Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – May 17, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. The table topics were about wedding.

2. One of the table topics speakers said that she got 7 beautiful elephants as gift from her husband on her wedding day. Wooden ones.

3. One of the table topics speakers said that in their culture, they freeze a cake for 2 years since wedding and cut later on. The outer part will be very hard, and inside, very soft. They would need an electric knife to cut it.

4. Rens, the emcee, said an inspirational quote, “Whenever you think you’ve reached your limit, you have only put 40% effort. Go an extra mile.”

5. Ana said that her wedding dress was so long.

6. Herman, one of the speakers, talked about Frankenstein, bicycles etc. He mentioned years like 1869, 1875 etc.

7. Shane was referred as the oldest person who is married for a long time (by the Tabletopics master).

8. We had a guest named May.

9. This week was too hot. 27 degrees. Until last week, it was too cold.

10. Most speakers forgot to shake hands with the emcee or the table topics master.

11. I was the last speaker (Obs Humorous Master) and I concluded the meeting.

12. Ana, a speaker, used too many filler words, like “so”, “well”.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening Married Toastmasters and Happy Toastmasters.
(Good opener. Universal joke about married people)

2. I proposed to a girl 3 years ago. I was happy when she said, “I do”. Then only I realized that she said “Adieu”.
(Wordplay. Self deprecation. I didn’t say the punchline. I wrote it on the whiteboard to have more effect.)

3. I was caught drunk driving last week. I blame Rens for that. Because he said, “Whenever you think you’ve reached your limit, you’ve only put 40% effort.”
(One of the best lines of the monologue. Fitting an inspirational line in a different context to create absurdity.)

4. The next day, I got a ticket for speeding.
(Continuing on the same theme – going above the limit.)

5. The man who stitched Ana’s wedding gown literally went an extra mile.
(Same theme. Asked myself the question why. Why was her dress long? Punchline: Because the tailor went an extra mile.)

6. Herman mentioned some years during his speech – 1869, 1875… during which Shane was a kid.
(Exaggeration. When the table topics master referred to Shane as the oldest, it got huge laughter. So this line turned out to be one of the best lines of the monologue.)

7. My wife is like that cake in the freezer. She’s a hard person on the outside. But on the inside, she is very soft. Tomorrow, I’m buying an electric knife.
(Mislead the audience. First start by praising and then turn it into a ridicule. Implied punchline that I’m going to cut my wife into pieces. Best line of the monologue.)

8. On my wedding day, I gifted my wife seven… beautiful… cockroaches. Real ones. Not in wood.
(Rule of three. Seven… beautiful… cockroaches. The audience would least expect the third one. Because women are afraid of cockroaches. The topper is the exact opposite of what the speaker said.)

9. I love May. Er, I mean the month. I love May. Because May is hot.
(Another best line of the Monologue. Both the joke and the topper are wordplay. Shock and release technique too. When I said, “I love May (the guest)”, the audience were shocked. I released it by saying “I mean the month”. I followed on that and used another wordplay “May is hot”. It perfectly fit because today was the hottest day of the year.)

10. Ana, you are using the filler words so well.
(Wordplay. This line has two meanings. She indeed used the filler words “so”, “well”. And she used them so well.)

11. I’m happy that I’m the one who’s closing the meeting. Because I don’t have to shake hands.
(Perfect closer. Because “not shaking hands” became a running gag.)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – May 3, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. We had a guest named Amole. He said that he likes to pronounce people’s names correctly.

2. Floris talked on a table topic about coffee. He said that everyone drinks coffee at his office and coffee runs his office.

3. Word of the day was ‘Discombobulated’. Tom said that it’s his favorite word.

4. Many speakers dropped out in the last minute.

5. Amole nodded his head for something a speaker said. The speaker asked him whether he was hearing or nodding.

6. Shane gave a speech about his hobby. His hobby is programming. He said that he was going to show something which he does in a dark room, which was his hobby.

