Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – October 19, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Alex gave icebreaker speech. He showed a chassis and said that was his young age, then chassis with wheel was his middle age, then a complete car was his college days and a car in race is right now. He showed that evolution. He ended his speech by saying “Who am I? I am one of you.”

2. Ana’s speech topic was “Save the cat”, a book that talks about writing screenplays. She analyzed scenes from the movies Pulp Fiction and The Hateful Eight. She said that in Hateful Eight, Samuel Jackson claimed that he got a letter from Abraham Lincoln.

3. Word of the day was sarcasm.

4. Table topics were about inventions. The master called the audience and asked them to talk about their invention. The inventions were contraception, light bulb, printing press, telephone, and internet.

5. The table topics master said that internet lead to porn.

6. Alex’s speech evaluator was also Alex.

7. The emcee said that Rens (General evaluator) is the king of evaluation.

8. The emcee asked us what makes holidays so nice?

9. One of the speeches’ topic was “How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?”

10. Someone’s phone was ringing when the meeting was going on.

The Humor Monologue
1. Who am I? I am one of the Germans. No, I am sarcastic.
(Following the Who am I? I am one of.. pattern. Followed by the punchline “I am sarcastic.”)

2. My speech is about saving the world. I’m going to analyze scenes from 3 movies… 3 porn movies.
(Absurdity. Also breaking the audience expectation. When I said 3 movies, the audience assumed that I was talking about normal movies. But when I said porn, it broke their expectation. This line was strong because of the mention of porn while talking about internet.)

3. This guy invented sarcasm. And everyone was like, “Dude, great invention!! That’s amazing!!”
(Irony. Usually when someone invents something, people shower praises. The praises for someone who invented sarcasm would sound sarcastic.)

4. Thomas Edison invented contraception device. Yes, he did. He invented light bulb.. and then she looked at my face.
(Self deprecation. Implied punchline. Tension and release technique. Created tension using a wrong fact that Edison invented contraception device. Released that tension with a self deprecation line.)

5. Light bulb, printing press, internet – all these were invented for the future generations to enjoy. Contraception – invented for this generation to enjoy. There won’t be any future generations.

6. Samuel Jackson claimed he got a letter from Abraham Lincoln. I claim that I got 33,000 emails from Hillary Clinton.
(Olden days – letter. Modern days – email. I asked myself the question what would current president send me. Answer is email. Exaggerate that – 33,000. And 33,000 is a link to the emails deleted by Hillary Clinton too.)

7. My hateful eight – my father-in-law, mother-in-law, 3 brother-in-laws, 3 sister-in-laws.
(Huge laughter. Global humor – i.e. to make fun of in-laws)

8. Phone was invented so that someone can call you, make it ring, and disturb our meetings.
(Good observation. Linked the invention table topic to the mobile ringing)

9. How many Toastmasters does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to introduce the changer. One to change the light bulb. And one to evaluate.
(It’s an old joke of mine. Reused it with one addition “One to introduce the changer” which was not in my original joke.)

10. Alex, regarding your speech. You varied your pace. First 100 kmph, then 60, and then 140. Next, you had good headlights contact. And good that you stopped when it was red.
(Mixing his car theme for icebreaker with the Toastmasters elements. Good response.)

11. Alex finished his speech by saying “I am one of you.” No wonder we have another Alex in the audience.
(I analyzed the words “I am one of you” from different angles. It could also mean that his name matches with one of the audience, and THERE WAS ACTUALLY ONE. This turned out to be a very good observation.)

12. What makes holidays so nice? That’s actually a sarcastic question, especially when everyone is holidaying with their wives.
(Universal truth/humor – making fun of wives. And making use of the word of the day – sarcasm.)

13. Rens is the king of evaluation. And Alex is the king of evolution.
(Wordplay. Alex’s icebreaker speech was kind of evolution with the car growing up. So it worked.)

Humor Monologue delivered at Toastmasters meeting – October 5, 2016

Here is another Observational Humor monologue presented at the end of a meeting. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was presented. This turned out to be the BEST monologue I’ve delivered so far. Every joke got huge response.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. Word of the day was ‘grandiose’. In the board, it was written ‘Word of the day is splendid’. That was from one of the old meetings.

2. Meeting theme was ‘Fall’.

3. Rens, the emcee, said that Toastmasters is a safe environment for speakers.

4. Marcelina, during her speech, mistakenly said, “My three girls”, instead of “My three friends”. That got huge laughter. She showed ‘THE END’ card and said this is common between all the movies that there is an end.

5. There were many guests. Two of our TMs brought guests to the meeting. Linda, one of the guests, said that she was there because her husband was there (who was also a guest).

6. One of the table topics was ‘How to lose 50 kilos before Christmas?’

7. Our president Justina got married last week.

8. One of the table topics was ‘Tell about that time when you fell down’. Alex talked. He said he’s a good biker, but when he went out for the first time with his girl friend, he fell down because he was kissing her while biking. He thought their relationship would end there, but it didn’t.

9. At Toastmasters, we use sandwich evaluation. i.e. what was good, what could the speaker improve, and what was good again.

10. Shane had flu.

11. Tobias gave a speech about body language. He asked the audience to write 3 important aspects of body language. He showed 2 types of entrances – one with dropped shoulders, and one with dictator pose. He drew the dropped shoulder, legs narrowed, chin down, dull looking guy on the board.

12. We had 27 people attending the meeting, the most ever.

13. In one of the speeches, the term ‘yellow rubber duck’ was widely used.

14. Erin, the grammarian, asked us to never use the word ‘like’. She said that she removed this word from dictionary.

15. One of the speakers said that Kristen Stewart always has one expression for every emotion.

The Humor Monologue
1. [I shook hands with the emcee and fell down]
That’s the 3rd way of entrance
(Self deprecation. Tobias explained 2 ways of entrances, so this 3rd was funny. If Tobias had explained 3 ways of entrances, then my 4th way would’ve been less funny.)

2. Rens, you said that Toastmasters is ‘SAFE’ environment?
(Wordplay. Taking a different meaning of the word ‘safe’. Instead of safe to speak, I meant safe to live.)

3. Dear Toastmasters, guests, and 3 girls of Marcelina.
(Simple callback, but huge laughter because when Marcelina said that line, that got huge laughter. Since she made a silly mistake.)

4. Take a piece of paper and write down 3 points why you hate me. To be precise, why you don’t LIKE me.
(Self deprecation. And do what someone asks not to do – in this case, the word ‘like’)

5. We have so many guests. Bogdan brought Faizal. Alex brought Enzo. And shane brought lots of viruses.
(Absurd. Rule of three. Shane had flu and I used that to make a pattern of three.)

6. So, Kristen Stewart has only one expression? That’s one more than what I have.
(Self deprecation)

7. People who used the word ‘grandiose’, sorry. The word of today is ‘splendid’.
(Good observation. Nobody noticed that it was written on the board until I pointed out.)

8. My aim is to lose 50 kilos before Christmas… 2068.
(Twist at the end.)

9. My wife said she also wanted to lose 50 kilos. I was LIKE… but you weigh a 45 kilos.
(Joke = usage of LIKE. The pause after saying LIKE made it work. Then absurdity – a person who weighs 45 kilos wanting to lose 50 kilos.)

10. Apple released a new version of iOS last month. They advertised that as grand-iOS.
(Wordplay on word of the day)

11. Justina got married. So someone did ‘FALL’ for her.
(Using theme of the meeting)

12. Linda is here because her husband is here. I am here because my wife is not here.
(180 degree twist. Huge laughter.)

13. Tobias, thanks for drawing me [points to the figure with dropping shoulders]
(Self deprecation)

14. I have bad news and good news. First the bad news: 10 yrs ago, Alex fell down from motor bike. And the good news is I was sitting behind. And it didn’t end there.
(Absurdity. I learnt this from John Kinde. i.e. to put a man in woman’s place. Imagine Alex kissing me while riding a motor bike – it’s absurd and paints a funny picture. Extremely huge laughter. Followed by the topper “It didn’t end there”. Even huge laughter)

15. Falafel sandwich – Have you heard of it? It was actually invented by a Toastmaster. At a speech, he wanted to say ‘fell’, but nervously said instead the present tense – ‘Fall’, then he used the filler word ‘Ah’, then realized his mistake and said ‘Fell’. It was like Fall-ah-fell.
(Silly wordplay)

16. And his evaluator used sandwich method. So falafel sandwich.
(Again silly wordplay)

17. My wife has got 3 rubber ducks. Yellow one, purple one, and this one [points to myself]
(Theory of superiority. Rule of three. Extremely huge laughter)

18. I would like more people in the audience at the next meeting too. So I advise that we lock all the doors and open in 2 weeks.
(Silly suggestion)

19. I got married 6 months ago. And that was [shows THE END card]
(Self deprecation. Extremely huge laughter.)

20. Have a safe ride back home. If anybody wants a ride back home, Alex is here by motor bike.
(Callback to Alex riding motor bike and implying that the person sitting behind would get a kiss. Good closer.)

Humor Monologue delivered at Area Contest – September 24, 2016

Today we had our Area contest. I competed in the Humorous Speech Contest. I also presented Observational Humor Monologue at the end of the contest. We’ll tell you what was said and what happened during the contest before the monologue was presented.

THE SET-UP. We will give you enough background to help you understand the jokes.
1. The table topic for the contest was “Have you booked your ticket to Madrid (Spain) for the District Contest?”

2. Leo, one of the contestants, said that he likes Vincent van Gogh very much (He was wearing Vincent van Gogh t-shirt too). He said that Vincent was never to Spain. So he’s flying to the District Contest wearing that t-shirt, and implicitly it’ll mean Vincent is in Madrid. Leo participated in Dutch Table-topics contest too. In that speech too, he developed a speech about Vincent and linked that to the table topic. Both were like prepared speeches with a minor link to the actual table topic. Kind of cheating.

3. A speaker talked about how 1st class and 2nd class chicken peck on the neck of the lowest class chicken.

The Humor Monologue
1. Dear Toastmasters, guests, and Vincent van Gogh.
(Simple callback to Leo telling irrelevant stories about Vincent van Gogh)

2. The first-place winner and the second-place winner will peck on the neck of the third-place winner.
(Absurd. Silly. Callback to chicken pecking.)

3. Next week, I’m taking my wife to America. I mean I’ll just be wearing her clothes.
(Absurd – wearing women’s dresses. And callback to Leo wearing Vincent van Gogh t-shirt and implying he was taking Vincent to Spain.)

4. [I wrote the words ‘Wife’ and ‘Spain’ on the white board] [looked at the audience]
[Then I added an apostrophe] Wife’s pain.
(Word play. Huge laughter.)

5. Leo was flying to Madrid. The air hostess said to him, “Excuse me sir, can you take off your t-shirt?” Leo was happy that a pretty girl was asking him to take off his clothes, he asked her, “Why me?” For which the air hostess replied, “Two persons can’t fly with one ticket.”
(Absurdity. Assuming that t-shirt is another person according to Leo’s story, and developing that story on a plane. Good laughter)

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