Tag Archives: humor monologue

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – July 26, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Bogdan gave a speech about “How to end a speech”. He said there are some speeches famous for their first sentence, like Martin Luther King’s speech that starts with “I have a dream” and some speeches that are famous for the last sentence. From the same speech “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty. We’re free at last!”

2. Bogdan also quoted few lines from Obama’s farewell speech “I am asking you to believe. I am asking you to hold fast to that faith. I am asking you to…”

3. The guests said that they liked the meeting because the speeches were evaluated, the table topics were evaluated, and even the evaluators were evaluated.

4. Erin gave a speech about fear. She said she had fear up high (fear of height). “Fear up high” sounded like “Fear of pie”. Only from the context of the speech, we understood she meant fear up high.

5. Shaoxiong did the project “How to say it”. He talked about Chinese people. He said they work for 10 to 12 hrs a day and even in the weekends. He said there are 800,000 single women in China. He is single too. He said he would like to get married to one of them.

6. Bogdan gave 5 ways to end a speech. He abbreviated those 5 ways to P.O.W.E.R.

The Humor Monologue
1. I have a joke.
(Good opening, mimicking Martin Luther King’s I have a dream speech. Some people immediately recognized it. Some didn’t)

2. I’m asking you to laugh. I’m asking you to clap. I’m asking you to give me a standing ovation. PLEASE…
(Continuing on the same theme. Mimicking Obama’s speech, and being silly – asking the audience to laugh at my jokes. This line didn’t get much response.)

3. Yes, you can.
(Another Obama line)

4. “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty! Free at last!” No no, I’m not quoting Martin Luther King. These are the words we Indians say when we get something for free.
(Wordplay on the word ‘free’. Self deprecation (on our country). Paraprodoskian. Very good response.)

5. We’ve evaluated everyone. Now I’m going to evaluate the guests.
(Absurdity. Exaggeration. At TM meetings, we only evaluate the TMs’speeches. But exaggerated a bit and said I was going to evaluate the guests since they were the only ones unevaluated.)

6. I have fear of… wife.
(My usual wife-roast jokes)

7. I have fear of being up high too. But I’d rather be up high than being down low with my wife.
(Continuing on the wife joke. Exaggeration.)

8. Erin said she has fear up high. It sounded like “Fear of pi”. I thought maybe she had a hard time remembering PI = 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971.
(Wordplay. Observation – since everyone thought she meant pi. Exaggeration – kept adding more digits after the decimal. Best line of the monologue.)

9. Chinese people work for 10 to 12 hrs a day and even in the weekends. Just imagine how big the Chinese population will be if they start spending more time at home.
(Linking China is the most populous country to their work schedule. Another best line.)

10. Shaoxiong, your project was “How to say it?”. The answer is “I love you. And I want to marry you.”
(Linking his project title with his speech content)

11. In some speeches, the first sentence is remembered. In some speeches, the last sentence is remembered. That’s why, to be on the safer side, I always keep all my speeches to JUST ONE SENTENCE.
(Absurdity. Being silly – keeping just one sentence in the speech so that my speech will be remembered always.)

12. Let the P.O.W.E.R be with you.
(Closed my speech with P.O.W.E.R since those were the 5 techniques that Bogdan shared to close a speech. Good closer)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – May 3, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. We had a guest named Amole. He said that he likes to pronounce people’s names correctly.

2. Floris talked on a table topic about coffee. He said that everyone drinks coffee at his office and coffee runs his office.

3. Word of the day was ‘Discombobulated’. Tom said that it’s his favorite word.

4. Many speakers dropped out in the last minute.

5. Amole nodded his head for something a speaker said. The speaker asked him whether he was hearing or nodding.

6. Shane gave a speech about his hobby. His hobby is programming. He said that he was going to show something which he does in a dark room, which was his hobby.

7. Tom talked on a table topic about clowns. He said that you don’t know what’s behind a clown; they may be man eaters.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening Toastmasters, guests, and especially Amelia. My hobby is pronouncing people’s names correctly.
(Rule of three. It’s ironic to mispronounce someone’s name who is interested in pronouncing other’s names correctly)

2. Who’s the CEO of Floris’ office? It’s coffee. Coffee runs his office.
(Derive another meaning from a sentence)

3. Today, many speakers dropped out. We wanted to fill in time. That’s why Tom chose the word ‘Discombobulated’. Every time a speaker say the word of the day, booom, 3 minutes gone.
(Exaggerating the observation that it’s a long word)

4. Discombobulated. It has all 5 vowels. And just one short of 21 consonants.
(It has all 5 vowels – observation. Followed by a topper – exaggeration. The topper got more laughter.)

