Tag Archives: humor monologue

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – May 3, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. We had a guest named Amole. He said that he likes to pronounce people’s names correctly.

2. Floris talked on a table topic about coffee. He said that everyone drinks coffee at his office and coffee runs his office.

3. Word of the day was ‘Discombobulated’. Tom said that it’s his favorite word.

4. Many speakers dropped out in the last minute.

5. Amole nodded his head for something a speaker said. The speaker asked him whether he was hearing or nodding.

6. Shane gave a speech about his hobby. His hobby is programming. He said that he was going to show something which he does in a dark room, which was his hobby.

7. Tom talked on a table topic about clowns. He said that you don’t know what’s behind a clown; they may be man eaters.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening Toastmasters, guests, and especially Amelia. My hobby is pronouncing people’s names correctly.
(Rule of three. It’s ironic to mispronounce someone’s name who is interested in pronouncing other’s names correctly)

2. Who’s the CEO of Floris’ office? It’s coffee. Coffee runs his office.
(Derive another meaning from a sentence)

3. Today, many speakers dropped out. We wanted to fill in time. That’s why Tom chose the word ‘Discombobulated’. Every time a speaker say the word of the day, booom, 3 minutes gone.
(Exaggerating the observation that it’s a long word)

4. Discombobulated. It has all 5 vowels. And just one short of 21 consonants.
(It has all 5 vowels – observation. Followed by a topper – exaggeration. The topper got more laughter.)

5. Discombobulated – such a long word and it’s Tom’s favorite word. The shortest word is my favorite word and favorite person. That’s “I”.
(Unexpected twist. Self praising is funny.)

6. Amole, you shook your head now. I am sure that you are neither hearing nor nodding. You’re sleeping. My speech made you sleep.
(Self deprecation. If a person shakes his head, what can it be? Sleeping could be a punchline.)

7. I was shocked when Shane said, “I want to show you something which I do in the dark.”
(Best line of the monologue. Huge laughter.)

8. Moreover his speech title was “My hubby”.
(Word play. Twisting his title “My hobby”. Another best line of the monologue.)

9. My wife learnt programming. She programmed me to do the dishes, clean the toilet, cook the curry.
(Self deprecation)

10. It’s already 8:30. I’m hungry. Let me remind you that I’m a clown.
(Implied punchline that I’ll eat one of them. Good closer.)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – March 1, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Word of the day was “Prognosis”. It was written on a name card and placed on a table.

2. Shashi, the table-topics master, said a story for how the word “Toastmasters” came to existence. He spent a lot of time at the table near the projector to set his table topics up.

3. He had 7 images. He asked the speakers to pick a number between 1 and 7 and based on that he gave an image and asked them to talk on the image.

4. One of the images was a greenish mountain where a basket, blanket, and Dutch food were kept, like picnicking. Mike talked. He said that her girl friend’s eyes are like the blue water. She smells like the green mountain.

5. The light used by the timer broke.

6. Shaoxiong gave his icebreaker speech. He said he used to stammer and how he overcame it. He asked us to confront our fear. He also said an inspiring quote, “Life starts at the end of comfort zone”.

7. Shaoxiong’s speech title was “My audible secret”. He used the word audible a lot. The ah counter said that Shaoxiong used 79 ah’s. The other speaker Ana didn’t use the filler word ah.

8. It’s carnaval time in the Netherlands, during which people dress up like someone and drink lots of beer.

9. I talked on a table topic. I got a picture of a busy street. I said that the world is going to end and only one street is going to survive and that was that street. I asked the audience to buy home in that street if they want to live longer.

10. The ladies tried to switch on the projector. But they were not able to reach it. So one of the men switched it on.

11. We din’t have the key to open the meeting hall. So we had to wait outside for 10 mins.

12. One speaker said, “Work hard. Party harder.”

The Humor Monologue
1. Dear ladies and tall men.
(Twist to the usual opening line “Ladies and gentlemen”. Good opener)

2. Welcome our new club member “Prognosis”.
(Since the name was written on a name plate, I gave it a definition that it’s a real person.)

