Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – June 24, 2015

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. Tobias, our club’s new president, came to the meeting wearing a wig (to support his funny speech).

2. When Tobias gave his speech, James was standing to relax his back. Tobias during his speech said that when he went to France, he bought so many fishes in a restaurant. Then he took pictures of all of them arranged in a plate.

3. Wilhelm, one of the evaluators, said that when you speak, keep your hands at waist level and imagine that you’re holding a pizza (for good posture).

4. The ah counter said that I used too many so’s during my role as Toastmaster-of-the-evening.

5. Justina, the general evaluator, said that all 4 speeches were solid and it’s been a long time since we had 4 solid speeches. She also said that the evaluators used the sandwich method. i.e. what’s good; what’s bad; and what’s good.

6. Jitske told a story in which lion goes to a rabbit; asks who’s the king of the jungle to show its power. Rabbit says, “You”. Then the lion goes to a deer and asks who’s the king of the jungle. Deer says, “You”. Then it goes to an elephant and asks who’s the king of the jungle. The elephant lifts the lion with its trunk, throws far far away, then runs over the lion. For which the lion says, “If you don’t know the answer, you could say that, right?”

7. Rubin said that if you want to call for action, don’t just say it, but disguise it. For e.g. if you want people to keep their house clean, instead of saying “Keep your house clean”, say “It’s not really important to [pause] keep your house clean [pause] NOW.” and look in their eye.

8. Tobias’ speech topic was caffeine seduction. He drew chemical formula of caffeine drug. It looked like two eyes. Then another member added a small mouth. Another member made it as a big mouth. Then another member drew an ear. It kept on going. See the pic below.

Caffeine drug picture

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening toastmasters, guests, and the baby that’s growing
[pointing to the above pic]

2. I want you all to drink a cup of coffee. That’s the only way by which I can keep you awake when I speak.

3. It is not really important to… laugh at my jokes… NOW.

4. If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. If you give him many, he’ll take pics.

5. James was standing for 20 mins when Tobias was talking. Maybe before Tobias started speaking, he asked James in a commanding voice “WHO IS THE PRESIDENT OF THIS CLUB”. (Joke based on “People stand to give respect”)

6. Tobias, our new president, asked us what improvement we would like to see at our club. We said, “More women”. He started the initiative by wearing a lady wig.

7. Tobias has 3 kids. He went to the first kid and asked, “Who is the boss of this house?” “You,” she said. He went to the second kid and asked, “Who is the boss of this house?” “You,” she said. He went to his wife and asked “Who is the boss of this house?” Three days later, Tobias was found in America, lying unconscious in a beach together with lions.

8. It’s been a long time we had 4 solid speeches. It’s because I used to be one of the four speakers.

9. When you speak, you use pizza. And when you evaluate, you use sandwich.

10. Thank you so much. Ah wait, sorry… thank you much.

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