Top 33 Topical Jokes in 2014

200000 porn cds found at IAS officer’s flat. Well done. He has justified his job as ‘collector’.

Maria Sharapova out of Australian Open! Australians must be relieved.
They are getting rid of at least SOME ‘hot’ stuff.

Arvind Kejriwal falls ill after the dharna. Doctor says Kejriwal must keep quiet. Who is that doctor? Dr. Manmohan Singh?

Today. Republic Day parade in Delhi. In other words, “Left Right in Centre”.

More than 2,000 Indian websites hacked by Pakistani hackers. They tried to hack IRCTC too. But the server was not reachable.

Indian hackers deface Pakistani websites. Pakistanis think it’s revenge. But the Indian hackers clarified, “No, we actually hacked 3 years ago and they notice today”.

Dear girls, Happy Valentine’s Day.
And.
Dear boys, Happy Wallet ends Day.

7 Oscars for “Gravity”.
It’s ironic that Gravity team is on cloud 9.

Yesterday, M.K. Alagiri met Manmohan Singh. Today, he met Rajinikanth.
Don’t know what’s Alagiri up to, man. He keeps on meeting Robots.

Mark Zuckerberg phoned Obama to complain about spying.
Dumb Zuckerberg!
He could’ve actually phoned ANYBODY, and still Obama would’ve got his complaint.

Playing for India feels like having ‘100 kgs’ put over you, says Dhoni.
For Sachin, it was like having ‘100 tons’ put over opponents.

Stalin praises Sonia, says she refused to become the PM and gave the chair to Manmohan.
Manmohan was like, “Chair? It felt like I was in ‘bench’ for 10 yrs”.

Tamil New year is a combination of Rajinikanth and Shah Rukh Khan.
Why? Because Tamil New Year is Chitti-Ra One.

“Mundasupatti” – Movie about a village that believes anybody being photographed will die soon. Guess how would the villagers commit suicide.
A: Selfie.

Happy Father’s Day, dad. You’re the best. Because you inspired me with quotes like, “Be yourself”, “Now or Never”, “Ask your mother”.

Today, the portal meant for IIT aspirants was down. The web page read, “Final stage of entrance. Fix the page and get into IIT.”

Last week – train fare hike.
Yesterday – petrol, diesel prices hike.
Today – LPG price hike.
Govt’s strategy is simple. Make all price hikes whilst they are busy watching World Cup football.

New Infosys CEO Vishal Sikka becomes highest paid employee with Rs 30 cr annual salary.
Infosys also has a new slogan. It is, “Work hard. We need to pay the CEO”.

India has the maximum number of poor people in the world, says a UN report.
Hey Indian govt. please take ‘note’. And give us ‘change’. Oh wait…

India have been 66-6 in the first innings. And 66-6 in the second innings too.
Seems like England is taking revenge for Yuvi’s 666666.

Sachin Tendulkar’s autobiography – It’ll be a real page-turner. Well… except for pages 90 to 100. It’ll take hours to read them.

Now, you can withdraw cash from ICICI Bank ATMs without a card, using your mobile number.
Now listen carefully, boys. Don’t get too excited if she asks for your mobile number.

Apple iPhone 6 users are complaining that the phone bends.
Bending? Wow! It means, they literally have iPhone “6”.

It’s ironic that this year, Ayudha Puja falls on the birthday of someone who was against ayudha.

Mark Zuckerberg donates $25 million to fight Ebola. After posting this, he commented, “For every share of this status, Facebook will donate $1”.

Denied permission to watch the movie ‘Happy New Year’, woman attempts suicide. Fortunately she is saved… from 2 suicide attempts.

Chinese man proposed with a ring of 99 iPhones, “yet” she said “no”.
Moral of the story: Everybody knows products “Made in China” are fake.

An ATM machine is stolen in Delhi. Sheesh! But the people who use that ATM regularly are not annoyed. Because the thief has not stolen the A/C.

What? Bhagwad Gita is going to be the national book? Generally, Gita is defined as “Highway to Heaven”. So, now, “National Highway to Heaven”?

Today is 10/12/14. This must be the luckiest day. Look how closely it escaped 9/11. And the unlucky 13.

“Yennai Arindhaal” Single was released at midnight.
If you were downloading the song at midnight, and not doing *anything else*, apparently, you’re ‘Single’ too.

So, this Christmas is going to be a working day for central govt employees?
Clearly it’s a misunderstanding.
PM’s PA said, “Santa works on Christmas.” And PM reciprocated, “Yes, centre works on Christmas.”

Today, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella met Narendra Modi. If they join hands, they will have what most passengers would like.
Window.. Seats.

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