3. I don’t know how the word “Toastmasters” came into existence. But I know about the word “Table-topics master”. They spend a lot of time at the table.
(Shashi, the table-topics master did spend a lot of time at the table to setup the powerpoint. He wasted 10 mins. So, it was nice opportunistic line.)

4. We had to wait outside for 10 mins. It’s not something new for me. Every day, I wait for 3 hrs, when I go home late.
(My usual wife joke theme)

5. As a Toastmaster, I would describe my wife like this. Her lips are red like the red light. She smells like the green light. But forget it. The lights don’t work anyway.
(Parallel story. The topper got more laughter.)

6. Shaoxiong said 79 ahs. Out of which 78 came from the word ahh-dible.
(Linking up two facts)

7. Did you see that picture? The one where two things don’t go well together. Mountain and Dutch food.
(The Netherlands is a flat country, only one mountain. So this joke was well received.)

8. Good job, Ana. Not even an-ah.
(Word play)

9. I sold my home in that special street for 3 billion euros. Turned out that the news about the world ending was just another scam.
(Superiority theory. The audience feel superior to the buyer of the house.)

10. My wife usually asks me to pick a number between 1 and 7. If I say 1, she would say, “Do the dishes.” 2 – “Clean the toilet” 3 – “Cook the curry”. In my case, “Work hard. Pantry harder.”
(Superiority theory again. The topper is wordplay.)

11. One of my friends told me an inspiring quote, “Life starts at the end of marriage.”
(Best line of the monologue. Three reasons. One: It tricks the audience into thinking that what I’m going to say is really inspirational. They don’t expect the punchline coming. Two: It uses the quote that was told by someone else. Three: The punchline is just one word place at the very end of the joke.)

12. I decided to confront my fear. I wanted to raise my self esteem. So during the carnaval, I dressed up like my wife.
(Another best line. Rule of three. Superiority theory. The punchline deviates from what a real man would do to raise his self esteem.)

13. The bad news is that my wife dressed up like my mother-in-law.
(Superiority theory)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – November 2, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. I arrived 5 mins late to the meeting. Sandy, a guest arrived 10 mins late. She said she was lost. Indeed it’s very difficult to find our meeting place within the campus.

2. Our club president announced that I was placed 3rd in the Division Contest. She showed my trophy to everyone. She also announced that in 2 weeks I’m moving to Amsterdam for a new job.

3. Floris gave a speech about PowerPoint presentation. He asked us to avoid using PowerPoint. He said that some people add porn to PowerPoint. Shashi asked him which font to use. Winslow jokingly asked if he said ‘font’ or ‘porn’ since they sounded alike. Floris asked us to add more pics, less text. And not use bullet points, but instead use numbers.

4. Theme of the meeting was Halloween. Table topics master said he chose a different theme for table topics – Literature. He gave topics on Bob Dylan.

5. Shane said that if you want to be considered great, never be lucid, never state it.

6. Maha said that she doesn’t want Trump as president because then it would feel like a very long Halloween season.

7. There was a 13-yr-old kid in the audience.

8. Somebody made manager/boss/Team jokes. She said a project was started 5 years ago and still going on (which is unusual). Her speech evaluator said that she used very long sentences.

9. Someone asked how to keep your audience quiet while you speak.

10. Mike gave his 10th speech. He didn’t move at all. He said he sucked at languages, especially English. His speech evaluator asked him to practice in front of mirror to improve his body language and movement around the stage.

11. Winslow said that American sandwiches have a lot of stuff in between bread. Dutch sandwiches have only a thin slice, either cheese or meat slice. Audience laughed because it’s true.

12. Mike said that her mom advised him, “If you don’t study, you’ll end up working in the same company where his father works.”

