Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – November 2, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. I arrived 5 mins late to the meeting. Sandy, a guest arrived 10 mins late. She said she was lost. Indeed it’s very difficult to find our meeting place within the campus.

2. Our club president announced that I was placed 3rd in the Division Contest. She showed my trophy to everyone. She also announced that in 2 weeks I’m moving to Amsterdam for a new job.

3. Floris gave a speech about PowerPoint presentation. He asked us to avoid using PowerPoint. He said that some people add porn to PowerPoint. Shashi asked him which font to use. Winslow jokingly asked if he said ‘font’ or ‘porn’ since they sounded alike. Floris asked us to add more pics, less text. And not use bullet points, but instead use numbers.

4. Theme of the meeting was Halloween. Table topics master said he chose a different theme for table topics – Literature. He gave topics on Bob Dylan.

5. Shane said that if you want to be considered great, never be lucid, never state it.

6. Maha said that she doesn’t want Trump as president because then it would feel like a very long Halloween season.

7. There was a 13-yr-old kid in the audience.

8. Somebody made manager/boss/Team jokes. She said a project was started 5 years ago and still going on (which is unusual). Her speech evaluator said that she used very long sentences.

9. Someone asked how to keep your audience quiet while you speak.

10. Mike gave his 10th speech. He didn’t move at all. He said he sucked at languages, especially English. His speech evaluator asked him to practice in front of mirror to improve his body language and movement around the stage.

11. Winslow said that American sandwiches have a lot of stuff in between bread. Dutch sandwiches have only a thin slice, either cheese or meat slice. Audience laughed because it’s true.

12. Mike said that her mom advised him, “If you don’t study, you’ll end up working in the same company where his father works.”

The Humor Monologue
1. That trophy – cost me sleepless nights, hard work, and 15 euros.
(Rule of 3. Good opener)

2. Like Justina said, in 2 weeks, I’m starting my new job… at the company where Mike’s father works. If only I studied well…
(Self deprecation. Unexpected punchline. The announcement that I was moving to a new job was done at the last moment, just before calling me to the stage to present my monologue. So, this line was made in my mind, not written on my sheet. That was spontaneous. And the topper “If only I studied well” was perfect.)

3. [acts like trying to switch on a PowerPoint presentation] Wait… Floris disapproved my slides.
(Callback to Floris asking us not to use PowerPoint)

4. Meeting theme – Halloween. Table topics theme – Literature. For me, there is no difference.
(Implied punchline – Literature is horrifying. Good laughter)

5. If you want to be considered great, never be lucid, never state it, and always laugh at my jokes.
(Rule of 3. Silly.)

6. Sandy, you were lost today. Don’t worry. You are not alone. I’ve been coming to this venue for 3 years. And today, I was lost.
(Self deprecation. Exaggeration.)

7. It feels like a very long Halloween season… ever since I got married.
(Self deprecation. I’ve been making at least one wife joke at every meeting. And the trend continues.)

8. Every night, my wife would say, “Honey, come to bed.” I would say, “I am doing some office work.” “What work?” “Nothing. Just watching PowerPoint.”
(Implied punchline – that I prefer watching porn. Good laughter.)

9. There is a kid in the audience. Otherwise I’d be telling ‘font’ jokes.
(Implied punchline. font = porn)

10. Yesterday was Halloween. I was scared. A kid was at my door… dressed as my manager.
(Huge laughter. Used the joke format of this joke from “The Tonight Show by Jimmy Fallon” – Hillary Clinton got quite a scare tonight. I guess a trick-or-treater came to the door dressed as a lie detector. If Hillary is scared of lie detector, who would I be scared of?)

11. When I speak, everybody keeps quiet. How? I make them fall asleep.
(Self deprecation)

12. Once, I gave a presentation full of JUST PICTURES. Nothing else. Still the audience complained that it was the most boring presentation ever. Why? Because those pictures were pictures of white board full of written lines. Moreover, the lines were bulleted, not numbered.
(I asked myself a what-if question. What if I added only pictures and no text and how can it still be boring? The answer is a pic with text. And the topper with bullets/numbers fit perfectly)

13. Mike actually practised in front of mirror. A very small mirror.
(Painted a funny picture. Gave a logical explanation to the question why Mike didn’t move at all. Huge laughter.)

14. Moreover, didn’t Mike say that he sucks at languages? Body language is a language too.
(Listing technique. I listed language and came up with languages like, English, Tamil, C, Java, Javascript, Body language. I related the fact that Mike sucks at languages to body language. Huge laughter.)

15. Jitske used very long sentence. She started it 5 years ago.
(Absurdity. Callback to project that was started 5 years ago.)

16. She keeps on continuing and never stops a sentence because a “full stop” resembles a “bullet point”.
(Silly, but funny)

17. Indian sandwiches have nothing in between. Someone stole it.
(Best line of the monologue. It took a while for the laughter to subside. I had to wait so long to say the topper “Someone stole it.” The reason why it got such a huge laughter is that this line has many elements a good joke should have
a. Theory of superiority. i.e. making fun of a country that the audience doesn’t belong to.
b. Absurdity. Imagine a sandwich with nothing in between. That’s simply called as 2 bread loaves.
c. Paints a funny picture.
d. Rule of 3. The setup was already established. i.e. American sandwich has a lot in between. Dutch sandwich only has a thin slice of meat in between. All I had to do was go even further down. i.e. more -> thin -> nothing.
e. Exaggeration. Eating two breads and calling it as a sandwich is mere exaggeration.
The topper was good too. It again uses theory of superiority.)


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