Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – March 22, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Shripad gave a speech titled “Incredible India”. He said that Einstein thanked the Indians because they invented how to count. His presentation slides were full of too much text. He said that India put 104 satellites in one rocket and launched it. Also India launched Mars mission.

2. He also showed a video titled “Incredible India”. After watching the video, many people told that they would like to go to India.

3. He also told that 2600 yrs ago, Indians did surgeries and found anesthesia.

4. One of the speakers said that work life balance is important, but his boss made him work like anything.

5. Inna, a speaker, gave a piece of paper to everyone and asked to draw a bird. Everyone drew their own versions. Then she told how to draw a standard bird, then everyone’s drawing looked alike.

6. One of the table topics was whether you would like to just “visit” many places? Or “live” in many places?

7. Rens talked on a table topic. He said that he asked his uncle whether he could go to his home. His uncle asked him not to come in November. So he went in the mid of Jan. He found out that the kitchen was not done for 2.5 months. It was finished only in February, only after 3.5 months.

8. The emcee invited me to the floor for observational humor, then she remembered that she hadn’t asked the guests how they liked the meeting, so she asked me to stay back until the guests complete giving their opinion.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening 9 ladies and 11 gentlemen. After all, we, Indians, invented how to count.
(Twisted the typical opener “ladies and gentlemen” by adding numbers. Good opener)

2. You’re welcome, Einstein.
(Absurdity. Einstein thanked the Indians who invented counting. But I said “You’re welcome” meaning that he thanked all Indians.)

3. The emcee asked the guests to share their opinion before my speech, because then their opinion will change.
(Self deprecation. Implying that my speech is going to be very bad.)

4. Check if the piece of paper is still there on your table? Or the bird flew away?
(Absurdity – a drawn-bird flying)

5. Okay, let’s draw my wife.
(This one set the series of wife jokes well. Already the audience started laughing.)

6. Wait, you don’t have a standard picture of my wife, right? Let me show you one. [shows a demon pic drawn by me]
(Huge laughter. Theory of superiority)

7. I proposed long-distance relationship to my wife. She in India. And I in Mars.
(Exaggeration. Unexpected punchline. Break audience expectation. Audience expected I would say, “I in the Netherlands”)

8. It’s a pity that I didn’t bring my wife here today. Otherwise I would have shown her that great video about India and convinced her to go back to India.
(Best line of the monologue. Everyone was convinced to go to India after watching the video. I used that fact to make it work for me.)

9. I told my wife that I’d only like to “visit” several places. But she forces me to “live” in several places, like, bathroom, store room, garage.
(Twist. Break audience expectation. When I say places, the audience assume that I talk about cities or countries. But I narrow it down to places in a house. Also self deprecation.)

10. My boss is a very good guy. He would always say, “Go home. Work life balance is important.” I’d be like, “I have to find a new boss.”
(Ends the series of wife jokes. 180 degree twist. Everyone would like the other way around.)

11. India put 104 satellites in one rocket. Shripad put 104 lines of text in one slide.
(Exaggeration. Another best line of the monologue.)

12. Shripad’s slides were full of text, densely populated with text. Don’t blame him. His speech was about the most populous country.
(Truth. Linking common facts.)

13. Are you interested in surgeries without anesthesia? Just let me know. I can put you to sleep by giving a speech.
(The audience started laughing even after finishing the setup. I think the setup itself is a joke. The punchline is self deprecation.)

14. My uncle said to me, “Don’t come in November.” So I went in January. I was shocked to see my uncle and aunt without… oh no… without… any… clot… THEIR LAUNDRY WASN’T DONE IN 3 MONTHS.
(Absurdity. Paints a funny picture – naked uncle and aunt.)

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