Tag Archives: Barrack Obama

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – July 26, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Bogdan gave a speech about “How to end a speech”. He said there are some speeches famous for their first sentence, like Martin Luther King’s speech that starts with “I have a dream” and some speeches that are famous for the last sentence. From the same speech “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty. We’re free at last!”

2. Bogdan also quoted few lines from Obama’s farewell speech “I am asking you to believe. I am asking you to hold fast to that faith. I am asking you to…”

3. The guests said that they liked the meeting because the speeches were evaluated, the table topics were evaluated, and even the evaluators were evaluated.

4. Erin gave a speech about fear. She said she had fear up high (fear of height). “Fear up high” sounded like “Fear of pie”. Only from the context of the speech, we understood she meant fear up high.

5. Shaoxiong did the project “How to say it”. He talked about Chinese people. He said they work for 10 to 12 hrs a day and even in the weekends. He said there are 800,000 single women in China. He is single too. He said he would like to get married to one of them.

6. Bogdan gave 5 ways to end a speech. He abbreviated those 5 ways to P.O.W.E.R.

The Humor Monologue
1. I have a joke.
(Good opening, mimicking Martin Luther King’s I have a dream speech. Some people immediately recognized it. Some didn’t)

2. I’m asking you to laugh. I’m asking you to clap. I’m asking you to give me a standing ovation. PLEASE…
(Continuing on the same theme. Mimicking Obama’s speech, and being silly – asking the audience to laugh at my jokes. This line didn’t get much response.)

3. Yes, you can.
(Another Obama line)

4. “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty! Free at last!” No no, I’m not quoting Martin Luther King. These are the words we Indians say when we get something for free.
(Wordplay on the word ‘free’. Self deprecation (on our country). Paraprodoskian. Very good response.)

5. We’ve evaluated everyone. Now I’m going to evaluate the guests.
(Absurdity. Exaggeration. At TM meetings, we only evaluate the TMs’speeches. But exaggerated a bit and said I was going to evaluate the guests since they were the only ones unevaluated.)

6. I have fear of… wife.
(My usual wife-roast jokes)

7. I have fear of being up high too. But I’d rather be up high than being down low with my wife.
(Continuing on the wife joke. Exaggeration.)

8. Erin said she has fear up high. It sounded like “Fear of pi”. I thought maybe she had a hard time remembering PI = 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971.
(Wordplay. Observation – since everyone thought she meant pi. Exaggeration – kept adding more digits after the decimal. Best line of the monologue.)

9. Chinese people work for 10 to 12 hrs a day and even in the weekends. Just imagine how big the Chinese population will be if they start spending more time at home.
(Linking China is the most populous country to their work schedule. Another best line.)

10. Shaoxiong, your project was “How to say it?”. The answer is “I love you. And I want to marry you.”
(Linking his project title with his speech content)

11. In some speeches, the first sentence is remembered. In some speeches, the last sentence is remembered. That’s why, to be on the safer side, I always keep all my speeches to JUST ONE SENTENCE.
(Absurdity. Being silly – keeping just one sentence in the speech so that my speech will be remembered always.)

12. Let the P.O.W.E.R be with you.
(Closed my speech with P.O.W.E.R since those were the 5 techniques that Bogdan shared to close a speech. Good closer)

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Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – January 25, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. The theme of the meeting was “Think and act responsibly”.

2. Grammarian said that Justina wrongly pronounced the word ‘beloved’ as ‘be-loved’ instead of ‘belo-ved’.

3. Rohit, a member, attended our meeting after 2 years.

4. Mike manages our club’s mailbox. He said that he is a responsible person and checks emails every day to see if any there’s any email from guests who are interested in attending our meetings. He said that he would get disappointed if there was no email from any guest.

5. The bartender (from the bar next door) usually knocks our meeting door and says “I’m leaving”.

6. Mike told a story where a wolf eats grand ma and then dresses up like grand ma to deceive the grand daughter and eat her too. The wolf would ask the grand daughter to take off her clothes and come to bed. Then the little girl would become suspicious, throw her dresses on fire and run away from the house.

7. Rohit said that he was very comfortable 20 yrs ago where he would get pepsi, coke delivered to his home for free.

8. One of the table topics speaker said that her grandfather was the only doctor in his village. Even when he had cancer, he would be responsible and visit every patient’s home.

9. The emcee printed lots of things. He printed evaluation sheet for each speaker, each evaluator, and table-topics speaker and distributed to everyone. We had to fill in a lot.

10. The timer forgot to signal the lights green, orange, red. The light was never switch on for any speaker.

11. One of the table topics was “Who’s your teacher for responsibility?”

The Humor Monologue
1. Dear Toastmasters, guests, and especially our be-loved Justina.
(Simple callback. Rule of three. Good opening line.)

2. Today we did more writing than speaking.
(Truth. Writing a lot in a speaking club is irony.)

3. Shashi (the emcee), think and act responsibly. Save paper and save trees.
(Irony. He chose the theme “Think and act responsible” but he wasn’t acting responsible to the environment.)

4. Rohit was responsible. He saved 50 papers by not attending 50 meetings. Now he has again become responsible. Rohit, GO AWAY!
(Silly logic. Sarcasm.)

