Tag Archives: Donald Trump

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – June 14, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. The word of the day was ‘Nevertheless’. Many speakers combined two sentences with the word ‘Nevertheless’. It became a running gag.

2. Today is the birthday of Donald Trump.

3. The table topics were about minions. I got a topic – what if the minion is your imaginary friend? I said that it would do tasks like, fixing me drinks, ironing my clothes, and keep my wife away.

4. Another table-topics speaker called the minion Mr.Banana since it likes bananas.

5. Floris gave a technical speech. He called himself an entrepreneur. He explained models like Waterflow model, Scrum model, Kanban model etc.

6. Many speakers went way over time.

7. Tom asked us to get out of comfort zone. He said he got out of his physical comfort zone – he started wearing different types of clothes.

8. Tom said that to get out of comfort zone he would watch the most horrible, dark, disgusting moveis.

9. Linda, a guest, came to the meeting with her father. She said she came to Toastmaster because she wants to speak well.

10. Karen, another guest, said that she came to Toastmasters because she wants to be able to use the right word for the right occasion.

11. The tabletopics master quoted someone, “Do not do something to someone which would anger you if they did it to you.”

12. When the emcee invited me to the stage for the observational humor part, Floris interrupted, raised his hands, and wanted to ask the emcee something.

The Humor Monologue
1. Floris, let the Toastmaster complete what she wanted to say. She wanted to say “Hand over the floor”, not “Hand, over the shoulders”.
(It was a spontaneous line. Since Floris interrupted by raising his hands, this line came spontaneously to me. Good opener. Keep your ears and eyes open until you start speaking. Even at the last minute, you might get lines for your monologue. The more spontaneous it is, the more laughter you’ll get)

2. Today, I’ve gotten out of my physical comfort zone. I’m wearing clothes.
(Break the audience expectation. They were expecting I was wearing different kind of clothes.)

3. Today is the birthday of Donald Trump. Like Floris, he calls himself an entrepreneur.
(Find something similar to someone said.)

4. We saw that Floris is interested in models (Waterfall, Scrum, Kanban etc). Trump is interested in the same. Models.
(Word play. Good laughter.)

5. My imaginary friend Minion likes bananas. A banana a day will keep my wife away.
(Twist a cliche. Good laughter)

6. The most horrible, dark, disgusting movie is inspired by my married life.
(Self deprecation)

7. Push your boundaries… but not the boundaries on your speech time limit. Nevertheless, it’s not a contest.
(Observation – all speakers going way over time, and linking it with the theme. Topper – running gag on the word of the day. Best line of the monologue.)

8. I always do something to someone which would not anger me when they do the same to me. Last week, on the street, I kissed a random pretty girl.
(Unexpected punchline)

9. Linda, you want to speak well. It explains why you have come with your dad. Because you don’t want to keep mum.
(Wordplay)

10. Karen, you want to use the right words for right occasions. Take a cue from the birthday boy Trump, who uses 3 words for all occasions – Terrific, Tremendous, Loser.
(Good closer. Another best line of the monologue. The word ‘Loser’ got more laughter)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – February 15, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. One speaker said, “Store energy in summer and use in winter.”

2. Justina, our club president, gave an educational session on evaluation. She asked us to evaluate the speech and not the person, and not to keep telling the same negative point again and again, and to give some encouragement. She left before the meeting was over.

3. All table topics were about ship wreck. For one tabletopic, 3 people were called, they were assigned nurse, chef, soldier roles. The question was only one of them can survive and why it should be them.

4. Shripad gave icebreaker speech. He said he’s Leonardo Da Vinci. He said we would know why that is so as the speech progresses. Later we found out that he’s interested in art and science. His daughter inherited the art trait and his son, the science trait he said.

5. Shripad also talked about his profession. He was a technical guy, then later on he got the opportunity to become a project manager. He got good visibility as project manager but then he didn’t like the job. At that time he watched a Bollywood movie named “3 idiots” whose theme is – If you follow your passion, success will follow you. So, he quit his job as project manager and again became a technical guy.

6. One speaker asked us to meditate and said it’s good.

The Humor Monologue
1. I am Bill Gates. You’ll know why as my speech progresses.
(Not a joke. But a buildup and will keep the tension going until the end.)

2. The ship in which I sailed wrecked. The good news is that my wife deserted in a different island.
(I usually make wife jokes. And this one perfectly fit the place. Very good laughter.)

3. The bad news is that someone rescued me and took me to my wife.
(Continuation of the bad, good. Okish joke)

4. Moreover I wrote on the island in big font – DONT HELP.
(Visual joke. I first wrote HELP on the white board. Then I added DONT in front. That maximized the laughter. If I had written DONT first, it wouldn’t have had the same effect. Very huge laughter.)

