Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – November 16, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Marcelina gave a speech titled ASMR. She showed us a 2-min ASMR video – a video in which a girl named Maria was whispering some positive thoughts. Marcelina said she would listen to this ASMR to fall asleep every day.

2. I was wearing casuals – t-shirt and jean for the first time at a TM meeting.

3. One of the table topics was “30-day challenge”. Tobias said that his 30-day challenge is to talk to one stranger a day. He asked us not to talk personal things with a stranger, like, “My mother died yesterday.” Also he asked us to use open-ended questions to develop the conversation, like – why, what, how etc.

4. Tobias’ speech evaluator said that lighting was not proper. Upto his hips, it was dark, and below hips, he had lights. He also asked Tobias not to finish his speech by doing a hand gesture [gesture that signaled that I’m done and I have to hurry now]

5. Shashi told that it’s hard to initiate small talk with introverts.

6. One of the table topics was “Have you made anything special for someone.” Winslow talked. He said he made a painting for his mom’s 50th birthday. A few months later he found that painting at him mom’s garage. When asked why, his mom said that the painting didn’t go well with the color of paint in the room.

7. One speaker said that Mt. Everest may be the highest mountain, but [some other mountain] is the hardest to climb.

8. Irina finished her speech by saying “Hallelujah, it’s over.”

9. Bogdan announced that our club got a blue ribbon from a very famous person. He pinned that ribbon to the club banner.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening Toastmasters, guests, and Maria from the video.
(Since Maria talked for 2 mins in the video, I assumed her as a participant of the meeting. Addressing her was absurd. Hence funny)

2. I don’t have to whisper. If I just start speaking, people fall asleep.
(Self deprecation)

3. Couple of weeks ago, I was wearing suit. Last week, I was wearing formal shirt. Today I am wearing t-shirt. Next week, come to the meeting at your own risk.
(Implied punchline that I’ll be naked. Absurd. And paints a funny picture)

4. My 30-day challenge is to not to take any 30-day challenge.
(Irony. Not taking a 30-day challenge is a 30-day challenge)

5. Mr. Trump’s 30-day challenge is “one wife a day”.
(Callback to “one stranger a day”. Exaggeration)

6. Whenever I meet a stranger, I start small talk like this. “Hi, I am Bala. Is your mother alive?” But then, that’s close-ended question. So I rephrased that to “Why is your mother alive?”
(Joke. Topper. Topper. Best 3 lines of the monologue. Extremely huge laughter for all 3 lines)

7. I’m sorry, Bogdan. [goes and takes away the blue ribbon from the club banner] Blue doesn’t go well with the banner’s red color.
(Callback to Winslow’s mom’s story. Being silly and taking away the ribbon is funny.)

8. Why, what, how, where, when – These are the most commonly used words by… my wife.
(At every meeting, I keep making wife jokes and the tradition is continuing.)

9. Mt. Everest is the highest mountain. But the hardest to climb is the pipe at the back of my apartment when I come home very late.
(Following on the wife joke theme. Paints a funny picture – climbing the pipe to not get noticed by wife while coming home late.)

10. Marcelina’s evaluation should’ve been just for 1 minute. And the rest 2 minutes – an ASMR video.
(I asked myself the what-if question. What if her evaluation followed the same pattern.)

11. For 51st birthday, Winslow gifted his mom a bucket of paint.
(Silly. To make her hang the painting again, he gifted a matching color paint.)

12. On my dad’s 60th birthday, I made him… write the will.
(Break the audience expectation. I made him – this made the audience think that I made something nice. Then I broke their expectation by saying “write the will”)

13. My dad is not letting me inside his home anymore. No, not because I asked him to write the will. But because the wall color doesn’t match with my skin color.
(Silly – not allowing someone inside home because their skin color doesn’t match with the wall color)

14. Tobias top half was dark and the bottom half was lighted. The top part is introvert and the bottom – extrovert.
(Giving a new definition. Callback to extrovert, introvert things.)

15. Hallelujah, it’s over. [gesture that signaled that I’m done and I have to hurry now]
(Callback to Hallelujah. And do something that someone asks you not to do – that gesture)


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