Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – October 5, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented. This turned out to be the BEST monologue I’ve delivered so far. Every joke got huge response.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Word of the day was ‘grandiose’. In the board, it was written ‘Word of the day is splendid’. That was from one of the old meetings.

2. Meeting theme was ‘Fall’.

3. Rens, the emcee, said that Toastmasters is a safe environment for speakers.

4. Marcelina, during her speech, mistakenly said, “My three girls”, instead of “My three friends”. That got huge laughter. She showed ‘THE END’ card and said this is common between all the movies that there is an end.

5. There were many guests. Two of our TMs brought guests to the meeting. Linda, one of the guests, said that she was there because her husband was there (who was also a guest).

6. One of the table topics was ‘How to lose 50 kilos before Christmas?’

7. Our president Justina got married last week.

8. One of the table topics was ‘Tell about that time when you fell down’. Alex talked. He said he’s a good biker, but when he went out for the first time with his girl friend, he fell down because he was kissing her while biking. He thought their relationship would end there, but it didn’t.

9. At Toastmasters, we use sandwich evaluation. i.e. what was good, what could the speaker improve, and what was good again.

10. Shane had flu.

11. Tobias gave a speech about body language. He asked the audience to write 3 important aspects of body language. He showed 2 types of entrances – one with dropped shoulders, and one with dictator pose. He drew the dropped shoulder, legs narrowed, chin down, dull looking guy on the board.

12. We had 27 people attending the meeting, the most ever.

13. In one of the speeches, the term ‘yellow rubber duck’ was widely used.

14. Erin, the grammarian, asked us to never use the word ‘like’. She said that she removed this word from dictionary.

15. One of the speakers said that Kristen Stewart always has one expression for every emotion.

The Humor Monologue
1. [I shook hands with the emcee and fell down]
That’s the 3rd way of entrance
(Self deprecation. Tobias explained 2 ways of entrances, so this 3rd was funny. If Tobias had explained 3 ways of entrances, then my 4th way would’ve been less funny.)

2. Rens, you said that Toastmasters is ‘SAFE’ environment?
(Wordplay. Taking a different meaning of the word ‘safe’. Instead of safe to speak, I meant safe to live.)

3. Dear Toastmasters, guests, and 3 girls of Marcelina.
(Simple callback, but huge laughter because when Marcelina said that line, that got huge laughter. Since she made a silly mistake.)

4. Take a piece of paper and write down 3 points why you hate me. To be precise, why you don’t LIKE me.
(Self deprecation. And do what someone asks not to do – in this case, the word ‘like’)

5. We have so many guests. Bogdan brought Faizal. Alex brought Enzo. And shane brought lots of viruses.
(Absurd. Rule of three. Shane had flu and I used that to make a pattern of three.)

6. So, Kristen Stewart has only one expression? That’s one more than what I have.
(Self deprecation)

7. People who used the word ‘grandiose’, sorry. The word of today is ‘splendid’.
(Good observation. Nobody noticed that it was written on the board until I pointed out.)

8. My aim is to lose 50 kilos before Christmas… 2068.
(Twist at the end.)

9. My wife said she also wanted to lose 50 kilos. I was LIKE… but you weigh a 45 kilos.
(Joke = usage of LIKE. The pause after saying LIKE made it work. Then absurdity – a person who weighs 45 kilos wanting to lose 50 kilos.)

10. Apple released a new version of iOS last month. They advertised that as grand-iOS.
(Wordplay on word of the day)

11. Justina got married. So someone did ‘FALL’ for her.
(Using theme of the meeting)

12. Linda is here because her husband is here. I am here because my wife is not here.
(180 degree twist. Huge laughter.)

13. Tobias, thanks for drawing me [points to the figure with dropping shoulders]
(Self deprecation)

14. I have bad news and good news. First the bad news: 10 yrs ago, Alex fell down from motor bike. And the good news is I was sitting behind. And it didn’t end there.
(Absurdity. I learnt this from John Kinde. i.e. to put a man in woman’s place. Imagine Alex kissing me while riding a motor bike – it’s absurd and paints a funny picture. Extremely huge laughter. Followed by the topper “It didn’t end there”. Even huge laughter)

15. Falafel sandwich – Have you heard of it? It was actually invented by a Toastmaster. At a speech, he wanted to say ‘fell’, but nervously said instead the present tense – ‘Fall’, then he used the filler word ‘Ah’, then realized his mistake and said ‘Fell’. It was like Fall-ah-fell.
(Silly wordplay)

16. And his evaluator used sandwich method. So falafel sandwich.
(Again silly wordplay)

17. My wife has got 3 rubber ducks. Yellow one, purple one, and this one [points to myself]
(Theory of superiority. Rule of three. Extremely huge laughter)

18. I would like more people in the audience at the next meeting too. So I advise that we lock all the doors and open in 2 weeks.
(Silly suggestion)

19. I got married 6 months ago. And that was [shows THE END card]
(Self deprecation. Extremely huge laughter.)

20. Have a safe ride back home. If anybody wants a ride back home, Alex is here by motor bike.
(Callback to Alex riding motor bike and implying that the person sitting behind would get a kiss. Good closer.)

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