7. Tom talked on a table topic about clowns. He said that you don’t know what’s behind a clown; they may be man eaters.

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening Toastmasters, guests, and especially Amelia. My hobby is pronouncing people’s names correctly.
(Rule of three. It’s ironic to mispronounce someone’s name who is interested in pronouncing other’s names correctly)

2. Who’s the CEO of Floris’ office? It’s coffee. Coffee runs his office.
(Derive another meaning from a sentence)

3. Today, many speakers dropped out. We wanted to fill in time. That’s why Tom chose the word ‘Discombobulated’. Every time a speaker say the word of the day, booom, 3 minutes gone.
(Exaggerating the observation that it’s a long word)

4. Discombobulated. It has all 5 vowels. And just one short of 21 consonants.
(It has all 5 vowels – observation. Followed by a topper – exaggeration. The topper got more laughter.)

5. Discombobulated – such a long word and it’s Tom’s favorite word. The shortest word is my favorite word and favorite person. That’s “I”.
(Unexpected twist. Self praising is funny.)

6. Amole, you shook your head now. I am sure that you are neither hearing nor nodding. You’re sleeping. My speech made you sleep.
(Self deprecation. If a person shakes his head, what can it be? Sleeping could be a punchline.)

7. I was shocked when Shane said, “I want to show you something which I do in the dark.”
(Best line of the monologue. Huge laughter.)

8. Moreover his speech title was “My hubby”.
(Word play. Twisting his title “My hobby”. Another best line of the monologue.)

9. My wife learnt programming. She programmed me to do the dishes, clean the toilet, cook the curry.
(Self deprecation)

10. It’s already 8:30. I’m hungry. Let me remind you that I’m a clown.
(Implied punchline that I’ll eat one of them. Good closer.)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – March 29, 2017

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. At our club, we have a role called “Tastemaster”, who brings snacks for everyone. At tonight’s meeting, we had 3 people getting snacks.

2. Before the meeting started, the emcee asked, “Does anyone want water?”

3. Karin, one of the guests, told that she failed an audition of a show. She wanted to improve her speaking skills, so she came to Toastmasters.

4. Winslow said a funny incident. It was when his son was 5 (now he’s 24). They were in Disneyland, having dinner. His son dipped his face in spaghetti, and everyone in the restaurant was shocked. He also said that it’s hard to send kids to bed early and have some fun.

5. Tom, a third time guest, said that he is now ready to give us the money (meaning that he is going to join the club)

6. Jasmin, a speaker, told a story from a German book (she also showed us the book). The person in the story travelled Asia in elephant, bikes, and boats.

7. The table topics master asked everyone, “Who here has children?”

The Humor Monologue
1. Good evening everyone, and the one person who’s not a tastemaster.
(Exaggeration. There were many tastemasters)

2. Does anyone want rotten tomatoes, before I start… to throw at me?
(Self deprecation. Callback to the emcee asking for water.)

3. I’m going to tell my jokes from this book [shows the audience that German book]. Oh wait, it’s a GERMAN book.
(Universal humor. i.e. Germans don’t have sense of humor)

4. Karin, you’re welcome to join our club, after you pass the audition.
(Being silly)

5. Who here doesn’t have children? [some TMs raise hands] Anyone wants to adopt me?
(Absurdity. Best line of the monologue)

6. I promise I’ll go to bed early.
(Topper to the last joke. Absurdity once again)

7. Winslow didn’t remove the sphagetti from his son’s face, so that his son can’t see anything, and Winslow can have fun.
(Paints a funny picture. Asked myself a question, if your kid is not going to bed early, how can you still have fun? The answer is if he can’t see anything.)

8. Everyone was shocked, not because his son had sphagetti on his face, but because he had it on his face for 3 days.
(Giving another definition to shocked.)

9. Now he’s 24. And he still has it.
(Exaggeration)

10. I’m a professional speaker. People hire me to give motivational speeches to their children, and put them to sleep early.
(Self deprecation. Unexpected punchline – when I say I give motivational speech to children, the audience expect, it’s to turn them into great people. The punchine reveals it’s to put them to sleep early.)

11. Tom, it’s 500 euros for one kid. Give me all your money.
(Callback to Tom saying that he would give his money now)

12. Safe travel back home, especially if you’re by elephant.
(Callback to the German travelling by elephant)

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