Tag Archives: humor monologue

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – September 6, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. The theme of the meeting was “Growing every day”.

2. We had 2 guests; both were interns.

3. Karin, the timer, walked all the way from back to the stage to explain her timer role.

4. Herman gave a speech about drawing and composition. He explained warm colors look great and look nearby. He arranged objects (in a picture) in different positions to explain harmony. He finished his speech 3 mins over red.

5. Mike said he went on a hiking camp. He didn’t climb the mountain for 2 days because he was afraid. But on the 3rd day, he did just because it was the last day of the camp.

6. The evaluator said that Shane had his hands inside his pocket while walking to the stage, which was not good.

7. We had too much snacks at the meeting – candies, cakes, biscuits circulating over and over.

8. The general evaluator called the names of every person, told the audience how long they have been member of and appreciated as to how much they’ve improved.

9. Before the president introduced me as the Obs Humor master, lots of TMs interrupted and started asking questions about the upcoming contest, TED meeting in our city, and the Gala we planned in December. I had to wait for at least 5 mins.

10. Jasmin gave a speech about conspiracy theories, like alligators in New York.

The Humor Monologue
1. [shakes hand with the president] Don’t go. I have a question too.
(Good opening. Very fresh humor. Continued from where the audience left, and exaggerating. i.e. I’m trying to interrupt my own speech.)

2. I know it’s rhyming, but every time our president called me Bala, Bala, Herman was asking about Gala, Gala.
(Again very fresh humor. Noticed the rhyming when Herman interrupted. Worked well.)

3. Growing every day. My weight, my debt, and uh mm, my filler words.
(Self deprecation. The first two [weight, debt] were self deprecation in general. And the last one was specific to Toastmasters. I added “uh mm” before it to exaggerate it even more.)

4. If you see green light, you’re doing well. If you see amber, still well. If you see red, Karin will walk all the way to the stage and drag you from here.
(Paints a funny picture. Call back to Karin walking all the way from back to the stage to explain her role.)

5. Herman finished when it was red, because he likes warm colors.
(Associating his speech content with his timing)

6. Like Mike, I didn’t climb the mountain for 2 days. Then finally, I climbed up on the third day, when my wife came down.
(Usual wife roast joke. The punchline is hidden until the end. Diverted the audience. The audience expected that on the 3rd day I got rid of my fear. But I deviated and used “fear of wife” as punchline.)

7. My wife and I like to stay far away from each other, because that way, we create the perfect harmony.
(Callback to Herman’s speech on composition and arranging objects far from each other to create harmony.)

8. One of the biggest conspiracy theory is “Happily married”. Have you ever seen one?
(Again marriage joke.)

9. Shane, kindly give back all the candies, cakes, biscuits you’ve stored in your trouser pockets.
(Associating Shane keeping his hands in his pockets with lots of snacks around the table.)

10. Shaoxiong is with the club for 6 months, improved a lot; Mike is here for 3 years, improved a lot; I’m here for 5 years, improved my skills… in finding my way to Toastmasters meeting hall. Hope next year I can find the place without a navigator.
(Self deprecation. Topper reveals that I still use navigator, which is even more self deprecation)

11. Shane, take your hands off your pockets, and clap for me.
(Callback to Shane keeping his hands in his pockets for a closer.)

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Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – August 23, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Many TMs were absent today. Their roles – ah counter, timer, grammarian, evaluators – were filled in by substitute TMs.

2. The ah counter said I repeated the word ‘I’ 3 times at one place, like I.. I.. I.

3. One of the table-topics was “What was your dream when you were a kid?” Franz talked. He said that when he was a kid, he was innocent like everyone here. He said that people’s dream change as life progresses.

4. Andrei gave a speech about having a life coach. He has one. He said that he would do Skype sessions with his coach. Every time he does one, his life coach would ask him to acknowledge all his victories since they last spoke. Andrei said at first it was difficult since he rarely had any victories, but later on it became easy.

5. Andrei shared Skype screenshots where he looked very happy.

6. Andrei quoted Michelangelo, “I am still learning.”

7. I told everyone that to become Dutch, I steal bicycles.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening dear I, I, and I.
(Twist to the cliche opening TME, TMs, and guests)

2. Most roles were substituted today. Piyush, a guest, substitutes another guest who couldn’t make it.
(Exaggeration. Absurdity that a guest substituting another guest. I could’ve added a bit of self deprecation by saying “I’m here as a substitute for a guest”.)

