Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – August 24, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. The emcee said, “Welcome to the 213th Toastmasters episode, instead of saying 213th Toastmasters meeting.”

2. Mike talked about the Netherlands royal family – King Willem Alexander and Queen Maxima.

3. Few toastmasters forgot to pick their name cards before being seated.

4. A table topic was about 7 habits of highly effective people.

5. Netherlands is famous for drugs. Smoking marijuana is legal here.

6. Rens said a very dark joke. If you put a coin in a machine and get a cigarette, is the cigarette yours or the machine’s? (implicitly comparing that to a woman delivering a child)

7. Rens said, “During tough situations, stay calm. And then the situation will become much much better.”

8. Inna said that you don’t have to work a day if you love your job – meaning that it won’t feel like working.

9. Justina said that she never regretted coming to Toastmasters meetings. She was wearing a short skirt since it was very hot. She said that in the past she couldn’t come skirtless (meaning that she had to cover herself fully because of cold). But the meaning changed – implying that she couldn’t come naked.

10. Word of the day was ‘Profound’.

11. Inna talked about ABZ career plan. i.e. if your plan to go to B from A doesn’t work, then you should have plan Z.

The Humor Monologue
1. Welcome to Season 8, Episode 16.
(Make the mistake that someone already made to get laughs. I added ‘season’ too to ‘episode’)

2. The Netherlands have King Willem Alexander, Queen Maxima. And I am Joker Bala.
(Following the pattern king, queen, joker as in a deck of playing cards)

3. Do not take your name card with you [looking at the people who had no name cards] if you don’t want to get called for the table topics.
(Giving a new definition. Gave a definition to the people who were not having the name card)

4. The table topic for you, Mike, is… Don’t worry, I’m just joking.
(Being arrogant. i.e. I’m planning to give a table topic to someone that had no name plate)

5. I’ve been here at Toastmasters 116 times. I regretted coming here every single time. Because not even once, Justina was skirtless.
(Tension and release technique. Saying that I regret coming to Toastmasters created the tension. Releasing it with a silly reason generated the laughter. Best line of the monologue.)

6. I don’t know what the 7 habits of highly effective people are. But I know the 7 habits of effectively HIGH people [posed like smoking cigarette]
(Word play. I had to pose like smoking because HIGH could also mean people in high status.)

7. No. 1 habit in that list is “Buy your cigarette from a shop, not from a machine.”
(Simple callback. Got good laughter.)

8. Rens said, “Stay calm during tough situation… and the situation will get much much better. Actually, I’m a follower of this principle. A lot of times, I’ve just stayed calm [pause of 3 secs]… until the timer signaled GREEN.
(Self deprecation. Implied punchline. i.e. I would stay calm during my speech and wait until the light turns green.)

9. You don’t have to work a day if you love your job… or born in a Royal family.
(Truth. Callback to the Royal family.)

10. I don’t shake hands with anyone, because I won’t know if the shake is mine or the shake is theirs.
(Callback to cigarette joke. And adapting that to shaking hands.)

11. Word of the day is ‘Profound’. First of all, in using this word, I’m not a PRO, and I was LOST.
(Wordplay. Splitting the word into two and using the antonym of those 2 sub words. Worked very well. Good laughter.)

12. To go back home, take highway A21 or B16. If both are closed, take Z56.
(Callback to ABZ plan. Good closer.)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – August 10, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue which was presented at the end of a Toastmasters meeting. First you’ll be able to read the set-up for each joke. Then I’ll share the joke. Next I’ll briefly comment on what made the joke work. Although the examples of Observational Humor are in the context of a Toastmasters meeting, the skills apply just the same to any meeting you might be attending. It’s a useful skill to develop. When you can drop in an observational line into any presentation it makes the content of your whole talk feel fresh and original.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented)
1. Alex’s speech was about the theory about boredom. During his speech, he stated the dictionary definition of ‘boredom’.

2. Alex told that in an experiment, a lot of people were locked in a room alone (to test their boredom). They were provided with some music to listen to, a picture to look at, and some device to electrocute themselves. A lot of them chose to electrocute themselves. One guy electrocuted himself 190 times.

3. The emcee told that many people would be coming late to the meeting. She said, “If someone knocks the door, that’s not a burglar”.

4. One speaker said that the most embarrassing thing happened to her was she saw a poster saying “SHOW YOUR TIT” at a party. Winslow said the most embarrassing thing in his life was when he was 10 and swimming, his friends took away his swim trunk and he had to come out of water naked (aka) birthday suit.

5. A table topic was “Can you survive in a party where you don’t know anyone?” Shane talked on that topic. He said that at his birthday party, 50 people showed up and a lot of them were strangers, but he talked with everyone.

6. Winslow said that one time he had no money, and he had to sell his shirt and tie that he was wearing to a random guy on road for 10$ to pay the taxi.

7. One of the guests said that he is interested in Obama and that’s why he joined Toastmasters.

8. Winslow said that Donald Trump does anything to get people’s attention. He even doesn’t shy away from talking about genitalia in his speeches.

9. One of the guests said that she is going to give a speech to 600 people next week.

The Humor Monologue
1. Alex talked about the theory of boredom. I’m here for the practicals.
(Self deprecation. Good opening line.)

2. If you hear someone knocking the door NOW, that must be a burglar.
(Truth. I delivered a monologue at the end of the meeting. I asked myself the question, “What if someone knocks the door now?” and came up with the reverse of what the emcee said.)

3. The most embarrassing moment in my life was when I came here (the stage) to give my first speech. I didn’t open my mouth… and the audience shouted “SHOW YOUR TEETH”.
(Wordplay. Rhymes with “Show your Tit”.)

