Tag Archives: apple kernels

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – February 7, 2018

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. The word of the day was ‘Zealot’ meaning fanatic about something. e.g. Zealot speaker = someone who is fanatic about speaking.

2. Emcee was late to the meeting.

3. One of the table topics speakers was talking about experiment about getting back things from space to earth.

4. Free food was available during the break.

5. Floris said that the best way to talk is Face to Face. He asked to avoid socialmedia chats.

6. One of the table topics was “What kind of car do you like?”

7. Herman’s speech was “You are what you eat”. He said that apricot kernels are poisonous. He suggested cooking with coconut oil as an alternative to butter.

8. Mike gave a demo on using our TM Club website. The speech went over time – 36 mins in total. In the first page of our website he showed pics of the board members and in the second page he showed a group pic of all club members wearing masks.

9. Mike finished his speech by showing a slide having an angry kid pic with caption “Any questions?”

10. Two speakers mentioned that I have grown fluffy beard. It became sort of like running gag.

The Humor Monologue
1. Dear Toastmasters, guests, and free-food zealots.
(Using the word of the day and rule of three.)

2. Sorry that the emcee was late tonight. We had a hard time bringing her back from space.
(First line got good laughter – i.e. I am asking sorry for her being late. It was like deprecating the emcee. It triggers the superiority theory in the audience. The topper paints a funny picture.)

3. I am always free. Because you are what you eat. I eat FREE food.
(Self deprecation. Wordplay)

4. Floris said that the best way to talk is Face to Face. But I prefer Facebook to Facebook.

5. What kind of car do I like? The one that has no kids in the backseat… and wife in the next seat.
(Universal humor. i.e. it’s hard to manage the kids in the backseat. The topper is again universal humor. i.e. disturbing-wife when you’re driving)

6. Don’t eat anything that’s poisonous. I don’t eat anything that my wife cooks. I tell her, “Better give me apricot kernels.”
(One of the best lines of the monologue. My usual wife roast joke. The topper got more laughter. Apricot Kernel itself is funny-sounding.)

7. Obviously cooking with crude oil gives fluffy beard. Good that my wife is not here.
(Another best line. Used the listing technique. The speaker suggested coconut oil for cooking. I listed all possible things in oil and came up with an absurd thing that is funny to use for cooking. I chose crude. Crude is also funny-sounding. The topper got the best laughter of the evening. Two reasons:
1. Implicit punchline.
2. It paints a funny picture – my wife with beard.)

8. Mike showed on our TM website in the first page the beautiful board members. In the second page, ugly club members. That’s why we were wearing masks.
(Self-deprecation. Here self = club. Technique = giving a new definition. I was thinking why we could be wearing a mask? I came up with the self-deprecating punchline ‘ugly’.)

9. Mike’s speech on using our TM Club website was too long. He could’ve shorten it by showing us first how to log out.
(Snarky remark. Absurdity – if he had logged out, it would’ve shorten the time, but there would’ve been no demo at all.)

10. Any questions? Better ask Mike.
(Callback to Mike using an angry kid pic for closing questions)

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