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Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – May 3, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. We had a guest named Amole. He said that he likes to pronounce people’s names correctly.

2. Floris talked on a table topic about coffee. He said that everyone drinks coffee at his office and coffee runs his office.

3. Word of the day was ‘Discombobulated’. Tom said that it’s his favorite word.

4. Many speakers dropped out in the last minute.

5. Amole nodded his head for something a speaker said. The speaker asked him whether he was hearing or nodding.

6. Shane gave a speech about his hobby. His hobby is programming. He said that he was going to show something which he does in a dark room, which was his hobby.

7. Tom talked on a table topic about clowns. He said that you don’t know what’s behind a clown; they may be man eaters.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening Toastmasters, guests, and especially Amelia. My hobby is pronouncing people’s names correctly.
(Rule of three. It’s ironic to mispronounce someone’s name who is interested in pronouncing other’s names correctly)

2. Who’s the CEO of Floris’ office? It’s coffee. Coffee runs his office.
(Derive another meaning from a sentence)

3. Today, many speakers dropped out. We wanted to fill in time. That’s why Tom chose the word ‘Discombobulated’. Every time a speaker say the word of the day, booom, 3 minutes gone.
(Exaggerating the observation that it’s a long word)

4. Discombobulated. It has all 5 vowels. And just one short of 21 consonants.
(It has all 5 vowels – observation. Followed by a topper – exaggeration. The topper got more laughter.)

5. Discombobulated – such a long word and it’s Tom’s favorite word. The shortest word is my favorite word and favorite person. That’s “I”.
(Unexpected twist. Self praising is funny.)

6. Amole, you shook your head now. I am sure that you are neither hearing nor nodding. You’re sleeping. My speech made you sleep.
(Self deprecation. If a person shakes his head, what can it be? Sleeping could be a punchline.)

7. I was shocked when Shane said, “I want to show you something which I do in the dark.”
(Best line of the monologue. Huge laughter.)

8. Moreover his speech title was “My hubby”.
(Word play. Twisting his title “My hobby”. Another best line of the monologue.)

9. My wife learnt programming. She programmed me to do the dishes, clean the toilet, cook the curry.
(Self deprecation)

10. It’s already 8:30. I’m hungry. Let me remind you that I’m a clown.
(Implied punchline that I’ll eat one of them. Good closer.)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – March 29, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. At our club, we have a role called “Tastemaster”, who brings snacks for everyone. At tonight’s meeting, we had 3 people getting snacks.

2. Before the meeting started, the emcee asked, “Does anyone want water?”

3. Karin, one of the guests, told that she failed an audition of a show. She wanted to improve her speaking skills, so she came to Toastmasters.

4. Winslow said a funny incident. It was when his son was 5 (now he’s 24). They were in Disneyland, having dinner. His son dipped his face in spaghetti, and everyone in the restaurant was shocked. He also said that it’s hard to send kids to bed early and have some fun.

5. Tom, a third time guest, said that he is now ready to give us the money (meaning that he is going to join the club)

6. Jasmin, a speaker, told a story from a German book (she also showed us the book). The person in the story travelled Asia in elephant, bikes, and boats.

7. The table topics master asked everyone, “Who here has children?”

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening everyone, and the one person who’s not a tastemaster.
(Exaggeration. There were many tastemasters)

2. Does anyone want rotten tomatoes, before I start… to throw at me?
(Self deprecation. Callback to the emcee asking for water.)

3. I’m going to tell my jokes from this book [shows the audience that German book]. Oh wait, it’s a GERMAN book.
(Universal humor. i.e. Germans don’t have sense of humor)

4. Karin, you’re welcome to join our club, after you pass the audition.
(Being silly)

5. Who here doesn’t have children? [some TMs raise hands] Anyone wants to adopt me?
(Absurdity. Best line of the monologue)

6. I promise I’ll go to bed early.
(Topper to the last joke. Absurdity once again)

7. Winslow didn’t remove the sphagetti from his son’s face, so that his son can’t see anything, and Winslow can have fun.
(Paints a funny picture. Asked myself a question, if your kid is not going to bed early, how can you still have fun? The answer is if he can’t see anything.)

8. Everyone was shocked, not because his son had sphagetti on his face, but because he had it on his face for 3 days.
(Giving another definition to shocked.)

