Category Archives: Humor

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – June 14, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. The word of the day was ‘Nevertheless’. Many speakers combined two sentences with the word ‘Nevertheless’. It became a running gag.

2. Today is the birthday of Donald Trump.

3. The table topics were about minions. I got a topic – what if the minion is your imaginary friend? I said that it would do tasks like, fixing me drinks, ironing my clothes, and keep my wife away.

4. Another table-topics speaker called the minion Mr.Banana since it likes bananas.

5. Floris gave a technical speech. He called himself an entrepreneur. He explained models like Waterflow model, Scrum model, Kanban model etc.

6. Many speakers went way over time.

7. Tom asked us to get out of comfort zone. He said he got out of his physical comfort zone – he started wearing different types of clothes.

8. Tom said that to get out of comfort zone he would watch the most horrible, dark, disgusting moveis.

9. Linda, a guest, came to the meeting with her father. She said she came to Toastmaster because she wants to speak well.

10. Karen, another guest, said that she came to Toastmasters because she wants to be able to use the right word for the right occasion.

11. The tabletopics master quoted someone, “Do not do something to someone which would anger you if they did it to you.”

12. When the emcee invited me to the stage for the observational humor part, Floris interrupted, raised his hands, and wanted to ask the emcee something.

The Humor Monologue
1. Floris, let the Toastmaster complete what she wanted to say. She wanted to say “Hand over the floor”, not “Hand, over the shoulders”.
(It was a spontaneous line. Since Floris interrupted by raising his hands, this line came spontaneously to me. Good opener. Keep your ears and eyes open until you start speaking. Even at the last minute, you might get lines for your monologue. The more spontaneous it is, the more laughter you’ll get)

2. Today, I’ve gotten out of my physical comfort zone. I’m wearing clothes.
(Break the audience expectation. They were expecting I was wearing different kind of clothes.)

3. Today is the birthday of Donald Trump. Like Floris, he calls himself an entrepreneur.
(Find something similar to someone said.)

4. We saw that Floris is interested in models (Waterfall, Scrum, Kanban etc). Trump is interested in the same. Models.
(Word play. Good laughter.)

5. My imaginary friend Minion likes bananas. A banana a day will keep my wife away.
(Twist a cliche. Good laughter)

6. The most horrible, dark, disgusting movie is inspired by my married life.
(Self deprecation)

7. Push your boundaries… but not the boundaries on your speech time limit. Nevertheless, it’s not a contest.
(Observation – all speakers going way over time, and linking it with the theme. Topper – running gag on the word of the day. Best line of the monologue.)

8. I always do something to someone which would not anger me when they do the same to me. Last week, on the street, I kissed a random pretty girl.
(Unexpected punchline)

9. Linda, you want to speak well. It explains why you have come with your dad. Because you don’t want to keep mum.
(Wordplay)

10. Karen, you want to use the right words for right occasions. Take a cue from the birthday boy Trump, who uses 3 words for all occasions – Terrific, Tremendous, Loser.
(Good closer. Another best line of the monologue. The word ‘Loser’ got more laughter)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – May 17, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. The table topics were about wedding.

2. One of the table topics speakers said that she got 7 beautiful elephants as gift from her husband on her wedding day. Wooden ones.

3. One of the table topics speakers said that in their culture, they freeze a cake for 2 years since wedding and cut later on. The outer part will be very hard, and inside, very soft. They would need an electric knife to cut it.

4. Rens, the emcee, said an inspirational quote, “Whenever you think you’ve reached your limit, you have only put 40% effort. Go an extra mile.”

5. Ana said that her wedding dress was so long.

6. Herman, one of the speakers, talked about Frankenstein, bicycles etc. He mentioned years like 1869, 1875 etc.

7. Shane was referred as the oldest person who is married for a long time (by the Tabletopics master).

8. We had a guest named May.

9. This week was too hot. 27 degrees. Until last week, it was too cold.

10. Most speakers forgot to shake hands with the emcee or the table topics master.

11. I was the last speaker (Obs Humorous Master) and I concluded the meeting.

12. Ana, a speaker, used too many filler words, like “so”, “well”.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening Married Toastmasters and Happy Toastmasters.
(Good opener. Universal joke about married people)

2. I proposed to a girl 3 years ago. I was happy when she said, “I do”. Then only I realized that she said “Adieu”.
(Wordplay. Self deprecation. I didn’t say the punchline. I wrote it on the whiteboard to have more effect.)