5. We have a responsible timer. By not switching on the lights, she saved energy.
(Again sarcasm.)

6. I talk with Mike every morning. The hardest part is I have to create fake email accounts.
(Implied punchline. That to make Mike not get disappointed, I created fake email accounts and send him an email as a guest.)

7. One day, I emailed him, “I HAD work, but not any more. Can I visit your club? By the way, I’m Barrack Obama.” THEN he became suspicious.
(Linking “becoming suspicious” from the story to this.)

8. What a responsible bartender. Every time he knocks the door and says, “I’m leaving”.
(Truth. The audience could relate to that.)

9. On days when he doesn’t knock, I become suspicious. I throw my clothes in fire and start running away.
(Paints a funny picture.)

10. I’m very comfortable at home. Because of free coke delivery. Yes I know lots of drug dealers.
(Play on the word ‘coke’)

11. My grandfather was the only doctor in my village. At least, he was the only one with a fake doctor degree.
(Self-deprecation. i.e. deprecating my own family.)

12. My grandfather is my teacher for responsibility. I have a fake engineer’s degree.
(Self deprecation)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – August 10, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue which was presented at the end of a Toastmasters meeting. First you’ll be able to read the set-up for each joke. Then I’ll share the joke. Next I’ll briefly comment on what made the joke work. Although the examples of Observational Humor are in the context of a Toastmasters meeting, the skills apply just the same to any meeting you might be attending. It’s a useful skill to develop. When you can drop in an observational line into any presentation it makes the content of your whole talk feel fresh and original.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented)
1. Alex’s speech was about the theory about boredom. During his speech, he stated the dictionary definition of ‘boredom’.

2. Alex told that in an experiment, a lot of people were locked in a room alone (to test their boredom). They were provided with some music to listen to, a picture to look at, and some device to electrocute themselves. A lot of them chose to electrocute themselves. One guy electrocuted himself 190 times.

3. The emcee told that many people would be coming late to the meeting. She said, “If someone knocks the door, that’s not a burglar”.

4. One speaker said that the most embarrassing thing happened to her was she saw a poster saying “SHOW YOUR TIT” at a party. Winslow said the most embarrassing thing in his life was when he was 10 and swimming, his friends took away his swim trunk and he had to come out of water naked (aka) birthday suit.

5. A table topic was “Can you survive in a party where you don’t know anyone?” Shane talked on that topic. He said that at his birthday party, 50 people showed up and a lot of them were strangers, but he talked with everyone.

6. Winslow said that one time he had no money, and he had to sell his shirt and tie that he was wearing to a random guy on road for 10$ to pay the taxi.

7. One of the guests said that he is interested in Obama and that’s why he joined Toastmasters.

8. Winslow said that Donald Trump does anything to get people’s attention. He even doesn’t shy away from talking about genitalia in his speeches.

9. One of the guests said that she is going to give a speech to 600 people next week.

The Humor Monologue
1. Alex talked about the theory of boredom. I’m here for the practicals.
(Self deprecation. Good opening line.)

2. If you hear someone knocking the door NOW, that must be a burglar.
(Truth. I delivered a monologue at the end of the meeting. I asked myself the question, “What if someone knocks the door now?” and came up with the reverse of what the emcee said.)

3. The most embarrassing moment in my life was when I came here (the stage) to give my first speech. I didn’t open my mouth… and the audience shouted “SHOW YOUR TEETH”.
(Wordplay. Rhymes with “Show your Tit”.)

4. I can survive a party where I don’t know anyone. But I CAN’T SURVIVE a party where I know everyone… My family gathering.
(Truth. Family gatherings are boring.)

5. Alex you are wrong. I electrocuted myself 196 times, not 190 times. I think when I electrocuted myself the 190th time, you got bored and stopped watching me.
(Drop into someone’s story.)

6. Shane was lying. At his birthday party, he didn’t talk to me… and my 49 cousins.
(Self deprecation that my cousins and I enter some random party for free food.)

7. Good thing was that Shane wasn’t on birthday suit.
(Callback to “birthday suit” at right place.)

8. The guy didn’t exactly ask for Winshlow’s shirt and tie. His exact words were, “Show your tit.”
(Absurd. Call back to the catch phrase. Best line of the monologue.)

9. Boredom is the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest. This definition itself is boring.
(Kind of irony)

10. When the people were put alone in the room, they had 3 coices – listen to music (or) look at a picture (or) electrocute themselves. Most of them electrocuted themselves because it was Justin Bieber music and Donald Trump’s picture.
(Why? I asked myself why they did electrocute themselves, and came up with this idea. Since Justin Bieber’s music AND Donald Trump’s hair are ridiculed.)

11. If you’re interested in Obama, you join Toastmasters. If you’re interested in Trump, you have to join Psychiatric Hospital.
(Unexpected punchline. These 2 lines follow the same pattern, but ending with the unexpected place as punchline.)

12. “Pen is mightier than sword.” Trump used this as his campaign slogan… with a minor difference – “Penis mightier than sword.”
(Wordplay. Callback to Trump’s genitalia reference.)

13. Jasmin, you’re going to give a speech to 600 people? I have a tip. Give the speech 600 times… to each one of them.. alone in a room.
(Absurd. Call back to being alone in a room.)

14. If you excuse me, I’m going to electrocute all of you.
(Self deprecation. Reverse. Instead of electrocuting themselves, I electrocute each of them implying that they got bored listening to my monologue. Good closer.)

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