5. Discombobulated – such a long word and it’s Tom’s favorite word. The shortest word is my favorite word and favorite person. That’s “I”.
(Unexpected twist. Self praising is funny.)

6. Amole, you shook your head now. I am sure that you are neither hearing nor nodding. You’re sleeping. My speech made you sleep.
(Self deprecation. If a person shakes his head, what can it be? Sleeping could be a punchline.)

7. I was shocked when Shane said, “I want to show you something which I do in the dark.”
(Best line of the monologue. Huge laughter.)

8. Moreover his speech title was “My hubby”.
(Word play. Twisting his title “My hobby”. Another best line of the monologue.)

9. My wife learnt programming. She programmed me to do the dishes, clean the toilet, cook the curry.
(Self deprecation)

10. It’s already 8:30. I’m hungry. Let me remind you that I’m a clown.
(Implied punchline that I’ll eat one of them. Good closer.)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – March 1, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Word of the day was “Prognosis”. It was written on a name card and placed on a table.

2. Shashi, the table-topics master, said a story for how the word “Toastmasters” came to existence. He spent a lot of time at the table near the projector to set his table topics up.

3. He had 7 images. He asked the speakers to pick a number between 1 and 7 and based on that he gave an image and asked them to talk on the image.

4. One of the images was a greenish mountain where a basket, blanket, and Dutch food were kept, like picnicking. Mike talked. He said that her girl friend’s eyes are like the blue water. She smells like the green mountain.

5. The light used by the timer broke.

6. Shaoxiong gave his icebreaker speech. He said he used to stammer and how he overcame it. He asked us to confront our fear. He also said an inspiring quote, “Life starts at the end of comfort zone”.

7. Shaoxiong’s speech title was “My audible secret”. He used the word audible a lot. The ah counter said that Shaoxiong used 79 ah’s. The other speaker Ana didn’t use the filler word ah.

8. It’s carnaval time in the Netherlands, during which people dress up like someone and drink lots of beer.

9. I talked on a table topic. I got a picture of a busy street. I said that the world is going to end and only one street is going to survive and that was that street. I asked the audience to buy home in that street if they want to live longer.

10. The ladies tried to switch on the projector. But they were not able to reach it. So one of the men switched it on.

11. We din’t have the key to open the meeting hall. So we had to wait outside for 10 mins.

12. One speaker said, “Work hard. Party harder.”

The Humor Monologue
1. Dear ladies and tall men.
(Twist to the usual opening line “Ladies and gentlemen”. Good opener)

2. Welcome our new club member “Prognosis”.
(Since the name was written on a name plate, I gave it a definition that it’s a real person.)

3. I don’t know how the word “Toastmasters” came into existence. But I know about the word “Table-topics master”. They spend a lot of time at the table.
(Shashi, the table-topics master did spend a lot of time at the table to setup the powerpoint. He wasted 10 mins. So, it was nice opportunistic line.)

4. We had to wait outside for 10 mins. It’s not something new for me. Every day, I wait for 3 hrs, when I go home late.
(My usual wife joke theme)

5. As a Toastmaster, I would describe my wife like this. Her lips are red like the red light. She smells like the green light. But forget it. The lights don’t work anyway.
(Parallel story. The topper got more laughter.)

6. Shaoxiong said 79 ahs. Out of which 78 came from the word ahh-dible.
(Linking up two facts)

7. Did you see that picture? The one where two things don’t go well together. Mountain and Dutch food.
(The Netherlands is a flat country, only one mountain. So this joke was well received.)

8. Good job, Ana. Not even an-ah.
(Word play)

9. I sold my home in that special street for 3 billion euros. Turned out that the news about the world ending was just another scam.
(Superiority theory. The audience feel superior to the buyer of the house.)

10. My wife usually asks me to pick a number between 1 and 7. If I say 1, she would say, “Do the dishes.” 2 – “Clean the toilet” 3 – “Cook the curry”. In my case, “Work hard. Pantry harder.”
(Superiority theory again. The topper is wordplay.)

11. One of my friends told me an inspiring quote, “Life starts at the end of marriage.”
(Best line of the monologue. Three reasons. One: It tricks the audience into thinking that what I’m going to say is really inspirational. They don’t expect the punchline coming. Two: It uses the quote that was told by someone else. Three: The punchline is just one word place at the very end of the joke.)

12. I decided to confront my fear. I wanted to raise my self esteem. So during the carnaval, I dressed up like my wife.
(Another best line. Rule of three. Superiority theory. The punchline deviates from what a real man would do to raise his self esteem.)

13. The bad news is that my wife dressed up like my mother-in-law.
(Superiority theory)

%d bloggers like this: