Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – April 1, 2015

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. No guest was present at the meeting. Normally, at least one guest would be present. But today, no guests.

2. Floris started his speech with “This summer on CBS7..”

3. Inna gave a speech on “Essentialism”. She asked us to remove unwanted things from our life and keep only the essential. e.g. throw away all your unwanted dresses and keep it minimal. Her speech went 2 minutes over time.

4. Inna drew an E on board, put multiple arrows going outside from E, and said, it’s a person concentrating on multiple things. She drew another E with only one arrow going outside, and said it’s focused on one thing.

5. Word of the day was ‘Bamboozled’. Grammarian was supposed to count how many times people use this word. Floris used it half time. He said ‘Bamboo’.

6. Winslow said he is 52. He gave his first speech. He said he truly truly truly sucks at public speaking.

7. Tobias suggested a new theme to our club: “Speak less”. He asked people to speak less and communicate more through body and silence.

8. The host of the evening, Jitske, forgot to ask the audience to write feedback to all speakers. Normally, there would be 2 minutes gap between each speech during which audience write feedback to speakers.

9. The grammarian said that Wilhelm wrongly said “Andre is back for a long time” instead of “back after a long time”. She also said that Inna pronounced pleasant as pleesant.

10. Lately, weather in the Netherlands is very bad. 50km/hr wind, rain, temperature drop etc. This is not usual for this period of year.

The Humor Monologue

1. Good evening Toastmaster-of-the-evening, fellow toastmasters, and 17 guests who subscribed for the meeting and played April Fool prank.

2. Andre, thanks for being back for a long time.

3. This summer on CBS7. Oh wait.. that’s an April Fool’s joke. Look at the weather. No summer this year.

4. When Inna was giving her speech, everybody was tensed and started biting their nails… already getting rid of unwanted. Essentialism.

5. *points to E with multiple arrows* This is E before marriage. *points to E with single arrow* And this is E after marriage.

6. Essentialism. Inna, I was really inspired. Especially when you talked 2 minutes over time. Essentialism (In sarcastic tone).

7. Let’s all booze… Don’t get shocked. That’s half of ‘bamboozled’.

8. I’m really proud I’ve achieved at the age of 28 what Winslow achieved at 52. Sucking at public speaking. Truly truly truly sucking at public speaking.

9. There is a rule. To overcome fear of public speaking, imagine the audience to be naked. Basically, throw away their unwanted dresses. Essentialism.

10. Another tip to improve your public speaking skill. Before you start speaking, sip some water. At the end of 7th minute, spit it. Yes, speak less.

11. From next meeting, we want you all to speak less. So, all you men, bring your wife with you.

12. Jitske, you’re out of this club. You’re against our club’s theme – speak less. You tried to remove the part of the meeting when audience speak less. i.e. feedback time.

13. Thank you all. Have a pleesant evening.

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – March 18, 2015

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. One of the tabletopics was “What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen. And convince the audience to watch it.” Bart talked. He said “Scary movie” is the worst. He said, a girl walks topless in the movie. That’s one good point to watch it. Then he corrected himself, “Wait.. that’s 2 good points”. (You know what he meant)

2. One of the table topics was “Act like a frog and convince a princess to kiss it”. Floris was talking. At that time Jitske entered the meeting room (she was late) and he described her as princess.

3. Rubin talked about building websites. He said, “Less is more”. He finished his speech in 9.5 minutes. That’s 3 minutes overtime.

4. Richard said he built a website for someone and he got that person’s car for free in return.

5. Richard said, “To succeed in life, don’t always enjoy pleasure. Take some bad things too. Like, if you eat broccoli a lot and avoid chocolates, you’ll be healthy and successful.”

6. Justina’s speech topic was “Conduct yourself”. She asked everyone to stand in front of mirror and act like the music conductor and practice our speeches. She said it’d help develop body language and express freely.

7. Wilhelm evaluated Rubin’s speech. He said that Rubin moved his hands a lot. While going back to his seat, Wilhelm forgot to shake hands with the general evaluator.

8. Richard’s speech evaluator said that it’s have been nice if he had also given personal definition of success.

The Humor Monologue

1. I’m going to give the worst speech you’d have ever heard. I can’t convince you to listen to it because I don’t even have “ONE” good point.

2. The frog was trying to kiss a dead princess?? Because the princess was “late”.

3. Less is more? Ok. Rubin, who said this, talked 3 minutes more than allocated time.

4. Hey Richard, the website you built for me crashed. To be fair, go drive the car I gave you… and crash.

5. Don’t forget to eat broccoli before you drive. So that you’ll be successful in crashing.

6. I stood in front of a mirror and I was conducting myself. Then the queue started getting longer in the office toilet.

7. Wilhelm follows what he preaches. He asked Rubin not to shake his hands. And Wilhelm didn’t shake hands with Tobias.

8. My personal definition of success. Never go to stage.

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – February 18, 2015

Read the set-up below and then read the humor monologue.

THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered)

1. Bogdan, president of the club, was not present. Hence I gave the president introduction.

2. In the Netherlands, Carnaval is going on. People dress like others – batman, superman, judge etc.

3. One of the table topics was “Impress a girl in the balcony”.

4. The meeting place where we normally meet was double booked. Before we arrived, another group arrived and they were having their meeting. We moved to a vacant space nearby and held our meeting.

5. Justina’s speech topic was “Write the unwritable”.

6. Julia, one of the speakers, didn’t show up. He was supposed to do project 7 – “Research your topic”. His speech title was “Get creative. Idea flow”.

7. The grammarian referred to Google for all his doubts. He mentioned, “Google says blah blah”.

8. Theme of the meeting was “Black moon”.

9. When I was about to give the humor monologue, on my way, my head hit the wall very hard. It made a huge sound. Everyone was shocked.

10. The ah-um counter Inna said that she only counted the filler words ‘ah’, ‘um’. But she didn’t count ‘so’, ‘and’ filler words.

11. There were 5 men and 5 women at the meeting.

The Humor Monologue

1. I hit my head on the wall because I wanted to begin my speech with a ‘bang’.

2. Ok ok. I’m just kidding. Since I’m the president today, I wanted to show you I’m the ‘head’ of this club.

3. This evening is well balanced. 1) A meeting going on there and a meeting going on here. 2) Five men and five women and 3) All interesting speeches are over and here comes my speech.

4. I am going to tell jokes. Laugh at the unlaughable. Please.

5. Don’t try to impress the ladies in balcony during carnaval time. That may be a guy dressed like lady.

6. To be more romantic with your lady, you can say “Honey, look how beautiful the moon is. Oh wait.. today is black moon… Anyway, look at the unlookable.”

7. The last speaker, Julia. He’s not here. He is supposed to do project 7 – “Research your topic”. I think he’s still researching his topic.

8. Next meeting, he’ll come up with creative excuses for why he’s not here.

9. Inna listened to the ‘ah’, ‘um’ “sound”. But not “so, and”.

10. Tonight, timer role was performed by Inna, general evaluator role was performed by Floris, and the grammarian role was performed by Google.

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