Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – September 7, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Andrei mentioned his mentor Winslow throughout his speech. But Winslow was not present at the meeting.

2. The emcee described the table-topics section as starters, prepared-speeches section as main course, and the evaluation section as dessert.

3. One of the table topics was “Tell a joke about your country.”

4. Shashi gave his icebreaker speech. He used his voice very well. He said that he wanted to serve the country by joining military, but his application was rejected because he had ear infection.

5. Mike said a joke. What’s the difference between a battery and marriage? Battery has a + side.

6. Scott said that in New Zealand the sheep population is more than human population.

7. Floris said that next week he’s giving a speech to 2000 nerds.

8. Irina said that when she was young, she wanted to attract a boy next house and dressed well. But she fell on shit and she couldn’t make an impression.

9. The Netherlands is flat. No mountain at all.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening Toastmasters and guests. Wait wait… Andrei is looking angrily at me. Ok, here we go. Good evening Toastmasters, guests, and Winslow.
(Call back to Andrei mentioning Winslow several times in his speech. Good opener.)

2. Starter is over. Main course is over. Dessert is over. Here’s the bill [hands the bill to emcee]
(Follows the pattern – Eat -> Pay. Being silly and charging the emcee for the imaginary food.)

3. If I tell a joke about the Netherlands, it will fall “flat”.
(Truth. The Netherlands is flat)

4. Shashi used his voice well. Everyone in this room could hear his voice well… except him… because he has ear infection.
(Exaggeration. His ear infection is minor. Exaggerated – what if he can’t hear anything at all)

5. Last year, I participated in the International Speech Contest. The judges didn’t select me, and rejected me… because I had tooth infection.
(Silly. Absurd. I initially planned to say “mouth” infection, but the word “tooth” sounded funnier to me.)

6. What’s the difference between a battery and marriage? A battery lasts longer than my marriage.
(Self deprecation. Huge laughter.)

7. Moreover, a battery never talks.
(Topper to the last joke. Again self deprecation. Best line of the monologue.)

8. Next week in Amsterdam, I’m giving a speech to 2000 nerds. The week after in New Zealand, a speech to 2000 sheep.
(Absurdity)

9. Irina, even with your dress full of shit, you looked beautiful.
(Drop into someone’s story. Compliment the audience.)

10. Like Shashi, even I wanted to do something good for my country India. I moved out.
(Break the audience expectations. Also self deprecation. The audience expected that I’d say something like army or air force etc, but I broke their expectations by saying a self deprecation line.)

11. Let me do something good for you… and move out of this place.
(Following the last joke’s pattern. Good closer.)

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