3. I was caught drunk driving last week. I blame Rens for that. Because he said, “Whenever you think you’ve reached your limit, you’ve only put 40% effort.”
(One of the best lines of the monologue. Fitting an inspirational line in a different context to create absurdity.)

4. The next day, I got a ticket for speeding.
(Continuing on the same theme – going above the limit.)

5. The man who stitched Ana’s wedding gown literally went an extra mile.
(Same theme. Asked myself the question why. Why was her dress long? Punchline: Because the tailor went an extra mile.)

6. Herman mentioned some years during his speech – 1869, 1875… during which Shane was a kid.
(Exaggeration. When the table topics master referred to Shane as the oldest, it got huge laughter. So this line turned out to be one of the best lines of the monologue.)

7. My wife is like that cake in the freezer. She’s a hard person on the outside. But on the inside, she is very soft. Tomorrow, I’m buying an electric knife.
(Mislead the audience. First start by praising and then turn it into a ridicule. Implied punchline that I’m going to cut my wife into pieces. Best line of the monologue.)

8. On my wedding day, I gifted my wife seven… beautiful… cockroaches. Real ones. Not in wood.
(Rule of three. Seven… beautiful… cockroaches. The audience would least expect the third one. Because women are afraid of cockroaches. The topper is the exact opposite of what the speaker said.)

9. I love May. Er, I mean the month. I love May. Because May is hot.
(Another best line of the Monologue. Both the joke and the topper are wordplay. Shock and release technique too. When I said, “I love May (the guest)”, the audience were shocked. I released it by saying “I mean the month”. I followed on that and used another wordplay “May is hot”. It perfectly fit because today was the hottest day of the year.)

10. Ana, you are using the filler words so well.
(Wordplay. This line has two meanings. She indeed used the filler words “so”, “well”. And she used them so well.)

11. I’m happy that I’m the one who’s closing the meeting. Because I don’t have to shake hands.
(Perfect closer. Because “not shaking hands” became a running gag.)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – May 3, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. We had a guest named Amole. He said that he likes to pronounce people’s names correctly.

2. Floris talked on a table topic about coffee. He said that everyone drinks coffee at his office and coffee runs his office.

3. Word of the day was ‘Discombobulated’. Tom said that it’s his favorite word.

4. Many speakers dropped out in the last minute.

5. Amole nodded his head for something a speaker said. The speaker asked him whether he was hearing or nodding.

6. Shane gave a speech about his hobby. His hobby is programming. He said that he was going to show something which he does in a dark room, which was his hobby.

7. Tom talked on a table topic about clowns. He said that you don’t know what’s behind a clown; they may be man eaters.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening Toastmasters, guests, and especially Amelia. My hobby is pronouncing people’s names correctly.
(Rule of three. It’s ironic to mispronounce someone’s name who is interested in pronouncing other’s names correctly)

2. Who’s the CEO of Floris’ office? It’s coffee. Coffee runs his office.
(Derive another meaning from a sentence)

3. Today, many speakers dropped out. We wanted to fill in time. That’s why Tom chose the word ‘Discombobulated’. Every time a speaker say the word of the day, booom, 3 minutes gone.
(Exaggerating the observation that it’s a long word)

4. Discombobulated. It has all 5 vowels. And just one short of 21 consonants.
(It has all 5 vowels – observation. Followed by a topper – exaggeration. The topper got more laughter.)

5. Discombobulated – such a long word and it’s Tom’s favorite word. The shortest word is my favorite word and favorite person. That’s “I”.
(Unexpected twist. Self praising is funny.)

6. Amole, you shook your head now. I am sure that you are neither hearing nor nodding. You’re sleeping. My speech made you sleep.
(Self deprecation. If a person shakes his head, what can it be? Sleeping could be a punchline.)

7. I was shocked when Shane said, “I want to show you something which I do in the dark.”
(Best line of the monologue. Huge laughter.)

8. Moreover his speech title was “My hubby”.
(Word play. Twisting his title “My hobby”. Another best line of the monologue.)

9. My wife learnt programming. She programmed me to do the dishes, clean the toilet, cook the curry.
(Self deprecation)

10. It’s already 8:30. I’m hungry. Let me remind you that I’m a clown.
(Implied punchline that I’ll eat one of them. Good closer.)

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