Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – February 15, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. One speaker said, “Store energy in summer and use in winter.”

2. Justina, our club president, gave an educational session on evaluation. She asked us to evaluate the speech and not the person, and not to keep telling the same negative point again and again, and to give some encouragement. She left before the meeting was over.

3. All table topics were about ship wreck. For one tabletopic, 3 people were called, they were assigned nurse, chef, soldier roles. The question was only one of them can survive and why it should be them.

4. Shripad gave icebreaker speech. He said he’s Leonardo Da Vinci. He said we would know why that is so as the speech progresses. Later we found out that he’s interested in art and science. His daughter inherited the art trait and his son, the science trait he said.

5. Shripad also talked about his profession. He was a technical guy, then later on he got the opportunity to become a project manager. He got good visibility as project manager but then he didn’t like the job. At that time he watched a Bollywood movie named “3 idiots” whose theme is – If you follow your passion, success will follow you. So, he quit his job as project manager and again became a technical guy.

6. One speaker asked us to meditate and said it’s good.

The Humor Monologue
1. I am Bill Gates. You’ll know why as my speech progresses.
(Not a joke. But a buildup and will keep the tension going until the end.)

2. The ship in which I sailed wrecked. The good news is that my wife deserted in a different island.
(I usually make wife jokes. And this one perfectly fit the place. Very good laughter.)

3. The bad news is that someone rescued me and took me to my wife.
(Continuation of the bad, good. Okish joke)

4. Moreover I wrote on the island in big font – DONT HELP.
(Visual joke. I first wrote HELP on the white board. Then I added DONT in front. That maximized the laughter. If I had written DONT first, it wouldn’t have had the same effect. Very huge laughter.)

5. If some one wrecks, it would be “Long time no see.” Or “Long time, sea”.
(Word play. I had to write it on the whiteboard for this joke to work.)

6. I want to evaluate Justina’s speech. She’s short. She is Lithuanian. She has a bad voice. A dying person will have a better voice. Donald Trump has a much better voice. She doesn’t have the courage to listen to my evaluation. She left.
(Do something that someone asks you not to do. Justina asked us to evaluate the speech and not the person. Also she asked us not to repeat a negative point.)

7. Some encouragement to justina. She didn’t use much makeup today.
(Looks like encouragement. But still sarcasm.)

8. Okay. Enough evaluating Justina’s speech.
(Huge laughter. I was not actually evaluating her speech. But saying that I was evaluating her speech is funny.)

9. Nurse, soldier, chef – 3 idiots.
(Linking 3 idiots movie to the 3 roles.)

10. I store all my jokes in summer and use them in winter.
(Adapting energy saving to Observational Humor Monologue theme.)

11. My traits will run in my family. My daughter will become a procrastinator. And my son will become a thief.
(Self deprecation.)

12. Being a thief is much better than being a project manager.
(Exaggeration. Best line of the monologue.)

13. I told my son, “Hey son, if you follow your passion, I don’t know if success will follow you or not. But definitely the police will.”
(Another very good line. Unexpected punchline.)

14. Meditation is good. You all should meditate. That will make my son’s job easier.
(Rule of three. First 2 were about good things about meditation. The third one is also a good thing – but a good thing for me.)

15. I simply steal people’s money through Windows. Now you know why I am Bill Gates.
(Bookmark ending. The punchline was revealed after 13 lines.)

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2 responses

  1. Excellent structure. Good book ends Good wife joke, different island, took me to my wife. Good workout on Justina. Change the order, and slightly the wording. But enough about Justina’s speech. She didn’t use much makeup today. Change the wording Write your jokes in the summer. Tell them in Winter. It’s stronger as a TIP than telling us what you do. Write/tell stronger than store/use. change wording. When I discovered that my son was a thief I was so relieved. I worried that he would become a project manger.

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