9. Now he’s 24. And he still has it.

10. I’m a professional speaker. People hire me to give motivational speeches to their children, and put them to sleep early.
(Self deprecation. Unexpected punchline – when I say I give motivational speech to children, the audience expect, it’s to turn them into great people. The punchine reveals it’s to put them to sleep early.)

11. Tom, it’s 500 euros for one kid. Give me all your money.
(Callback to Tom saying that he would give his money now)

12. Safe travel back home, especially if you’re by elephant.
(Callback to the German travelling by elephant)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – March 22, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Shripad gave a speech titled “Incredible India”. He said that Einstein thanked the Indians because they invented how to count. His presentation slides were full of too much text. He said that India put 104 satellites in one rocket and launched it. Also India launched Mars mission.

2. He also showed a video titled “Incredible India”. After watching the video, many people told that they would like to go to India.

3. He also told that 2600 yrs ago, Indians did surgeries and found anesthesia.

4. One of the speakers said that work life balance is important, but his boss made him work like anything.

5. Inna, a speaker, gave a piece of paper to everyone and asked to draw a bird. Everyone drew their own versions. Then she told how to draw a standard bird, then everyone’s drawing looked alike.

6. One of the table topics was whether you would like to just “visit” many places? Or “live” in many places?

7. Rens talked on a table topic. He said that he asked his uncle whether he could go to his home. His uncle asked him not to come in November. So he went in the mid of Jan. He found out that the kitchen was not done for 2.5 months. It was finished only in February, only after 3.5 months.

8. The emcee invited me to the floor for observational humor, then she remembered that she hadn’t asked the guests how they liked the meeting, so she asked me to stay back until the guests complete giving their opinion.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening 9 ladies and 11 gentlemen. After all, we, Indians, invented how to count.
(Twisted the typical opener “ladies and gentlemen” by adding numbers. Good opener)

2. You’re welcome, Einstein.
(Absurdity. Einstein thanked the Indians who invented counting. But I said “You’re welcome” meaning that he thanked all Indians.)

3. The emcee asked the guests to share their opinion before my speech, because then their opinion will change.
(Self deprecation. Implying that my speech is going to be very bad.)

4. Check if the piece of paper is still there on your table? Or the bird flew away?
(Absurdity – a drawn-bird flying)

5. Okay, let’s draw my wife.
(This one set the series of wife jokes well. Already the audience started laughing.)

6. Wait, you don’t have a standard picture of my wife, right? Let me show you one. [shows a demon pic drawn by me]
(Huge laughter. Theory of superiority)

7. I proposed long-distance relationship to my wife. She in India. And I in Mars.
(Exaggeration. Unexpected punchline. Break audience expectation. Audience expected I would say, “I in the Netherlands”)

8. It’s a pity that I didn’t bring my wife here today. Otherwise I would have shown her that great video about India and convinced her to go back to India.
(Best line of the monologue. Everyone was convinced to go to India after watching the video. I used that fact to make it work for me.)

9. I told my wife that I’d only like to “visit” several places. But she forces me to “live” in several places, like, bathroom, store room, garage.
(Twist. Break audience expectation. When I say places, the audience assume that I talk about cities or countries. But I narrow it down to places in a house. Also self deprecation.)

10. My boss is a very good guy. He would always say, “Go home. Work life balance is important.” I’d be like, “I have to find a new boss.”
(Ends the series of wife jokes. 180 degree twist. Everyone would like the other way around.)

11. India put 104 satellites in one rocket. Shripad put 104 lines of text in one slide.
(Exaggeration. Another best line of the monologue.)

12. Shripad’s slides were full of text, densely populated with text. Don’t blame him. His speech was about the most populous country.
(Truth. Linking common facts.)

13. Are you interested in surgeries without anesthesia? Just let me know. I can put you to sleep by giving a speech.
(The audience started laughing even after finishing the setup. I think the setup itself is a joke. The punchline is self deprecation.)

14. My uncle said to me, “Don’t come in November.” So I went in January. I was shocked to see my uncle and aunt without… oh no… without… any… clot… THEIR LAUNDRY WASN’T DONE IN 3 MONTHS.
(Absurdity. Paints a funny picture – naked uncle and aunt.)

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