluator appreciated that she walked well during the speech. Bieneke left early.

11. Bogdan got the best speaker award. Julia got the best table topics speaker award. All members voted for the best speakers in a pink slip.

12. Sri visited our club as a guest for the 3rd time. (3-times guest is not unusual, but still long).

13. Our club made a banner for ourselves. In the banner, our club name (Lighttown speakers club) was printed along with the club number (8-digit number). Julia asked what’s the use of having a number for a club.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening Toastmasters, guests, and especially the flies & mosquitoes.
[I looked at air while delivering the punchline to make people think that flies & mosquitoes came inside because of the cold weather]

2. My speech – One of the 35 ways to put the audience to sleep. The others are my singing, my dancing etc.

3. Before becoming a member, I visited this club as a guest… 35 times.

4. Thanksgiving – Turkeys will be thankful if you choose chicken for your meal. Both turkeys and chicken will be thankful if you’re a vegetarian.

5. Hey Mohsin, the real Halloween party is happening here. Because the scariest thing in the world is “Public Speaking”.

6. It is good for your health if YOU are singing. It is extremely bad for your health if JUSTIN BIEBER is singing.

7. To save our environment, I am going to do my part. I am no more going to wash my clothes.

8. It happens only once in 35 years. Getting to see 3 lady members of our club at one place.

9. My boss gave me a raise last year. How much? 35 cents.

10. Last week, I was the toastmaster-of-the-evening and Floris was the General evaluator. This week, Floris is the TME and I am the GE. Basically we both are mirroring, and fully qualified to be bosses of each other.

11. If you want 35% raise, ask for 350% raise.

12. Despite having broken leg, Bieneke walked a lot. Despite having a good leg, Justina didn’t move at all. Justina, to move better, I suggest you break your leg.

13. There is a saying “Put your best foot forward”. For Bieneke, it’s left. So she left.

14. It’s really surprising that the best speaker is Bogdan and the best tabletopics speaker is Julia. Both are male. No female winners. Even when you voted in the PINK slip.

15. William Shakespeare asked “What’s in a name?” That, Julia, why we use a number too in the banner.

16. I should be the winner of the word-of-the-day contest, not Bogdan. I used the word 210 once. That’s 6 times 35.

17. I am thankful to you because you are still not yet asleep.

18. Excuse me. I have to finish my speech. Because only 35 seconds left.

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