Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – August 19, 2015

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. The stage was reversed. Normally where we have the stage was the backside, and the backside was the stage today.

2. One of the table topics was “You’re the mayor of Eindhoven. You have to bring in something that’s missing in Eindhoven. What’s that missing thing?”

3. Justina started her speech by talking about people doing uncommon things like living on a tree.

4. Pierre didn’t have any role. So, the table-topics master invited Pierre to talk on a topic. While inviting, he said, “I invite you because you aren’t doing much tonight.”

5. Tobias talked about a person climbing Mt. Everest without oxygen cylinders. That was a record since all climbers normally use oxygen cylinders.

6. Generally in the Netherlands, it’s quite common that bikes get stolen. Especially in Eindhoven.

7. Tobias asked everyone as to why we like to come to toastmasters meetings, for which Winslow said, “I like shouting.”

8. Justina talked about a guy who traveled around the world by bike.

9. The ‘Ah’ counter said that Jitske used too many filled word ‘Ah’ and he called her the ‘Ah queen’.

10. Chris talked about a girl who got 3 B’s, but still wasn’t able to get the course that she wanted to do.

11. Winslow talked about diabetes. He showed a sample of glucose molecule. It had white, red, black dots connected together.

12. Winslow asked some volunteers to test his needle. Pierre volunteered. Winslow was supposed to act like injecting the needle. But by mistake, he actually injected. And Pierre got blood.

13. There was a wall clock behind the stage.

The Humor Monologue

1. [I turned away from the audience] Good evening toastmasters, guests, mayor, and ah queen.

2. I’m one of them. I’m one of them. Doing uncommon things (showing the audience my back, and speaking).

3. Ok, just kidding. It’s much easier to keep track of timing [looks at the wall clock behind the stage]

4. Hey Pierre. Laugh at my jokes. Because you’re not doing much tonight.

5. I come to toastmasters because I like… putting people to sleep.

6. There is an Indian saying “You become a HALF doctor only when you kill at least 1000 people.” In my case, “I become a HALF speaker only when I put at least 1000 audience to sleep”.

7. Today I’m planning for a world record speech. Normally I wouldn’t get on to the floor without 3 oxygen cylinders, 6 bottles of water, and 16 napkins.

8. The guy who reached the top of Mt. Everest heard little noise. He then thought, “Oh, that’s Winslow shouting from earth.”

9. The guy who traveled all over the world by bike came to Eindhoven too. His bike was stolen.

10. Now you know the answer to the question “What’s missing in Eindhoven?” Bikes.

11. One guy loses his bike, steals another. That guy loses his, and steals another. This goes on and on. Like a ‘cycle’.

12. It’s called bi-cycle. But nobody does ‘BUY’ cycle.

13. These were actually white [points to the red dots in the glucose molecule], but then Winslow did the impromptu of testing his needles on many people.

14. Chris’ friend got too many B’s and still couldn’t get into the course she wanted. But Jitske can get into any course she wants, because she has many ‘A’s.

15. I am finishing my speech now… unless Winslow wants to shout something.


2 responses

  1. | Reply

    Well done. As part of your summary, I’d like to know which jokes played really well, and which ones didn’t work so well. And maybe a comment why they worked and didn’t work. Keep ’em coming. Great job.

    1. Thanks a lot, John. Sure, I’ll add that to the summary.

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