Category Archives: IndianHumorBlog Best oneliners

Boss Jokes/ Manager Jokes

Of course, everyone in this world hates his/her manager. So, this post is for all of you. Enjoy the jokes.

Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Because changing a light bulb is technical work.

Managers are God. Yes. Managers are God.
Like, you do all the hard work and God gets the credit.

Managers wouldn’t understand my jokes on them. Why?
Because my jokes are not in MS Excel format.

Q: What do you call a manager who listens to your problems?
A: Manager at gunpoint.

There is a saying that the Germans have no sense of humor.
No wonder “Manager” anagrams to “A German”.

Manager’s shirt size: XL.

Give a manager a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a manager to fish and… he’ll say fishing is his subordinates’ task.

Work-from-home every day keeps the manager away.

My work is to write jokes on Facebook. Haven’t done any work for 24 hrs. I am already starting to feel like a manager.

[In-flight entertainment]
For 6 hrs, I watched few movies.
For 6 hrs, person in the next seat kept watching flight path map, distance travelled, distance to go, and whether on schedule or not etc.

I think he is a manager.

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Top 17 wordplay jokes in 2014

Sachin set to mentor next gen cricketers.
So, what’s the diff. b/w his present and past profession?
Present: Mentor batsmen.
Past: Torment bowlers.

Kamasutra 3D director to direct film on Modi. The theme will be the same.
Modi as chaiwala, party member, CM etc. Yes Yes. Different positions.

Satya Nadella returns to Twitter after 4 years. I suppose his LAST tweet, before 4 years, apparently must be “CEO later”.

Sachin must’ve become a Numerologist. Why? Here –
10dulkar. ‪#‎ten‬
5ali. ‪#‎anju‬
6jun. ‪#‎aaru‬
100ra. ‪#‎sau‬

Salman Khan calls AR Rahman ‘average’ !!!!!!!!!
Dei Salman Khan, you are so ‘mean’.

MK Alagiri meets Manmohan Singh. Well, he couldn’t keep dad on his side.
So, now, he is going to learn from Manmohan, how to keep mum.

Yuvi’s house pelted with stones! Dei fellows, do the reverse da.
If the house doesn’t perform well, pelt stones at its members.
‪#‎LokSabha‬ ‪#‎RajyaSabha‬

Whenever Modi talks, he begins with ‘PALS’ (Mitron).
In Kejriwal’s case, it’s the reverse. It begins with ‘SLAP’. Then he talks.

Iconic wrestler ‘The Ultimate Warrior’ dies at 54. Dying at 54 is ironic.
Because 54 in Roman is LIV.

Rafael Nadal must’ve been a dyslexic child who once learnt the sentence ‘I am clay potter’ as ‘I am clay topper’.

NASA Astronaut reveals space has a smell.
What do you call this discovery? A typical NASA stuff? Or NASA-L stuff.

British PM invites Aishwarya Bachchan to London. I think he’s planning to invite few more Aishwarya’s. So that he can say England got the ‘Ash-es’

Muralitharan joins Australia coaching staff as consultant. If he really wants to feel home, he should go for a name change. Murray-Lee-Darren.

Google to shut down Orkut in September.
Google is doing the reverse of what we did those days.
What we did? Orkut Scraps. And Google? Scraps Orkut.

Ban cell phones in schools to stop rapes, says Karnataka House panel.
Dei! Rather than taking away cell from victims, give cell to rapists, no!

Microsoft is expected to announce job cuts this week. The people who lose their jobs will tweet from their home, “I badly MS Office”.

Jokes written for celebrities’ birthday in 2014

Today is Rahul Dravid’s birthday.
Born on a perfect day that resembles his ability of rotating strike. 11-1.

Aamir Khan is an opportunist. I think he chose to be born on this day so that everybody would say “I love you”. 14th March. 1-4-3.

Both Modi and Rajinikanth are of the same age.
Modi is 63 years old. And Rajinikanth is 63 years young.

Happy birthday Ashish Nehra. Be happy. Always keep smiling. Oh wait… nooo…

Update from Dhoni’s b’day party:
None of the guests could have tea or coffee. Dhoni took all the cups.

Happy birthday Katrina Kaif. It wouldn’t really matter even if I said “Sad b’day” or “Angry b’day”. For you, every expression is same.

My bestest favorite Alfred Hitchcock’s birthday today.
Had he been alive, I would have given Alfred Hitchcock presents. Since he’s not, watching “Alfred Hitchcock Presents”.

Chennai turns 375 today.
Hey Chennai. Even at this old age, you are too hot.

Today is captain Vijayakanth’s birthday. Hope he has bought new dresses.
Quarter boxer. Half trouser. Full pant.

Today is L.K. Advani’s birthday. I hope he will arrange a big party, a lot of people will join, and finally, Modi will cut the cake.

For Mulayam Singh’s b’day, a 75-foot-long cake has been imported. Whoa!
Seems someone has taken seriously the cliche “Politicians have a big mouth”.

India have scored 444 in the 1st innings.
Looks like a dedication to Super Star Rajinikanth on his birthday.
Today, Thalaivar is 64 (4*4*4).

Yesterday – Birthday of the first citizen of India.
Today – Birthday of the first citizen of Universe. #Rajinikanth

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