5. If some one wrecks, it would be “Long time no see.” Or “Long time, sea”.
(Word play. I had to write it on the whiteboard for this joke to work.)

6. I want to evaluate Justina’s speech. She’s short. She is Lithuanian. She has a bad voice. A dying person will have a better voice. Donald Trump has a much better voice. She doesn’t have the courage to listen to my evaluation. She left.
(Do something that someone asks you not to do. Justina asked us to evaluate the speech and not the person. Also she asked us not to repeat a negative point.)

7. Some encouragement to justina. She didn’t use much makeup today.
(Looks like encouragement. But still sarcasm.)

8. Okay. Enough evaluating Justina’s speech.
(Huge laughter. I was not actually evaluating her speech. But saying that I was evaluating her speech is funny.)

9. Nurse, soldier, chef – 3 idiots.
(Linking 3 idiots movie to the 3 roles.)

10. I store all my jokes in summer and use them in winter.
(Adapting energy saving to Observational Humor Monologue theme.)

11. My traits will run in my family. My daughter will become a procrastinator. And my son will become a thief.
(Self deprecation.)

12. Being a thief is much better than being a project manager.
(Exaggeration. Best line of the monologue.)

13. I told my son, “Hey son, if you follow your passion, I don’t know if success will follow you or not. But definitely the police will.”
(Another very good line. Unexpected punchline.)

14. Meditation is good. You all should meditate. That will make my son’s job easier.
(Rule of three. First 2 were about good things about meditation. The third one is also a good thing – but a good thing for me.)

15. I simply steal people’s money through Windows. Now you know why I am Bill Gates.
(Bookmark ending. The punchline was revealed after 13 lines.)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – January 25, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. The theme of the meeting was “Think and act responsibly”.

2. Grammarian said that Justina wrongly pronounced the word ‘beloved’ as ‘be-loved’ instead of ‘belo-ved’.

3. Rohit, a member, attended our meeting after 2 years.

4. Mike manages our club’s mailbox. He said that he is a responsible person and checks emails every day to see if any there’s any email from guests who are interested in attending our meetings. He said that he would get disappointed if there was no email from any guest.

5. The bartender (from the bar next door) usually knocks our meeting door and says “I’m leaving”.

6. Mike told a story where a wolf eats grand ma and then dresses up like grand ma to deceive the grand daughter and eat her too. The wolf would ask the grand daughter to take off her clothes and come to bed. Then the little girl would become suspicious, throw her dresses on fire and run away from the house.

7. Rohit said that he was very comfortable 20 yrs ago where he would get pepsi, coke delivered to his home for free.

8. One of the table topics speaker said that her grandfather was the only doctor in his village. Even when he had cancer, he would be responsible and visit every patient’s home.

9. The emcee printed lots of things. He printed evaluation sheet for each speaker, each evaluator, and table-topics speaker and distributed to everyone. We had to fill in a lot.

10. The timer forgot to signal the lights green, orange, red. The light was never switch on for any speaker.

11. One of the table topics was “Who’s your teacher for responsibility?”

The Humor Monologue
1. Dear Toastmasters, guests, and especially our be-loved Justina.
(Simple callback. Rule of three. Good opening line.)

2. Today we did more writing than speaking.
(Truth. Writing a lot in a speaking club is irony.)

3. Shashi (the emcee), think and act responsibly. Save paper and save trees.
(Irony. He chose the theme “Think and act responsible” but he wasn’t acting responsible to the environment.)

4. Rohit was responsible. He saved 50 papers by not attending 50 meetings. Now he has again become responsible. Rohit, GO AWAY!
(Silly logic. Sarcasm.)

5. We have a responsible timer. By not switching on the lights, she saved energy.
(Again sarcasm.)

6. I talk with Mike every morning. The hardest part is I have to create fake email accounts.
(Implied punchline. That to make Mike not get disappointed, I created fake email accounts and send him an email as a guest.)

7. One day, I emailed him, “I HAD work, but not any more. Can I visit your club? By the way, I’m Barrack Obama.” THEN he became suspicious.
(Linking “becoming suspicious” from the story to this.)

8. What a responsible bartender. Every time he knocks the door and says, “I’m leaving”.
(Truth. The audience could relate to that.)

9. On days when he doesn’t knock, I become suspicious. I throw my clothes in fire and start running away.
(Paints a funny picture.)

10. I’m very comfortable at home. Because of free coke delivery. Yes I know lots of drug dealers.
(Play on the word ‘coke’)

11. My grandfather was the only doctor in my village. At least, he was the only one with a fake doctor degree.
(Self-deprecation. i.e. deprecating my own family.)

12. My grandfather is my teacher for responsibility. I have a fake engineer’s degree.
(Self deprecation)

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