Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – April 20, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue which was presented at the end of a Toastmasters meeting. First you’ll be able to read the set-up for each joke. Then I’ll share the joke. Next I’ll briefly comment on what made the joke work. Although the examples of Observational Humor are in the context of a Toastmasters meeting, the skills apply just the same to any meeting you might be attending. It’s a useful skill to develop. When you can drop in an observational line into any presentation it makes the content of your whole talk feel fresh and original.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented)
1. One of the guests (3rd time guest) said that his membership is in progress.

2. Our name tags were handwritten. But today, Inna printed our names out and brought ’em to the meeting. We replaced the handwritten ones with the printed ones.

3. The theme was mentioned as “TBD”. I was the Toastmaster-of-the-evening. I jokingly said TBD means “Theme Boycotting Academy”.

4. The fridge at our club is broken. A new one has to be bought for 150 euros. So there was a debate whether to spend on buying a fridge and whether to continue giving free drinks.

5. Every TM voted for “Free drinks or not.” Floris, one of the TMs, was absent. Winslow said that Floris is strongly towards free drinks and he is always in favor of it. He also said that there is nothing called free drinks since anyway the drinks are paid from the subscription fee.

6. One of the speakers talked about Hitler.

7. One speaker told an inspiring story. A small boy managed to break an unbreakable thing with bare hands. When someone wondered how he did it, another person said, ” There was no one to tell him that he couldn’t do it.”

8. Winslow said that the only exercise he does is jumping from the couch when his favorite team scores points. During his speech, he showed a video of some sports and them scoring points.

9. Two of the prepared speakers were absent.

10. Mike said that his neighbor couple always fight with one another.

11. One speaker said how Dale Carnegie wrote the book “How to win friends”. All his speeches were compiled and evolved into a book.

The Humor Monologue
1. Dear guests, members, and members-in-progress.
(Rule of three. Not-so-good response)

2. Two of the prepared speakers are absent. It’s because of Inna. She didn’t print their name tags.
(Silly reasoning. Silly is funny.)

3. No, I’m just kidding. You can see “TBD” printed as speech title in the agenda. TBD just means “They Boycott Drinks.”
(Silly expansion for TBD)

4. Mike, you’re so rude. I’m moving to a new house. My new house is the broken fridge at our club.
(Drop into someone’s story – meaning that I was Mike’s neighbor. I paused for more than 5 seconds after that line. Laughter slowly came. The line “I’m moving to a new house” aroused curiosity. Then the topper “living in a fridge” is absurd and paints a funny picture.)

5. Floris came at 6 o’ clock, took his free drink, and went back.
(Silly. Also paints a funny picture. Since someone said that Floris is strongly in favor of free drinks, just coming before the meeting, having the free drink, and going back is funny.)

6. Hitler said to his people, “Those who are in favor of free drinks, stand on this side. And those who aren’t, please stand in front of the cannon.”
(Superiority theory. The audience will feel superior to the people who are not in favor of free drinks.)

7. I once gave a speech at this club. That was my first speech. There were 20 people in the audience. I did a very good job. Because at the end of the speech, there was no one to tell me that I couldn’t do it. No one.
(Unexpected twist. Self deprecation. The setup is long, but broken into very short sentences. That built nicely towards the punchline. The punchline is just a recall to the inspiring line from the story. Instead of inspiring, it is used as self deprecating line here. Excellent response.

8. That inspired me to write a book. “How to lose friends.”
(Self deprecation. Best line of the monologue. Audience started laughing even before I said the name of the book. They were laughing for more than 30 seconds. Even I couldn’t control laughter. I laughed myself. Then the name of the book got even more laughter. Out of the 80 monologues I’ve done so far, this line got the best laughter.

After the meeting was over, one of the guests told me that this line was great and had him in tears. He said that normally a comedian shouldn’t laugh when he tells jokes, but in this case, when I laughed, it magnified the laughter from the audience, he said.)

9. I disagree. There is something called “free drinks”. It’s free… for the guests.
(Truth. The guests don’t pay anything, but get free drinks.)

10. When Winslow showed the video, I was like, “Where is cricket in this video?”
(Truth. Indians watch cricket a lot. Average response.)

11. I was strongly in favor of free drinks. Because the only exercise I do is opening and closing the fridge.
(Silly. Call back. Moderate laughter.)

12. But now I’ve changed my decision. I am against it. Because then I’ll have to move home again.
(Call back to my own joke. Nice closer.)

