Tag Archives: funny

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – May 3, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. We had a guest named Amole. He said that he likes to pronounce people’s names correctly.

2. Floris talked on a table topic about coffee. He said that everyone drinks coffee at his office and coffee runs his office.

3. Word of the day was ‘Discombobulated’. Tom said that it’s his favorite word.

4. Many speakers dropped out in the last minute.

5. Amole nodded his head for something a speaker said. The speaker asked him whether he was hearing or nodding.

6. Shane gave a speech about his hobby. His hobby is programming. He said that he was going to show something which he does in a dark room, which was his hobby.

7. Tom talked on a table topic about clowns. He said that you don’t know what’s behind a clown; they may be man eaters.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening Toastmasters, guests, and especially Amelia. My hobby is pronouncing people’s names correctly.
(Rule of three. It’s ironic to mispronounce someone’s name who is interested in pronouncing other’s names correctly)

2. Who’s the CEO of Floris’ office? It’s coffee. Coffee runs his office.
(Derive another meaning from a sentence)

3. Today, many speakers dropped out. We wanted to fill in time. That’s why Tom chose the word ‘Discombobulated’. Every time a speaker say the word of the day, booom, 3 minutes gone.
(Exaggerating the observation that it’s a long word)

4. Discombobulated. It has all 5 vowels. And just one short of 21 consonants.
(It has all 5 vowels – observation. Followed by a topper – exaggeration. The topper got more laughter.)

5. Discombobulated – such a long word and it’s Tom’s favorite word. The shortest word is my favorite word and favorite person. That’s “I”.
(Unexpected twist. Self praising is funny.)

6. Amole, you shook your head now. I am sure that you are neither hearing nor nodding. You’re sleeping. My speech made you sleep.
(Self deprecation. If a person shakes his head, what can it be? Sleeping could be a punchline.)

7. I was shocked when Shane said, “I want to show you something which I do in the dark.”
(Best line of the monologue. Huge laughter.)

8. Moreover his speech title was “My hubby”.
(Word play. Twisting his title “My hobby”. Another best line of the monologue.)

9. My wife learnt programming. She programmed me to do the dishes, clean the toilet, cook the curry.
(Self deprecation)

10. It’s already 8:30. I’m hungry. Let me remind you that I’m a clown.
(Implied punchline that I’ll eat one of them. Good closer.)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – January 25, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. The theme of the meeting was “Think and act responsibly”.

2. Grammarian said that Justina wrongly pronounced the word ‘beloved’ as ‘be-loved’ instead of ‘belo-ved’.

3. Rohit, a member, attended our meeting after 2 years.

4. Mike manages our club’s mailbox. He said that he is a responsible person and checks emails every day to see if any there’s any email from guests who are interested in attending our meetings. He said that he would get disappointed if there was no email from any guest.

5. The bartender (from the bar next door) usually knocks our meeting door and says “I’m leaving”.

6. Mike told a story where a wolf eats grand ma and then dresses up like grand ma to deceive the grand daughter and eat her too. The wolf would ask the grand daughter to take off her clothes and come to bed. Then the little girl would become suspicious, throw her dresses on fire and run away from the house.

7. Rohit said that he was very comfortable 20 yrs ago where he would get pepsi, coke delivered to his home for free.

8. One of the table topics speaker said that her grandfather was the only doctor in his village. Even when he had cancer, he would be responsible and visit every patient’s home.

9. The emcee printed lots of things. He printed evaluation sheet for each speaker, each evaluator, and table-topics speaker and distributed to everyone. We had to fill in a lot.

10. The timer forgot to signal the lights green, orange, red. The light was never switch on for any speaker.

11. One of the table topics was “Who’s your teacher for responsibility?”

The Humor Monologue
1. Dear Toastmasters, guests, and especially our be-loved Justina.
(Simple callback. Rule of three. Good opening line.)

2. Today we did more writing than speaking.
(Truth. Writing a lot in a speaking club is irony.)

3. Shashi (the emcee), think and act responsibly. Save paper and save trees.
(Irony. He chose the theme “Think and act responsible” but he wasn’t acting responsible to the environment.)

4. Rohit was responsible. He saved 50 papers by not attending 50 meetings. Now he has again become responsible. Rohit, GO AWAY!
(Silly logic. Sarcasm.)

5. We have a responsible timer. By not switching on the lights, she saved energy.
(Again sarcasm.)

6. I talk with Mike every morning. The hardest part is I have to create fake email accounts.
(Implied punchline. That to make Mike not get disappointed, I created fake email accounts and send him an email as a guest.)

7. One day, I emailed him, “I HAD work, but not any more. Can I visit your club? By the way, I’m Barrack Obama.” THEN he became suspicious.
(Linking “becoming suspicious” from the story to this.)

8. What a responsible bartender. Every time he knocks the door and says, “I’m leaving”.
(Truth. The audience could relate to that.)

9. On days when he doesn’t knock, I become suspicious. I throw my clothes in fire and start running away.
(Paints a funny picture.)

10. I’m very comfortable at home. Because of free coke delivery. Yes I know lots of drug dealers.
(Play on the word ‘coke’)

11. My grandfather was the only doctor in my village. At least, he was the only one with a fake doctor degree.
(Self-deprecation. i.e. deprecating my own family.)

12. My grandfather is my teacher for responsibility. I have a fake engineer’s degree.
(Self deprecation)

Be a star of Toastmasters contestant interviews

Contestant interview is one of the fun parts of a Toastmasters contest. Always try to be a star of contestant interviews. One of the ways to be a star is to add few observational humor lines to your answers. You can learn observational humor here. The other way is to be spontaneous and having presence of mind.

Last week, I participated in Division C of District 59 Humorous Speech Contest. One week before the contest, the contest master asked all the participants to fill in our profiles so that he could prepare questions for the interview. I filled in “Writing jokes” as my hobby. I should have prepared for the interview based on the info I gave in my profile. For example, possible questions on writing jokes as hobby could be

1. Who is your favorite comedian and why?
2. What is the secret to writing great jokes?
3. What is the best joke you’ve ever written?
4. What makes people laugh?

But I hadn’t prepared for the contestant interview. I planned to add few observational humor lines. And this is how my interview went

Contest Master: You’ve written in your profile that writing jokes is your hobby. So, tell us, Bala. What makes people laugh?
I: What makes people laugh?! [repeats his question and acts like thinking] [huge laughter from the audience]

(The reason why there was huge laughter for this line was that the audience were already warmed up after listening to 8 humorous speeches. Anything you say is going to get a laugh. And if your are repeating something someone says, it triggers the superiority theory. i.e. a person whose hobby is writing jokes, who is skilled at writing jokes, has to think a lot about answering the question “What makes people laugh?”)

I: Just repeat what someone says. [huge laughter again]

(I had my presence of mind there. For the first line I said, the audience laughed. And what made them laugh? A: Just repeating contest master’s question. So I stated the obvious. This was spontaneous and made it look like a clever answer. Stating the obvious is another formula for jokes.)

I: Here is one more. Get married. There’s plenty of material.

(This was observational humor. When I gave my humorous speech, I made a joke about my wife. So, I made a callback.)

My interview stopped there. But John Kinde suggested me a topper after the conference was over. That would have made a perfect closure. Here it is.

I: And have some kids.

(Universal humor – jokes about wife, kids, in-laws etc. Since I joked about wife, joking about kids would have made a great topper. I missed out on that chance.)

Always drop in few observational humor lines at contestant interviews. And have presence of mind. And be a star. And be a star. In other words, just repeat what someone says.

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