Tag Archives: comedy

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – July 22, 2015

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. Word of the day was ‘Unexpected’.

2. Tobias, the president of our club, arrived 5 minutes late. He announced that from next week, one of the four entrances to the campus where we meet will be closed and we have to use the other car entrance.

3. The host introduced Chris as ‘lovely’ Chris.

4. Chris talked on a table topic, “What’s the most embarrassing moment of someone that you enjoyed a lot” for which he said that he’s not a person who laughs at others’ misfortunes.

5. Tobias asked all of us to upload our pics to our Toastmasters website so that when some of our friends (who are not toastmasters) visit the website, they will see a familiar face and be willing to join the club.

6. Bogdan said that at the top of Mt. Everest, only 30% oxygen is available. The amount of oxygen decreases as you go up.

7. Bogdan delivered a speech where he acted like a president of a company and he had to announce to everyone about the crisis his company is in. He said that he’s not going to fire his employees, but cut their salary by 10%.

8. One of the table topics was, “How do you react when someone tags you on pics on Facebook.” for which Floris said that just delete your Facebook account.

9. The host described the table-topics as starter, prepared speeches as main course, and the evaluations as dessert.

The Humor Monologue

[The host introduced me as the Observational Humor Master and invited me to the stage]
1. Oooh. That’s unexpected. I didn’t expect to be the Observational Humor Master.

2. I’m not prepared. I don’t have even one joke to say. I’m sure all of you are going to laugh at me… except ‘lovely’ Chris.

3.  The starter is over. The main course is over. The dessert in over. Now comes my speech… the napkin.

4. The president arrived late because he went to all 4 entrances to check whether they’re open.

5. Our company is in crisis. To increase the revenue, we’re not going to fire you; we’re not going to cut your salary; we’re just going to delete your Facebook accounts.

6. I posted my picture on EasySpeak (Toastmasters website). Some of my friends visited the website, recognized me, and said, “Hey, that’s Bala. We should definitely NOT join that club.”

7. Now I know why companies can’t fire employees when they are at the top, but fire when they’re down. Because to fire *anything* you need oxygen.

8. I wish you all a lovely evening.

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Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – May 27, 2015

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. In the agenda, after every speaker, there was an agenda item named “Quiet evaluation of speech” during which the audience have to write down some feedback for the speaker. Floris, the host, forgot this and invited the 2nd speaker as soon as the 1st speaker finished. Later he remembered this for the 2nd 3rd and 4th speakers and asked the audience to write down feedback.

2. Philip, a guest, visited our club after 2 years. He said he is moving to China soon, so he can’t come anymore to our club. Floris said there are Toastmasters club in China too and he can join one. Philip wondered, “Oh, China has too?!”

3. Winslow is the new VP of Public Relation. He said that his goal is to bring 100 guests to our meetings over the next year.

4. Floris, the host, announced during the break that everyone gets a complementary drink.

5. Winslow said that when he was young, he needed glasses. To read clearly.

6. One of the table-topics was “Why shouldn’t you go to gym?”

7. Word of the day at the last meeting was “Progress”. It was written in a moving board which was kept at the back of the room. We weren’t using that board at today’s meeting. We used another one which was closer to us.

8. Justina evaluated my speech and she mentioned there was no structure in it.

The Humor Monologue

1. Floris, after the 2nd 3rd and 4th speakers, did the right thing. i.e. “quite evaluation of speech”. But after the 1st speaker, he “quit evaluation of speech”.

2. Philip, good to see you after 2 years. Hope to see you again… in 2 years.

3. Winslow, I have a tip for you to have many guests. Publish that we offer one complementary drink. We’ll have 1000 Indians… every meeting.

4. When I was young, I needed glasses [shows the audience a beer bottle]

5. My speech has no structure. To get some structure, it’s time I sent my speech to a gym.

6. Toastmasters are everywhere. They are even in China. No word yet from the toastmasters in Bermuda triangle.

7. It’s time this board [points to the board in the back of the room where “progress” is written] made some progress and moved forward.

Boss Jokes/ Manager Jokes

Of course, everyone in this world hates his/her manager. So, this post is for all of you. Enjoy the jokes.

Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Because changing a light bulb is technical work.

Managers are God. Yes. Managers are God.
Like, you do all the hard work and God gets the credit.

Managers wouldn’t understand my jokes on them. Why?
Because my jokes are not in MS Excel format.

Q: What do you call a manager who listens to your problems?
A: Manager at gunpoint.

There is a saying that the Germans have no sense of humor.
No wonder “Manager” anagrams to “A German”.

Manager’s shirt size: XL.

Give a manager a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a manager to fish and… he’ll say fishing is his subordinates’ task.

Work-from-home every day keeps the manager away.

My work is to write jokes on Facebook. Haven’t done any work for 24 hrs. I am already starting to feel like a manager.

[In-flight entertainment]
For 6 hrs, I watched few movies.
For 6 hrs, person in the next seat kept watching flight path map, distance travelled, distance to go, and whether on schedule or not etc.

I think he is a manager.

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