Humor Monologue delivered at Division Conference – April 16, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue which was presented at the end of a Toastmasters Division Conference. First you’ll be able to read the set-up for each joke. Then I’ll share the joke. Next I’ll briefly comment on what made the joke work. Although the examples of Observational Humor are in the context of a Toastmasters meeting, the skills apply just the same to any meeting you might be attending. It’s a useful skill to develop. When you can drop in an observational line into any presentation it makes the content of your whole talk feel fresh and original.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented)

1. The conference was held in a church. Many people pointed that out.

2. One speaker said that the babies, once born, should become a Toastmaster. For world peace.

3. A map of the Netherlands was kept at the entrance and we were asked to mark in the map “Where did you wake up this morning?”

4. The keynote speaker said “Leader is someone who goes the way and shows the way.”

5. Tony, one of the speakers, said that if I give a normal flower to a girl, it can be friendship, but if I give a rose, it definitely means love and proposal.

6. One speaker said that his kid woke up screaming “Daddy” because of a nightmare. And the nightmare was she pissed on a dead dog.

7. The keynote speaker said that on the days you’re not fired, you should assume you’ve done a good job (because most leaders don’t appreciate their subordinates’ good work).

8. One of the speakers said he never had LinkedIn account, and he created one since his friend forced him. He updated his status as “CC CL”. No, not “Competent communicator, and Competent Leader”. But “Currently Confused. Contact Later.”

9. Christina, one of the speakers, showed us a knife that was never opened from the pack for 30 years.

10. Dirceau, one of the speakers said, he has 5 children, and hence if he has to go to the bathroom, he has to wait in a queue for a long time.

11. One speaker said, Paths are made by walking, not by waiting.

12. One speaker joked “Germans, in heaven, do arrange things, and in hell provide entertainment. And English, in heaven, do something that they are good at, and in hell, cook food.”

13. Saby, one of the speakers said, he dropped a dumpling in a restaurant. He called that a dead dumpling. He later took that and ate.

14. 99% of the Dutch people don’t go to a church.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening daddy, mommy, and especially the doctor. This was my first sentence when I was born. Yes, babies should be Toastmasters.
(Only few people laughed. Many were thinking whether to laugh or not because the audience have never heard such monologues before. Below average response.)

2. I don’t know where you woke up this morning. But I know, you’re going to sleep. HERE. NOW.
(Self deprecation. This made the connection with the audience. They started realizing that I was making jokes.)

3. The people who didn’t laugh – They are already sleeping.
(Huge response. The momentum picked up from this line.)

4. Why Division Conference in a church??!! Because that’s the only way by which we can get at least some Dutch people go to a church.
(Truth. Huge laughter. The audience could relate to this joke.)

5. This is not the place where we turn water into wine. We turn ordinary speakers into extra-ordinary speakers.
(Awww response. It’s a say-something-good-about-the-audience kind of line.)

6. Leader is someone who goes the way and shows the way. In Toastmasters, we call him Sergeant at arms.
(Truth. Wordplay on ‘show the way’. Very huge response.)

7. Whenever I give roses to girls, they say 2 sentences. a) “I love you too” b) “Say this to Tony”.
(Absurdity. Self deprecation. Moderate laughter)

8. “DADDDDDY,” My kid screamed. “What happened, son?” “I had a nightmare.” “Oh. What nightmare?” “You were giving a 7-minute speech to me. To me alone.”
(Self deprecation. Very huge laughter.)

9. “Well, at least you didn’t piss on the dead dumpling.”
(Extremely huge laughter).

10. Just imagine saby eating that.
(Topper. This topper and the last joke were the best lines of the monologue. The whole audience were laughing)

11. On days I had not been fired, I was on sick leave.
(Self deprecation. Good response.)

12. On my Facebook, I updated “CC CL, please”. “Candy Crush Coming. Logout please”.
(Truth. Candy Crush requests are annoying. Very good response.)

13. Christina never opened the knife. For 30 years. But now I see she’s opening the knife, showing it to me, and saying, “I am going to kill you.. if you don’t stop speaking.”
(Self deprecation. Huge response)

14. In Dirceau’s house, bathrooms are made by waiting, not by walking.
(Linking the waiting line to the waiting in bathroom fact. Okish response.)

