Category Archives: Facebook Fast

Facebook Fast – 1

Facebook is an addiction. People login to FB every minute to check their friends’ updates. I’m not saying everybody does that. There are exceptions: There are people who last logged in on Facebook 3 years ago. And never logged off. Einstein was right about his theory of relativity: “When you spend time on Facebook, time will fly like seconds. But when you stay away from Facebook, time will move like express trains in India.” I wanted to see how life would be when I stay away from Facebook. Hence this experiment: Facebook Fast.

Facebook Fast is good in one way. I wouldn’t get to see irritating updates like
1. How many likes for this cute vomit.
2. For every share, Facebook will give this person 3 cents and Rajya Sabha nomination.
3. Farmville invitation (I wish, along with Accept and Block, there were one more option: Report to Kapil Sibal)

facebook_noI began my fast by temporarily disabling my Facebook account. I wanted to socialize with real accounts, er… real people. So, on my first day of fast, I went to a pub nearby. I started staking out a pretty woman in the pub, a thing that every guy does on Facebook. Unfortunately, I didn’t notice that her boyfriend was also with her. You must have guessed by now what had happened next. Yeah, he kicked my… my… dash. Then he looked around the pub and asked the people out there: How many likes for this kick? I realized at that point, at the moment he kicked my dash, three things

1. Before I go to a pub next time, I probably should empty my bladder.
2. Nobody can SHARE my current status and my pain in dash dash.
3. I should consider going to a women-only pub. oh wait… I’m not a girl.

You may think that pub is also addiction. But no, it isn’t. They normally shut down the pub at 1 a.m. I can’t stay in a pub after 1 a.m. unless I get fully drunk and… sleep in the pub’s toilet. If Facebook does the same – close at 1 a.m. – I would be very happy to join back. Imagine the situation, at 12:50 a.m., Facebook sending out alert message to its users: “Hello, you have only 10 more minutes before we shut down. Hurry up!! Send all your Farmville invitations quickly.”

On my way back home from the pub, I saw a street dog barking. It seemed to me that it was laughing at me since I didn’t have Facebook. Moreover it barked like lol lol lol. When I was on Facebook, my friends used to post a pic of me with a dog and a caption, “Find at least one difference between these two dogs.” In those times, I would defend myself and comment on that pic, “Hey guys, watch your words. I have Facebook account and that dog doesn’t. Hmmm. That’s one difference.”

I continued my fast for one month and went through several difficult phases. I wanted to compile all those incidents and publish as a book, so it would be helpful to the future generation. I would name the book “Phase book.”

I joined back Facebook after a month and saw a pic going viral, with 3,578,765,234 likes and 370,159,734 shares. It was a pic of me sleeping in a pub’s toilet. And the caption read, “Please share this pic. For every share, Facebook will give 3 cents to this poor cancer guy.”

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