4. I can survive a party where I don’t know anyone. But I CAN’T SURVIVE a party where I know everyone… My family gathering.
(Truth. Family gatherings are boring.)

5. Alex you are wrong. I electrocuted myself 196 times, not 190 times. I think when I electrocuted myself the 190th time, you got bored and stopped watching me.
(Drop into someone’s story.)

6. Shane was lying. At his birthday party, he didn’t talk to me… and my 49 cousins.
(Self deprecation that my cousins and I enter some random party for free food.)

7. Good thing was that Shane wasn’t on birthday suit.
(Callback to “birthday suit” at right place.)

8. The guy didn’t exactly ask for Winshlow’s shirt and tie. His exact words were, “Show your tit.”
(Absurd. Call back to the catch phrase. Best line of the monologue.)

9. Boredom is the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest. This definition itself is boring.
(Kind of irony)

10. When the people were put alone in the room, they had 3 coices – listen to music (or) look at a picture (or) electrocute themselves. Most of them electrocuted themselves because it was Justin Bieber music and Donald Trump’s picture.
(Why? I asked myself why they did electrocute themselves, and came up with this idea. Since Justin Bieber’s music AND Donald Trump’s hair are ridiculed.)

11. If you’re interested in Obama, you join Toastmasters. If you’re interested in Trump, you have to join Psychiatric Hospital.
(Unexpected punchline. These 2 lines follow the same pattern, but ending with the unexpected place as punchline.)

12. “Pen is mightier than sword.” Trump used this as his campaign slogan… with a minor difference – “Penis mightier than sword.”
(Wordplay. Callback to Trump’s genitalia reference.)

13. Jasmin, you’re going to give a speech to 600 people? I have a tip. Give the speech 600 times… to each one of them.. alone in a room.
(Absurd. Call back to being alone in a room.)

14. If you excuse me, I’m going to electrocute all of you.
(Self deprecation. Reverse. Instead of electrocuting themselves, I electrocute each of them implying that they got bored listening to my monologue. Good closer.)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – July 27, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue which was presented at the end of a Toastmasters meeting. First you’ll be able to read the set-up for each joke. Then I’ll share the joke. Next I’ll briefly comment on what made the joke work. Although the examples of Observational Humor are in the context of a Toastmasters meeting, the skills apply just the same to any meeting you might be attending. It’s a useful skill to develop. When you can drop in an observational line into any presentation it makes the content of your whole talk feel fresh and original.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented)
1. Ah-um counter said that Winslow, while telling “I”, tend to repeat it, like “I..I..I”. Winslow jokingly said, “That’s because I like myself.”

2. Floris said that a person with low skills and low challenges will always be watching TV.

3. Word of the day was “inculcate”. Chris mispronounced that as “incalculate” and “incultivate” several times.

4. One of the table topics was “Which is the safest country in the world?”

5. Justina was called to speak on the table topic “How would you beat procrastination?”. Justina said that she was called to speak on the same table topic one year ago.

6. One speaker said that 81% people do not like their work.

7. Maha said that she hasn’t been on holidays for 7 years. She also said that she has a 24-yr-old son, but she herself looks like she’s in her late 20’s.

8. Ana asked us to get out of our comfort zone.

9. Andrei said that he gave up TV to increase his productivity.

10. Winslow asked Andrei to end his speech on a high note.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening Toastmasters…. oh wait… [I move one step ahead, turn my head, and look back] That… is my conmfort zone.
(Visual gag. Good opener)

2. Good evening I, I, and I. I like myself.
(Callback to Winslow’s I, I, I. I was looking for a place to insert this triplet. I found this to be a perfect place, and it worked.)

3. Chris pronounced the word of the day as “incalculate” and “incultivate” several times. Chris, the right pronunciation is “incorporate”.
(Make the mistake yourself. Superiority theory.)

4. I was once talking over phone, and my friend Kate asked me what I was doing. I said, I am “IN CALL KATE”.
(Wordplay on the word of the day “inculcate”. Half of the audience got this and laughed.)

5. I am not sure what a person who has low skills, low challenge, and gave up TV would do.
(Linking two different facts and making that as a good observation.)

6. For me, any place in the universe is safe… except my house.. where my wife is.
(Self deprecation – that I am a coward and I get beaten by my wife. I’ve been doing series of wife jokes ever since I got married. And continuing with this one too.)

7. 81% people have voted that they do not like their work. The rest 19% were on vacation.
(Implied punchline – that nobody is happy with their work.)

8. How would you beat procrastination? Justina was called to speak on this topic one year ago. She was given the same topic today because she still hasn’t answered that question.
(Implying that Justina is a procrastinator. Good response.)

9. Maha hasn’t been on holidays for 7 years. Maha, you are the biggest procrastinator ever.
(Redefining something. How can you give a new meaning to “not being on holidays for 7 years?” and came up with this idea that she is just procrastinating.)

10. When it was 5 yrs, she got green signal, when it was 6, she got amber signal, and now it’s 7, she’s getting red signal.
(Adapting Toastmasters habit of showing green, amber, and red signals at 5, 6, 7 mins of speech. Good response.)

11. Maha, you now have 30 days to finalize your vacation.
(Topper to the last joke. Usually at the end of 7 mins, a speaker will have 30 secs to wrap up his speech.)

12. Maha has a 24-yr-old son? Can you believe it? Maha, you’re a procrastinator at aging too.
(Again redefinition. Looking at Maha’s young appearance from a different angle, and gave a new definition that she is procrastinating at aging too. Complementing the audience. Good response.)

13. OOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO. I’m ending on high note.
(Taking the literal meaning of “end on a high note.” Good closer.)

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