15. Indians, in heaven, don’t spend money. In hell, don’t spend money.
(Truth. Self deprecation. Huge response. Especially from the Indians)

16. Miracles normally happen in church. Today’s miracle – You’re STILL listening to me.
(Self deprecation. Very good closer)

This is a monologue with mostly self deprecation jokes. This monologue could be used to learn how to use self deprecation jokes in a neat way (not too harsh on you, but exactly right amount). I myself will definitely come back and read this post whenever I would like to brush up on self deprecation jokes skill. I am in love with this monologue.

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – April 6, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue which was presented at the end of a Toastmasters meeting. First you’ll be able to read the set-up for each joke. Then I’ll share the joke. Next I’ll briefly comment on what made the joke work. Although the examples of Observational Humor are in the context of a Toastmasters meeting, the skills apply just the same to any meeting you might be attending. It’s a useful skill to develop. When you can drop in an observational line into any presentation it makes the content of your whole talk feel fresh and original.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented)

1. Theme of the meeting was ‘April’. Table topics were based on ‘April fool’ theme.

2. One of the table topics was “What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?”. Tobias said, “Once I called my mom on April 1 and said that my daughter had broken her legs” to fool her.

3. Rens gave a speech about “Self defense techniques”. He brought an assistant with him. His assistant made self defense poses, and Rens explained the poses. I evaluated his speech.

4. Lupe gave her ice-breaker speech. She began her speech in 3rd person. Lupe is blah, Lupe is blah blah…

5. One of the table topics was “What causes the most mess at your house?”

6. Bogdan gave a speech about negotiation. He started his speech by asking the timer “I’ve got 20 minutes, right?” for which the timer told, “No, 14 minutes.” Then Bogdan said, “See. That’s negotiation.” Bogdan’s evaluator said that he couldn’t pronounce the word “Lowering” properly. So he advised him to replace “lowering” with “decreasing”.

7. Bogdan’s evaluator also asked him to tell the story first, and then write the theory part on the board or draw diagrams.

8. The timer, while explaining the role, said that if the speaker crosses the red light, she’ll start clapping, and the speaker has to stop.

9. Floris gave a presentation. The beamer didn’t start, and he had trouble with it for 5 minutes. Winslow joked that it was because of Floris’ Apple laptop.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening Toastmasters, Rens, and especially Ren’s assistant.
(Rule of 3. I used this line while doing the evaluation of Ren’s speech. Good laughter.)

2. Good evening Toastmasters, guests, and Bala.
(Callback to Lupe’s 3rd person reference. Good laughter)

3. Now Bala is going to tell jokes. And after every joke, you’re going to laugh for 20 hours, right? Okay. 20 seconds. See, negotiation.
(Continuing in the 3rd person. Followed by callback to the negotiation part. Exaggerated a bit to 20 hours. Moderate laughter.)

4. You must have noticed that I was not so harsh on Rens while evaluating his speech. Because he talked well, he gestured well, and more importantly I don’t have an assistant to help me with the defense.
(Rule of 3. Implied punchline that if I said something bad, Rens would hurt me.)

5. What causes the most mess at my home? It’s money. 50 euros, 100 euros lying all around…
(Paints a funny picture. Good laughter.)

6. YOU APRIL FOOLS!!
(Callback to the theme of the meeting.)

7. Floris played “APPLE FOOL” joke.
(Wordplay. Huge laughter)

8. My speeches usually run over time, beyond red. I do that intentionally. Because that’s the only way by which I can get claps.
(Self deprecation. Huge laughter)

9. Tobias’ mother didn’t want to look like a fool. So she hired Rens’ assistant, sent him to Tobias’ home, and broke his daughter’s legs.
(Absurdity. Exaggeration. Just came up with a silly option that Tobias’ mom would choose to not look like fool. Breaking her own grand daughter’s legs to not look like a fool is absurd.)

10. I wanted to fool my mother. So I called her. “Mom, my daughter has broken her legs.” She was like, “But you don’t have a daughter…”
(Self deprecation. Absurdity. Silly. Huge laughter)

11. Bogdan proposed to his girlfriend, like this
[bent on one knee and acted like proposing, and did the role play]
GF: “What’s this?”
“Love ring”
“A what?”
“Love ring”
“Oh… you mean decreasing?”
(Word play on “lowering”. Very huge laughter.)

12. Okay, the story is over. Now starts the drawing session…
(Callback to telling the story first and do all the theory/drawings later. Weak closer)

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