Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – March 1, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Word of the day was “Prognosis”. It was written on a name card and placed on a table.

2. Shashi, the table-topics master, said a story for how the word “Toastmasters” came to existence. He spent a lot of time at the table near the projector to set his table topics up.

3. He had 7 images. He asked the speakers to pick a number between 1 and 7 and based on that he gave an image and asked them to talk on the image.

4. One of the images was a greenish mountain where a basket, blanket, and Dutch food were kept, like picnicking. Mike talked. He said that her girl friend’s eyes are like the blue water. She smells like the green mountain.

5. The light used by the timer broke.

6. Shaoxiong gave his icebreaker speech. He said he used to stammer and how he overcame it. He asked us to confront our fear. He also said an inspiring quote, “Life starts at the end of comfort zone”.

7. Shaoxiong’s speech title was “My audible secret”. He used the word audible a lot. The ah counter said that Shaoxiong used 79 ah’s. The other speaker Ana didn’t use the filler word ah.

8. It’s carnaval time in the Netherlands, during which people dress up like someone and drink lots of beer.

9. I talked on a table topic. I got a picture of a busy street. I said that the world is going to end and only one street is going to survive and that was that street. I asked the audience to buy home in that street if they want to live longer.

10. The ladies tried to switch on the projector. But they were not able to reach it. So one of the men switched it on.

11. We din’t have the key to open the meeting hall. So we had to wait outside for 10 mins.

12. One speaker said, “Work hard. Party harder.”

The Humor Monologue
1. Dear ladies and tall men.
(Twist to the usual opening line “Ladies and gentlemen”. Good opener)

2. Welcome our new club member “Prognosis”.
(Since the name was written on a name plate, I gave it a definition that it’s a real person.)

3. I don’t know how the word “Toastmasters” came into existence. But I know about the word “Table-topics master”. They spend a lot of time at the table.
(Shashi, the table-topics master did spend a lot of time at the table to setup the powerpoint. He wasted 10 mins. So, it was nice opportunistic line.)

4. We had to wait outside for 10 mins. It’s not something new for me. Every day, I wait for 3 hrs, when I go home late.
(My usual wife joke theme)

5. As a Toastmaster, I would describe my wife like this. Her lips are red like the red light. She smells like the green light. But forget it. The lights don’t work anyway.
(Parallel story. The topper got more laughter.)

6. Shaoxiong said 79 ahs. Out of which 78 came from the word ahh-dible.
(Linking up two facts)

7. Did you see that picture? The one where two things don’t go well together. Mountain and Dutch food.
(The Netherlands is a flat country, only one mountain. So this joke was well received.)

8. Good job, Ana. Not even an-ah.
(Word play)

9. I sold my home in that special street for 3 billion euros. Turned out that the news about the world ending was just another scam.
(Superiority theory. The audience feel superior to the buyer of the house.)

10. My wife usually asks me to pick a number between 1 and 7. If I say 1, she would say, “Do the dishes.” 2 – “Clean the toilet” 3 – “Cook the curry”. In my case, “Work hard. Pantry harder.”
(Superiority theory again. The topper is wordplay.)

11. One of my friends told me an inspiring quote, “Life starts at the end of marriage.”
(Best line of the monologue. Three reasons. One: It tricks the audience into thinking that what I’m going to say is really inspirational. They don’t expect the punchline coming. Two: It uses the quote that was told by someone else. Three: The punchline is just one word place at the very end of the joke.)

12. I decided to confront my fear. I wanted to raise my self esteem. So during the carnaval, I dressed up like my wife.
(Another best line. Rule of three. Superiority theory. The punchline deviates from what a real man would do to raise his self esteem.)

13. The bad news is that my wife dressed up like my mother-in-law.
(Superiority theory)

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