Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – February 18, 2015

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. Bogdan, president of the club, was not present. Hence I gave the president introduction.

2. In the Netherlands, Carnaval is going on. People dress like others – batman, superman, judge etc.

3. One of the table topics was “Impress a girl in the balcony”.

4. The meeting place where we normally meet was double booked. Before we arrived, another group arrived and they were having their meeting. We moved to a vacant space nearby and held our meeting.

5. Justina’s speech topic was “Write the unwritable”.

6. Julia, one of the speakers, didn’t show up. He was supposed to do project 7 – “Research your topic”. His speech title was “Get creative. Idea flow”.

7. The grammarian referred to Google for all his doubts. He mentioned, “Google says blah blah”.

8. Theme of the meeting was “Black moon”.

9. When I was about to give the humor monologue, on my way, my head hit the wall very hard. It made a huge sound. Everyone was shocked.

10. The ah-um counter Inna said that she only counted the filler words ‘ah’, ‘um’. But she didn’t count ‘so’, ‘and’ filler words.

11. There were 5 men and 5 women at the meeting.

The Humor Monologue

1. I hit my head on the wall because I wanted to begin my speech with a ‘bang’.

2. Ok ok. I’m just kidding. Since I’m the president today, I wanted to show you I’m the ‘head’ of this club.

3. This evening is well balanced. 1) A meeting going on there and a meeting going on here. 2) Five men and five women and 3) All interesting speeches are over and here comes my speech.

4. I am going to tell jokes. Laugh at the unlaughable. Please.

5. Don’t try to impress the ladies in balcony during carnaval time. That may be a guy dressed like lady.

6. To be more romantic with your lady, you can say “Honey, look how beautiful the moon is. Oh wait.. today is black moon… Anyway, look at the unlookable.”

7. The last speaker, Julia. He’s not here. He is supposed to do project 7 – “Research your topic”. I think he’s still researching his topic.

8. Next meeting, he’ll come up with creative excuses for why he’s not here.

9. Inna listened to the ‘ah’, ‘um’ “sound”. But not “so, and”.

10. Tonight, timer role was performed by Inna, general evaluator role was performed by Floris, and the grammarian role was performed by Google.

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – February 4, 2015

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. Tobias talked about “Good heating”. He mentioned Brian Tracy in his speech. Bogdan, his speech evaluator, said it touched his heart since he always liked Brian Tracy.

2. Mohammed said, “If you want to be a great runner, contact the best runner. If you want to be a great speaker, contact the best speaker.”

3. Rubin asked, “How many of you have had negative feelings?” During his speech, he asked us to think from the other person’s perspective too.

4. Raluca, one of the guests (who came once to our club in the past as guest), told she came back because she missed us. She is a member of another Toastmasters club. She said she is in the Netherlands on and off.

5. One of the lights in the meeting room was blinking.

6. One of the table topics was “Facebook is sued for data privacy. But you have to defend it.” Jaoa spoke on that topic.

7. Bogdan said he would explain 3 dimensions of success. But then he changed his mind and said he would rather explain 2 dimensions of success.

8. Rubin arrived late to the meeting. He always arrives late.

9. Sri gave her ice breaker speech.

The Humor Monologue

1. Good evening Toastmasters, guests, and Brian Tracy.

2. Hey, Bogdan, I hope it was heart touching.

3. If you want to be a great runner, contact the best runner. If you want to be a great speaker, contact the best speaker. If you want to be a great loser, contact me.

4. I am a great motivational speaker. When I give speeches, people lose all their negative feelings… and start sleeping.

5. Raluca and that light are the same. They are in the Netherlands On & Off.

6. Hi Raluca, next week, I’ll visit your club. Because I’ll miss you.

7. The lawyer who defended Facebook forgot to say the usual line. “If you thought my speech was good, then LIKE. If it was too good, then SHARE with your friends.

8. Bogdan explained just 2 dimensions of success, not 3 dimensions because we don’t have 3D glasses.

9. That blinking light is thinking from my perspective. It is nervous and shivering. That’s why it’s blinking.

10. Today all the speeches went well with the theme of the meeting “Warming up winter”. Tobias on “Good heating”, Bogdan on “Warming up by mentoring”, and Sri on “Ice BREAKER”.

11. If we want Rubin to be on time next meeting, then in the agenda, put 1 day ahead.

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – January 21, 2015

This was the first meeting in 2015. The meeting on Jan 7 was cancelled due to lack of attendance.
Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. Chris described the month as ‘Chilly’ January.

2. There were quite some guests. Bogdan said he is seeing some happy new faces.

3. Bogdan’s speech was about cold call. He made a call to Marc and talked about some scheme and asked for his appointment for a face-to-face meeting. He asked the audience “Do you know why it’s important to have face-to-face meeting?”

4. Justina said, to succeed, you need to smell good. During interviews, if you wear nice perfume, your probability of getting selected is very high.

5. Richard said, to succeed in life, throw away TV. Jitske evaluated his speech. I was the timer and I forgot to time the evaluation.

6. One of the table-topics was “King of France has to plead mercy to the people and beg for life.” Floris talked. He said, “Forgive me. I want to go back to the palace. 25 wives are waiting for me.”

7. In another table topic, Winslow acted as interviewer and he interviewed me for a safe guard job. Winslow left the meeting early.

8. No one performed the grammarian role.

9. I evaluated Justina’s speech. While evaluating, I was referring to her in 3rd person. She did well.. she could’ve etc.. General evaluator said that it might be offensive. He asked me to use second person when the person is in the same room.

The Humor Monologue

1. I is performed Observational Humor role to made you laughed. No grammarian, right?

2. Happy new ear. Happy new nose, cheek, mouth. In short, Happy new faces, I see.

3. The main reason to have face-to-face meeting is that your client can’t smell you through phone.

4. If you want to succeed, you need scent. Here, this… [tossed a cent]. You need more of this.

5. Where is Winslow? I hope “HE” comes back. He is not in the room, right? I’m safe.

6. If Winslow comes back, I want to ask him if, during the interview, I smelled good.

7. Here in the Netherlands, in January, every day is chilly. Last month, I was in India. And every day, chili. I mean spicy food.

8. To succeed in life, keep working and never party. And that’s why I think people throw a party. Like they throw a TV.

9. Jitske evaluated Richard’s speech “Throw away your TV.” I missed to time her evaluation because I threw away the TV. Timing Vessel, I mean.

10. I don’t know why the king of France pleaded mercy. Dying is much better than going back to 25 wives. That’s more torture.

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