Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – January 10, 2018

This is my first monologue of this year. It’s been almost 4 months since I delivered a monologue, because of my long vacation in India, then the holiday season in December, and finally at the first Toastmasters meeting of this year, delivered one.
We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. There were 8 guests at the meeting, the highest ever.

2. One of the guests was from Bali, Indonesia. She said that during Indonesian New Year (in March), there would be no power supply, hence no mobile phones, no TV, no internet. Also they would fast the whole day.

3. One of the speakers talked about the progression from 1G to 5G in mobile phones. He was initially nervous, but later on gained confidence. His speech evaluator said that he could’ve made a strong opening like “Do you know there are many phones than the number of people using it?”

4. Maha was the stop-word counter.

5. The emcee of the meeting had to stand during the whole meeting because we had less number of chairs.

6. One of the table-topics was given to a guest named Gabriela. The topic was “Do you believe in God?”

7. One of the table-topics was “If you can go sky high, what would you like to do?”

8. The emcee of the meeting said that nobody is perfect, everybody is here to learn.

9. The emcee said that in Romania, on the New Year’s Day, they wear yellow underwear for good luck, red for love, and white for peace.

10. One of the speakers told that you’re never tool old to do something.

11. One of the speakers used a catchy word “resounding”, which grabbed everyone’s attention

12. Word of the day was “Ambassador”.

The Humor Monologue
1. I want to make a “RESOUNDING” opening. How about this? Do you know that today we have more guests with mobile phones than members with mobile phones?
(Usage of the word “resounding” to grab everyone’s attention. Implied punchline that the number of guests were more than the members)

2. In the past, we would have just one guest, then 2 guests, then 3, today 8 guests. Nice progression from 1G to 8G.
(Adapted the speech theme of progressing from 1G to 5G to use it for the G word Guest)

3. I have a friend whose first name is “Bas” and last name is “Hodor”. He would always introduce himself as “I’m Bas Hodor” “I’m Bas Hodor”.
(Word play on the word-of-the-day Ambassador. Hodor is actually a name of character from The Game of Thrones. I just happened to remember that and made word play out of it)

4. Look at the irony. The ah-ha counter has ah-ha in her name. Maha.
(Irony is mostly funny. Good observation.)

5. Another irony. The chair of the meeting doesn’t have a chair.
(Wordplay. And another good observation.)

6. When the table-topics master called Gabrielle to speak on the topic “Do you believe in God?”, she was like “OH MY GOD!”
(Very good response. Linking one’s fear of public speaking with the table-topic itself.)

7. My New Year resolution is to “stop drinking” unless you’re getting the beer for free.
(Self deprecation. Cheap)

8. If I can go sky high, I would like to stay there… far far away from my wife.
(My usual wife roast)

9. Dinil started his speech at 1G speed and finished his speech in a bang at 5G speed.
(Used his speech topic as his speech evaluation)

10. Sashi, you said that nobody is perfect. I would like to kindly remind you “I AM PERFECT”.
(Opposite of self deprecation. It’s kind of mild arrogance. Adding the word “kindly” in front of the punchline to make it sound like it’s not arrogant, but joke. It also hides the punchline coming.)

11. In Bali, no TV, no internet, no mobile phones on New Years Day. It doesn’t sound like a New Year. It sounds like going back to Old Year 1860.
(Observation that not using any device doesn’t sound like New Year, rather very old age)

12. In Bali, they fast on the New Year’s Day. Even I fast on Jan 1. And on Jan 2, I start eating, and say to myself, “Forget it. I’m not losing weight this year too.”
(Implied punchline that my New Year resolution is to lose weight. Self deprecation that I can’t follow my resolution even for one day.)

[Following 5 jokes are series of jokes on the same theme, which got huge response]
13. I don’t believe in good luck. I don’t believe in love. I don’t believe in peace. I mean I never wear an underwear.
(Paints a funny picture. Self deprecation)

14. What? You don’t believe me? [gestures like going to lower the trouser]
(Again paints a funny picture)

15. My New Year resolution is to start wearing one.
(Following up on the theme and linking it with New Year Resolution)

16. I hope I’m not too old for it.
(Callback to one of the motivational quote said during the meeting. Using that quote for wearing an underwear is funny.)

17. Before leaving, I would like to kindly kindly remind you “I AM PERFECT”
(Callback to my earlier line in the same monologue. Also irony that I’m not even wearing an underwear but saying I’m perfect.)

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One response

  1. NOTES BELOW IN CAPS

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