Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – January 11, 2017

Happy New Year 2017, folks. May this year be a fantastic year for you.

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Marcelina, the table topics master gave different objects to people and asked the speakers to talk about them. She took the objects out of an Albert Heijn (a famous Dutch chain of supermarket) bag.

2. One of the objects was “Women makeup kit”. Rens talked. He said that he appreciate the courage of women who don’t use make-up.

3. There were 3 Alex’s in the meeting.

4. Our club is growing. We have almost 35 to 40 members.

5. We had 6 guests. They were from Portugal, Italy, India, Romania, Netherlands.

6. The pub next door offered free cheese (leftovers) to us. But most of us didn’t eat that.

7. Shashi mistakenly said he listened to a music piece and stoned. But he actually wanted to say “mesmerized”. It became a running gag.

8. Word of the day was “Volatility” – transformation of liquid to gas.

9. Lupe gave a speech about Spanish people and their fear of public speaking, but they use the body language very well. She used too much statistics. Her speech evaluator said she added ‘e’ before anything that starts with ‘S’. e.g. eSpain, eSpaniard etc. Also she pronounced ‘audience’ as ‘ouudience’.

10. Next week, we’re having potluck dinner.

11. Our club has a new Whatsapp group.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening gentlemen, ladies… with makeup, and ladies without makeup.
(Rule of 3. Good opener. I paused after saying “ladies” to make it work.)

2. Alex (ah counter), you missed to count one ‘AH’ that that the table topics master used. She used an Albert Heijn bag.
(In the Netherlands, it’s quite common abbreviation AH. Everyone knows AH means Albert Heijn by default. This was a clever line and made them go wow.)

3. We have guests from Portugal, Italy, India, Romania. Spanish guests will join us next week, when we just have dinner, and no talking.
(Callback to Spanish people having fear of public speaking. Superiority theory – There were no Spanish people except Lupe in the audience.)

4. We have a new WhatsApp group. Kudos to all the women who have a profile picture without makeup.
(Callback to the makeup line. Good laughter.)

5. My wife and I always have arguments about using make-up. The arguments always end with “Okay, I will not use it anymore. I promise you, my darling wifey.”
(Break the audience assumption. They assume by default that it’s the woman who wears make-up. The last word of this joke breaks that assumption and let them rethink the whole sentence. Self deprecation.)

6. We have so many members in this club. It’s time we split the club in to two. One club with 20 members. And the other club with all the Alex’s.
(Best line of the monologue. The build up created tension and the punchline was at the very end, the very last word – Alex’s. Exaggeration. Create tension and release technique.)

7. Nobody touched the free cheese. No wonder it’s second week of the New Year… everyone having gym membership cards.
(Universal truth that people are motivated only in the beginning of the year to be motivated.)

8. May I suggest you a very good work out for tonight? After I say a joke, keep clapping. Work-out for your hands.
(I thought it was a good line since it is kind of silly suggestion, but the response was kind of ‘Meh’.)

9. And Spaniards, use your body, and roll on the floor, laughing.
(Topper. This one got decent laughter.)

10. Lupe, you are very good at estatistics. That’s Ouusome.
(Joke. Topper. Repeat one’s mistake. Both of them got good laughter.)

11. Word of the day is volatile, meaning “liquid to gas”. It is definitely not the word of the season. All the liquid is turning into ice.
(Geeky line. It’s kind of line that would make audience go wow it’s thinking from a different angle, but not make them laugh.)

12. Before announcing the winners, when we were drum rolling, Shashi was stoned.
(Great opportunity to call back the running gag. I was looking for a place at the meeting where we make music. Drum roll has the instrument name itself in the name. So it made sense to make use of this opportunity. Perfect closer.)

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One response

  1. my two favorites are wife–makeup two clubs–Alex Excellent monologue I need to write a new post did a mono monday

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