Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – November 30, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. The theme of the meeting was “Now or never”.

2. One of the guests was Chinese. He said that in Chinese, his name means hero.

3. Erin talked about her passion for mountain climbing. In the Netherlands, there is no mountain. She said she is mountainsick (like being homesick).

4. Shripad was the ah counter. He said that he counted ah’s in everyone’s speech except his own speech.

5. Nikos gave a speech about self-help books. He talked about four books
a) The 7 habits of highly effective people
b) The 6 pillars of self esteem
c) The power of now
d) Eat Move Sleep

6. Tobias talked about near death experience. For one person, when experiencing that, his family members flashed in front of his eye.

7. Floris gave a speech about Kanban cycle, Lean and Agile methodologies.
He said two quotes, “If everything is under control, then you are not moving fast enough.” and “Act small, think big, and fail cheap.

8. Justina advised the evaluators not to just look at the person whose speech they are evaluating, but to look at everyone.

9. The meeting was running over by 15 minutes. It was already 8:55 pm when I went to stage for delivering observational humor.

The Humor Monologue
[I turned my back to the audience and started looking at the wall clock]
1. Good evening Toastmasters, guests, and especially wall clock.
(Do something that someone asks you not to do. I assumed wall clock as a person and started giving a speech to that.)

2. I am Bala. In Indian language, Bala means ‘zero’.
(Self deprecation. Callback to ‘hero’)

3. I am the author of the bestselling motivational book “The Power of Never”.
(Alliteration. Self deprecation. Replacing the word ‘Now’ with the other word of the theme of the meeting ‘Never’ – perfectly fit.)

4. Every time, I start giving a speech, the audience immediately walk out of the room. I just assume that they are homesick.
(Self deprecation. Silly. Unexpected twist.)

5. In the Netherlands, it’s a bad idea to implement Kanban cycle, lean cycle, agile cycle. It will get stolen.
(Truth. In the Netherlands, every day, 100s of bikes get stolen.)

6. Make your problems seem really really small. Erin does that. She climbs a mountain as high as she can, then the problem on earth will look very small.
(Not a joke. But just a silly way to make your problems seem very small.)

7. Shripad. I counted the number of ah’s you said. You said 16 ah’s. Especially to point out someone said ah’s, like “Chris, you said 6 ah’s.. you said 10 ah’s, and you said 20 ah’s”.
(Silly. Absurd. Actually Shripad didn’t say any ah. But he had to say the word ‘ah’ to point out that others said ah’s. I made use of that opportunity to create the absurdity.)

8. Eat Sleep Move. But not at the same time.
(Paints a funny picture)

9. Have you read the self help book written for marijuana addicts? The 7 habits of effectively HIGH people.
(Word play. Switching 2 words and twisting them.)

10. But the problem is that the readers of the book tear the pages and make marijuana joints.
(Irony. Paints a funny picture.)

11. Erin, you will love Niko’s home. He has so many books stacked on top of each other, like a mountain.
(Callback to Erin loving mountains and Nikos reading lots of books and linking them together.)

12. Nikos has so many books arranged in the shelf too. He needs one more book – The 6 pillars of shelf esteem.
(Silly wordplay)

13. I had a near-death experience once. I was exchanging rings.
(Implied punch line that my wedding was my near-death experience)

14. My wife flashed in front of my eye. No, she WAS in front of my eye.
(Topper to the last joke)

15. If everything is under my control, then my wife is not home.
(Following on the last two jokes on wife. Self deprecation that I have control only when my wife is not around.)

16. Act small, think big, leave before 9 [looking at the clock]
(Bookmark ending. Perfect closer.)


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