3. When I was a kid, I was innocent like everyone here, drinking alcohol, smoking joints.
(Paints a funny picture. Kid smoking weed)

4. Like Franz said, dreams change as life progresses. When I was a kid, I dreamed about small girls. When I was a teenager, I dreamed about teenage girls. Now I dream about women. Thank goodness, I’m still not dreaming about small girls.
(Pick something someone says seriously and adapt it to a regular pattern that occurs normally. Here what I did as a kid, teenager, and a man is common. If I did otherwise, it would be absurd. The topper is absurdity.)

5. I am a life coach. I spend all my life on couch.
(Self deprecation. Wordplay)

6. I want my wife to be my life coach. By that I mean “only Skype calls”.
(Praise first and then deviate. I first praised that I would want my wife to be my life coach. And then find some quality of being a life coach that would not suit my relationship with my wife. I found the “long distance calls” for punchline. First I praised, then I deviated saying that I would like only Skype calls with her.)

7. At next meeting, I will share our Skype screenshots. Sad faces.
(Self deprecation)

8. During the Skype call, I had to acknowledge my victories since the last time we spoke. At first, it was hard. Later on, it became easy… to say “No victories”.
(Break the audience expectation. When I said, “it became easy”, the audience assume that slowly I started achieving something so that I had at least something to share with my coach. I broke their expectation by saying “became easy… to say ‘No victories'”)

9. People who are by car, have a safe drive. People who are by bike, have a safe walk.
(Implied punchline that I’ll steal their bikes. Implied punchlines are great to add. When the audience figure themselves out the punchline, it will add a great effect)

10. I’m still learning.
(Closing by recalling Michelangelo quote.)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – July 26, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Bogdan gave a speech about “How to end a speech”. He said there are some speeches famous for their first sentence, like Martin Luther King’s speech that starts with “I have a dream” and some speeches that are famous for the last sentence. From the same speech “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty. We’re free at last!”

2. Bogdan also quoted few lines from Obama’s farewell speech “I am asking you to believe. I am asking you to hold fast to that faith. I am asking you to…”

3. The guests said that they liked the meeting because the speeches were evaluated, the table topics were evaluated, and even the evaluators were evaluated.

4. Erin gave a speech about fear. She said she had fear up high (fear of height). “Fear up high” sounded like “Fear of pie”. Only from the context of the speech, we understood she meant fear up high.

5. Shaoxiong did the project “How to say it”. He talked about Chinese people. He said they work for 10 to 12 hrs a day and even in the weekends. He said there are 800,000 single women in China. He is single too. He said he would like to get married to one of them.

6. Bogdan gave 5 ways to end a speech. He abbreviated those 5 ways to P.O.W.E.R.

The Humor Monologue
1. I have a joke.
(Good opening, mimicking Martin Luther King’s I have a dream speech. Some people immediately recognized it. Some didn’t)

2. I’m asking you to laugh. I’m asking you to clap. I’m asking you to give me a standing ovation. PLEASE…
(Continuing on the same theme. Mimicking Obama’s speech, and being silly – asking the audience to laugh at my jokes. This line didn’t get much response.)

3. Yes, you can.
(Another Obama line)

4. “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty! Free at last!” No no, I’m not quoting Martin Luther King. These are the words we Indians say when we get something for free.
(Wordplay on the word ‘free’. Self deprecation (on our country). Paraprodoskian. Very good response.)

5. We’ve evaluated everyone. Now I’m going to evaluate the guests.
(Absurdity. Exaggeration. At TM meetings, we only evaluate the TMs’speeches. But exaggerated a bit and said I was going to evaluate the guests since they were the only ones unevaluated.)

6. I have fear of… wife.
(My usual wife-roast jokes)

7. I have fear of being up high too. But I’d rather be up high than being down low with my wife.
(Continuing on the wife joke. Exaggeration.)

8. Erin said she has fear up high. It sounded like “Fear of pi”. I thought maybe she had a hard time remembering PI = 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971.
(Wordplay. Observation – since everyone thought she meant pi. Exaggeration – kept adding more digits after the decimal. Best line of the monologue.)

9. Chinese people work for 10 to 12 hrs a day and even in the weekends. Just imagine how big the Chinese population will be if they start spending more time at home.
(Linking China is the most populous country to their work schedule. Another best line.)

10. Shaoxiong, your project was “How to say it?”. The answer is “I love you. And I want to marry you.”
(Linking his project title with his speech content)

11. In some speeches, the first sentence is remembered. In some speeches, the last sentence is remembered. That’s why, to be on the safer side, I always keep all my speeches to JUST ONE SENTENCE.
(Absurdity. Being silly – keeping just one sentence in the speech so that my speech will be remembered always.)

12. Let the P.O.W.E.R be with you.
(Closed my speech with P.O.W.E.R since those were the 5 techniques that Bogdan shared to close a speech. Good closer)

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