Humor Monologue delivered at Division Conference – April 16, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue which was presented at the end of a Toastmasters Division Conference. First you’ll be able to read the set-up for each joke. Then I’ll share the joke. Next I’ll briefly comment on what made the joke work. Although the examples of Observational Humor are in the context of a Toastmasters meeting, the skills apply just the same to any meeting you might be attending. It’s a useful skill to develop. When you can drop in an observational line into any presentation it makes the content of your whole talk feel fresh and original.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented)

1. The conference was held in a church. Many people pointed that out.

2. One speaker said that the babies, once born, should become a Toastmaster. For world peace.

3. A map of the Netherlands was kept at the entrance and we were asked to mark in the map “Where did you wake up this morning?”

4. The keynote speaker said “Leader is someone who goes the way and shows the way.”

5. Tony, one of the speakers, said that if I give a normal flower to a girl, it can be friendship, but if I give a rose, it definitely means love and proposal.

6. One speaker said that his kid woke up screaming “Daddy” because of a nightmare. And the nightmare was she pissed on a dead dog.

7. The keynote speaker said that on the days you’re not fired, you should assume you’ve done a good job (because most leaders don’t appreciate their subordinates’ good work).

8. One of the speakers said he never had LinkedIn account, and he created one since his friend forced him. He updated his status as “CC CL”. No, not “Competent communicator, and Competent Leader”. But “Currently Confused. Contact Later.”

9. Christina, one of the speakers, showed us a knife that was never opened from the pack for 30 years.

10. Dirceau, one of the speakers said, he has 5 children, and hence if he has to go to the bathroom, he has to wait in a queue for a long time.

11. One speaker said, Paths are made by walking, not by waiting.

12. One speaker joked “Germans, in heaven, do arrange things, and in hell provide entertainment. And English, in heaven, do something that they are good at, and in hell, cook food.”

13. Saby, one of the speakers said, he dropped a dumpling in a restaurant. He called that a dead dumpling. He later took that and ate.

14. 99% of the Dutch people don’t go to a church.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening daddy, mommy, and especially the doctor. This was my first sentence when I was born. Yes, babies should be Toastmasters.
(Only few people laughed. Many were thinking whether to laugh or not because the audience have never heard such monologues before. Below average response.)

2. I don’t know where you woke up this morning. But I know, you’re going to sleep. HERE. NOW.
(Self deprecation. This made the connection with the audience. They started realizing that I was making jokes.)

3. The people who didn’t laugh – They are already sleeping.
(Huge response. The momentum picked up from this line.)

4. Why Division Conference in a church??!! Because that’s the only way by which we can get at least some Dutch people go to a church.
(Truth. Huge laughter. The audience could relate to this joke.)

5. This is not the place where we turn water into wine. We turn ordinary speakers into extra-ordinary speakers.
(Awww response. It’s a say-something-good-about-the-audience kind of line.)

6. Leader is someone who goes the way and shows the way. In Toastmasters, we call him Sergeant at arms.
(Truth. Wordplay on ‘show the way’. Very huge response.)

7. Whenever I give roses to girls, they say 2 sentences. a) “I love you too” b) “Say this to Tony”.
(Absurdity. Self deprecation. Moderate laughter)

8. “DADDDDDY,” My kid screamed. “What happened, son?” “I had a nightmare.” “Oh. What nightmare?” “You were giving a 7-minute speech to me. To me alone.”
(Self deprecation. Very huge laughter.)

9. “Well, at least you didn’t piss on the dead dumpling.”
(Extremely huge laughter).

10. Just imagine saby eating that.
(Topper. This topper and the last joke were the best lines of the monologue. The whole audience were laughing)

11. On days I had not been fired, I was on sick leave.
(Self deprecation. Good response.)

12. On my Facebook, I updated “CC CL, please”. “Candy Crush Coming. Logout please”.
(Truth. Candy Crush requests are annoying. Very good response.)

13. Christina never opened the knife. For 30 years. But now I see she’s opening the knife, showing it to me, and saying, “I am going to kill you.. if you don’t stop speaking.”
(Self deprecation. Huge response)

14. In Dirceau’s house, bathrooms are made by waiting, not by walking.
(Linking the waiting line to the waiting in bathroom fact. Okish response.)

15. Indians, in heaven, don’t spend money. In hell, don’t spend money.
(Truth. Self deprecation. Huge response. Especially from the Indians)

16. Miracles normally happen in church. Today’s miracle – You’re STILL listening to me.
(Self deprecation. Very good closer)

This is a monologue with mostly self deprecation jokes. This monologue could be used to learn how to use self deprecation jokes in a neat way (not too harsh on you, but exactly right amount). I myself will definitely come back and read this post whenever I would like to brush up on self deprecation jokes skill. I am in love with this monologue.

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