The Humor Monologue
1. That trophy – cost me sleepless nights, hard work, and 15 euros.
(Rule of 3. Good opener)

2. Like Justina said, in 2 weeks, I’m starting my new job… at the company where Mike’s father works. If only I studied well…
(Self deprecation. Unexpected punchline. The announcement that I was moving to a new job was done at the last moment, just before calling me to the stage to present my monologue. So, this line was made in my mind, not written on my sheet. That was spontaneous. And the topper “If only I studied well” was perfect.)

3. [acts like trying to switch on a PowerPoint presentation] Wait… Floris disapproved my slides.
(Callback to Floris asking us not to use PowerPoint)

4. Meeting theme – Halloween. Table topics theme – Literature. For me, there is no difference.
(Implied punchline – Literature is horrifying. Good laughter)

5. If you want to be considered great, never be lucid, never state it, and always laugh at my jokes.
(Rule of 3. Silly.)

6. Sandy, you were lost today. Don’t worry. You are not alone. I’ve been coming to this venue for 3 years. And today, I was lost.
(Self deprecation. Exaggeration.)

7. It feels like a very long Halloween season… ever since I got married.
(Self deprecation. I’ve been making at least one wife joke at every meeting. And the trend continues.)

8. Every night, my wife would say, “Honey, come to bed.” I would say, “I am doing some office work.” “What work?” “Nothing. Just watching PowerPoint.”
(Implied punchline – that I prefer watching porn. Good laughter.)

9. There is a kid in the audience. Otherwise I’d be telling ‘font’ jokes.
(Implied punchline. font = porn)

10. Yesterday was Halloween. I was scared. A kid was at my door… dressed as my manager.
(Huge laughter. Used the joke format of this joke from “The Tonight Show by Jimmy Fallon” – Hillary Clinton got quite a scare tonight. I guess a trick-or-treater came to the door dressed as a lie detector. If Hillary is scared of lie detector, who would I be scared of?)

11. When I speak, everybody keeps quiet. How? I make them fall asleep.
(Self deprecation)

12. Once, I gave a presentation full of JUST PICTURES. Nothing else. Still the audience complained that it was the most boring presentation ever. Why? Because those pictures were pictures of white board full of written lines. Moreover, the lines were bulleted, not numbered.
(I asked myself a what-if question. What if I added only pictures and no text and how can it still be boring? The answer is a pic with text. And the topper with bullets/numbers fit perfectly)

13. Mike actually practised in front of mirror. A very small mirror.
(Painted a funny picture. Gave a logical explanation to the question why Mike didn’t move at all. Huge laughter.)

14. Moreover, didn’t Mike say that he sucks at languages? Body language is a language too.
(Listing technique. I listed language and came up with languages like, English, Tamil, C, Java, Javascript, Body language. I related the fact that Mike sucks at languages to body language. Huge laughter.)

15. Jitske used very long sentence. She started it 5 years ago.
(Absurdity. Callback to project that was started 5 years ago.)

16. She keeps on continuing and never stops a sentence because a “full stop” resembles a “bullet point”.
(Silly, but funny)

17. Indian sandwiches have nothing in between. Someone stole it.
(Best line of the monologue. It took a while for the laughter to subside. I had to wait so long to say the topper “Someone stole it.” The reason why it got such a huge laughter is that this line has many elements a good joke should have
a. Theory of superiority. i.e. making fun of a country that the audience doesn’t belong to.
b. Absurdity. Imagine a sandwich with nothing in between. That’s simply called as 2 bread loaves.
c. Paints a funny picture.
d. Rule of 3. The setup was already established. i.e. American sandwich has a lot in between. Dutch sandwich only has a thin slice of meat in between. All I had to do was go even further down. i.e. more -> thin -> nothing.
e. Exaggeration. Eating two breads and calling it as a sandwich is mere exaggeration.
The topper was good too. It again uses theory of superiority.)

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